Can't handle it

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I cant handle the constant stress anymore. I just finished a summer class, then two weeks from now I'm taking fall classes. It sucks because I'm always the average even below average student. The classes are getting harder and harder as well. I dropped out of high school after my freshman year.I have had to work my ass off ever since I started in my science classes. I feel like I don't deserve the grades I get.

At the age of 18 to 19 I completely 180'd. I completely lost myself. I completely lost how to do anything. I get lost driving now, I never got lost driving. I was driving to drop my sister off the other day and got completely lost driving down a street. I forgot where I was at. We were two blocks away from her house.

I have a mom that is completely crazy. She is smothering of me and my nephew. I fear my nephew is going to turn out a certain way. She says the cruelest things to him. I'm afraid he is going to end up like me. She is usually drunk at night.

I'm freaking jobless. I don't think I will ever be able to get a job. So I'm really going to school for no reason.

I haven't slept a day where I was actually not stressed going to sleep or a sleep where I didn't wake up sweating. Or a sleep that was natural, where I dose off naturally. Or a sleep when I woke up confused. and I have the crappiest grammar in the world. I can barely throw a sentence together.

Seems like the only time I feel sane is when I'm watching the older Marlyn wayne bro movies or dumb and dumber movies or Will Ferrell movies.

I don't want to turn to medication. I just want the feeling of not being stressed out of my life or struggle to get the grades I get.

i know where you are coming from im in between semesters right now too, i hated summer classes. I am below average as far as students go and im pretty lost in life right now. I cant find any job in the entire working world that seems to fit me or my ambitions in life. But hey, it could always be worse, we could be selling gum on a street corner somewhere in the third world, so at least theirs that.

I'm trying to think of ways to get the stress off you. There's nothing essentially wrong with you. It's just - as you said - enormous stress.

Have you tried the High School Equivalency Test?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/General_Educational_Development

That would probably not include science classes but it would be a diploma that you could go forward with.

Then I'm thinking you could form an interim lifestyle, stress-lite, as it were. Apply for every job you see, take a McJob, do the rounds of the cafes (walk in and ask for Manager).

It would be good to have a CV - I can help you with that and I'd be glad to.

Then, once you have a steady (even if it's small) income, rent a room, preferably one that includes at least one meal. Do not install a phone. Turn off your cellphone.

As for classes, give yourself a break. Don't take any right now.

I remember being a total basket case when I was 22. I went to a counselor and she said, "What do you want to do?" I said, "Quit my job." She said, "That's what you must do." So I did. It wasn't easy - quitting flew in the face of my family's Work Ethic (i.e. jobless = scum). But the relief! Oh how wonderful, I still remember it.

I met a guy whose dad (a doctor) had arranged for him to enrol in the Navy. Dad took him to the bus stop and told him the Navy rep would meet him on the other end. But the guy sidestepped the Navy and got a job loading trucks. Oh, the scandal! They wouldn't let him come home for Christmas or Thanksgiving. He was disgraced. But he kept going on his path and today he teaches high school, which was what he wanted to do in the first place.

Re your nephew - I've read that if even only *one* person speaks up on an abused kid's behalf, in his presence, that can create a tool that the kid can use to heal. Could you try to speak up for him? Maybe "He is a good person." Anything positive.

Keep in touch, I hate to see you on the path I walked so long ago. But I came out of it and so will you.

Thanks man I see what your saying. I'll be fine, everything just piles up at night.

That sounds awful, especially the not being able to sleep. You need to do something that gets your mind of school, sounds like you are obsessing over it all the time.

That's exactly what I'm doing. Since I posted, it has been a lot better. It seems when I talk to my lil sister or my dad or his new wife I freak out afterwards or my mom. I don't like really letting them know what is going on in my life or my plans but I do it anyways and for the grammar part guess I'm just going to have to live with it. Lab reports can be written in bullets.