Meh.... isolated.

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Huh...went from like 8 posts average a day to 2.... yeah, one more indicator I've been isolating myself from society ~ again. Figures. I guess I've kinda been a miserable b*tch lately, so figured I'd come here and see if I could cheer up a bit... You guys are about the only ones who understand my perspective on things. Anytime I try to speak in the real world it feels like someone's telling me I'm wrong, so here I am. Missed you guys.

I do this, too. The important thing is not to compare yourself to "yourself at other times" or to other people (like we could, we're Aspies!). Don't beat yourself up about it. There's a reason your body craves the isolation, no matter how you fight its supposed counterintuitiveness.

Non illegitimi carborundum. Don't let the b@$t@rd$ grind you down.

I mean that seriously. The world likes to tell us we're wrong, but they don't even have a clue that they don't understand us. So they have no idea what they're talking about. Besides, look what the population of the US has chosen to lead them - whatever your own political opinions, the current situation has made it clear at least some of our "leaders" shouldn't be trusted to run a faucet, let alone a country. And yet, that mass of people who like to tell you that you're wrong - they chose them...

Sure, we have people here who can fail to understand. But at least you know there's bound to be someone around who gets where you're coming from. Which doesn't mean I don't understand the need for isolation. I do. If I had the money, I'd move to a cabin in the mountains, with no one around but my cats. At least, I tell myself that often. But that's the point. We get it. We don't think you're terrible because you weren't around for a while. We aren't around now and then, ourselves.

Doesn't it feel good to know there are people out there who get it? I just figured out last fall who I really was, after fifty-one years of being slowly convinced I was some freak. I love coming here and reading posts that make sense to me.

Thanks...

Also, these same people that call ME miserable are so freakin' miserable themselves it rubs off on me, adding to my own stressors. It's just a vicious circle. I can be content, and sociable. But when I don't even want to see someone's face because I'm so sick and tired of hearing them b***h about ME, then I get cranky when I see them. Then I become the problem, because according to them MY perspective and emotions are incorrect. ARGHHH!

I really don't see a need for "isolation" in my life, and when I'm in it, it sucks. Solitude and isolation are two very different things. I crave solitude, and when in good times, find ways to get it... but isolation is that dark, deep hole I get stuck and lost in. I don't like that. Sometimes, however, that's the only way I can shut the false judgment of my so-called faults away into a nice little compartment.

I don't f*ckin' deserve it, I'm really a kind, devoted, decent friend, who goes out of my way for everyone. But at the end of the day, after all is said and done, I'm just the girl who doesn't fit, the one who has the "off" personality that bothers everyone. Until of course they all want to be cheery and kind for that brief moment in which I find myself completely exhausted by having to be the "good" one while they sit on their miserable asses and whine about s**t. Then I can't even muster up the strength to appreciate their good day. Circle returns, and I'm the b***h again.