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Cyberduke
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Location: Swindon, UK

20 Aug 2011, 4:01 pm

Two things... that should probably be separate threads but...

First is that I have noticed I am becoming very withdrawn again lately, I am 31, I am still single, lost contact with the last of my friends and spend all my time alone, I just spent the last 2 hours pacing from my living room down the hall into my study and back again.

When I am at work people wouldn't know, I hide my AS quite well, although I have told one person at work (one of the new graduates) as I thought he had AS too... and he did.

But I find social interaction very draining, so just trying to act "normal" at work is using all my energy up, I do get lonely but rarely, I am for the most part quite happy on my own. But I do wish I could find someone to talk to about stuff on a part-time basis, then go back to being on my own without the them being all needy and moaning that I don't keep in contact....

My question is should I be forcing myself more... I used to 4-5 years ago and kept a small circle of friends and made huge leaps and bounds of progress, with talking on the phone and holding eye contact longer and having small talk conversations but now I seem to be going backwards again. I don't actually mind but is it a slippery slope I should be trying to avoid and for what reasons?


My second problem / question is... Expressing Intimate feelings... You know I have just realised I have no idea when the last time I even told my Mother I loved her was... she says it to me every time we talk on the phone and I never say it back... I do love her but its a mental paralysis, a block I can't break.
I can say it in my head but I can't externalise the feelings face to face, they just won't come out. Can this block be broken and should I be trying more? If so How?


At-least reading these forums I can see people with far bigger problems than me but I seem to have hit an impasse in my own progress and have given up again, and I am no longer even sure why its worth trying. (I already have a good job and my own apartment, I would like a girlfriend but the prospect seems bleak)


Is this situation normal enough for an Aspie or am I failing?



Last edited by Cyberduke on 20 Aug 2011, 4:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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20 Aug 2011, 4:13 pm

Cyberduke wrote:
. . . But I find social interaction very draining, so just trying to act "normal" at work is using all my energy up, I do get lonely but rarely, I am for the most part quite happy on my own. But I do wish I could find someone to talk to about stuff on a part-time basis, then go back to being on my own without the them being all needy and moaning that I don't keep in contact....

My question is should I be forcing myself more... I used to 4-5 years ago and kept a small circle of friends and made huge leaps and bounds of progress, with talking on the phone and holding eye contact longer and having small talk conversations but now I seem to be going backwards again. I don't actually mind but is it a slippery slope I should be trying to avoid and for what reasons? . . .

First off, Welcome to Wrong Planet. :D I think you potentially have a whole lot to contribute to our group here.

And yes, I kind of feel that, too! I am afraid of getting bogged, getting stuck.

I would encourage you just to view it as seasons of your life. Some seasons as more sociable, other seasons as more doing stuff on your own.

(I also like the idea of gentle leave-taking skills)

Please don't be too sure about not getting a girlfriend. Women like men who are real, who are themselves, and are still appreciative of them. There are a great deal of random and luck factors. Sometimes a great woman, unexpected circumstances, will sometimes quite literally just bump into you.



AtticusKane
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Joined: 22 Aug 2011
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24 Aug 2011, 2:00 am

I'm not so sure it should be considered regressing or anything like that. Thing is, I've found that when you try to be normal, it comes off as just that, trying to be normal, and people pick up on that. Might not guess your AS, but will probably say, that guys weird and standoffish, you know? People don't actually mind some weirdness and eccentricity, and in fact, if you can be boldly, confidently eccentric, not trying to be normal but just letting yourself flow, it actually comes off as endearing or even charismatic. Easier said than done, I know, but... Just my thoughts. People won't care if you don't look them in the eye if you're awesomely weird and aren't afraid of it. Just be real.