ARGH.

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I'm sorry but I have to get this out somewhere, I am really not in a good mood.

I was staying at my aunt's house in another city from Monday - Saturday this week. The doctor's surgery rang my mobile on Thursday and left a voicemail message telling me to call them. So I called them on Friday, and spoke to the receptionist who had phoned me. She told me I needed to go and see a doctor and get them to complete my ASD pathway referral form or whatever (because I'm supposed to be getting assessed for autism), but the doctor I first saw about it wanted me there because she didn't have enough details to fill it in without me and also I needed to sign some forms to give consent. The receptionist told me that the doctor had now gone on holiday but she'd wrote that up in my notes so I could go and see the doctor of my choice to get them to do it instead; I guess the idea was to keep the process moving in spite of the doctor who got the form for me going on holiday, you know?

I made an effort to visit the GP surgery today, despite feeling intensely anxious about it and having the inconvenience of having to wait like an hour and a quarter (our GP surgery is drop-in, it was busy today and there were only TWO doctors there!), and having to lie to my mum about why I was going because she doesn't know about it. I saw the doctor I see most, who just spoke to me about my depression briefly and enquired about when I'd be going back into counselling as the previous doctor had put that I was to be asked again when I came in to sort the ASD form out. I am starting counselling again later this week. Then I explained to the doctor what the receptionist told me. She went and got the forms from the receptionist, got me to sign them and then said she was going to put them to one side and that the doctor I first saw would be back from her holiday in three weeks time and would then fill them out and send them off. She also told me that she was sure that I did not have Asperger's syndrome...what would she know about it?! It's not like she knows much about me. The first doctor told me it is possible that I have it, and wanted me assessed, and made an effort to figure out how to go about that. My old counsellor also agreed and tried but it didn't go anywhere and she left the school which is where I was seeing her.

It seems like the doctor basically could not be bothered to fill out the remaining parts of the forms even though I was there for her to ask me anything she needed to know and I was TOLD to go in and TOLD that any doctor would do it for me. The whole point of asking me to go in was to AVOID the three week wait for the first doctor! Yet the doctor I saw wouldn't do it and is keeping it for her! I can't believe I wasted so much of my day stressing about it, and then going there, and then waiting there, and then wasting my time in the room with her, and then walking home again FOR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. There was NO need for me to go today, I could have just waited the three weeks and gone to see the first doctor, which let's face it, I am probably going to have to go back then except I CAN'T go back because I can't keep going to see the doctor all the time, as my parents cannot know why I'm going and it would look really weird.

I'm so...angry. And just...fed up of all the messing around that healthcare providers constantly do. I feel like hitting people with baseball bats. Except I'm not going to. I mean, I don't even OWN a baseball bat. But seriously. Ugh.

I don't really care if nobody reads this, I just had to get it out.