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I was not meant for this world.

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Sweetleaf
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27 Aug 2011, 11:14 pm

I am just going to be honest here...I never should have been born, I am a f*ck up.......can't help that. Just like my thought process likes to point out I will never amount to anything. Everyone would be better off if I was not here. Yeah I have intelligence and nothing to actually apply it to...so what is the point. Is there even any point if one cannot fit into this sick society. I mean I cannot forget how I feel and give into it but at the same time I have no idea how to survive. maybe they should put me in a psych ward before it is too late because I am anything but sane. Either that or I am one of the only sane ones....I cannot return from the point I have reached. It has gotten to the point where I honestly do not care anymore...sure I am not making everything obvious to my family but if they found out...that's life. no big deal. I just have to deal with the fact that I will never be able to play the game and that there are people who will do anything in their power to force me to.


Why don't they make a birthday card specifically for 22 year old losers that say 'It only goes downhill from here, so enjoy the rollar coaster ride." that would be priceless.



Fatal-Noogie
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27 Aug 2011, 11:43 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Why don't they make a birthday card specifically for 22 year old losers that say 'It only goes downhill from here, so enjoy the rollar coaster ride." that would be priceless.
How would the publishers profit from the "sale" of a priceless card? :duh:

Just kidding.
So ... Do you have a question? It's hard to give answers to a post with no questions.


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AtticusKane
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28 Aug 2011, 12:03 am

How do you have nothing to apply it to? You get to decide what to apply it to. Isn't that the whole damn point of life? If you choose "nothing" then that's your choice. Why not apply it to reforming the sick society? Nothing like that can get done if everyone that feels the sickness just decides to let themselves waste away and be dominated by it. Why you think it's gotten this bad?



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28 Aug 2011, 1:02 am

OP:

Are you seeing any psychiatrist or psychologist?


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EGGREGUYOUS
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28 Aug 2011, 1:46 am

I think society is insane as well, I have this deep down purpose to try and put into peoples mind "The Truth" or what I think is the truth, what I think has been lost for many centuries, I don't want to change anyone (It would be nice but it's impossible) I just want to give them an idea.

Ask yourself "What do I want?". What do you want?


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28 Aug 2011, 3:28 am

How about you shut up and be happy? That horrible heartless feeling towards yourself will get you absolutely nowhere. I was emotionally abused for several years of my life, but I lived through all of it because I wanted to do something with my life.

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I will never amount to anything. Everyone would be better off if I was not here.


Oh yeah, because you do nothing but bring despair! the only people who we would have been better off as dead is Osama Bin Laden, Hitler, etc. You are one single soul who feels hopeless when you have the flood-gates of potential in you. Turn that into kenetic energy.

Quote:
Is there even any point if one cannot fit into this sick society.


Well... answer me this "What is the point of life anyways if the sun is going to blow up?". There has to be a point or this is just one sick game of chess that nature is playing. And its always on Check

Quote:
Either that or I am one of the only sane ones


you and me both hun!

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It has gotten to the point where I honestly do not care anymore


thats a lie, if you did not care you would not have ranted to us for advice. Keep the hope strong! Cinderella did! and she got the prince!

Quote:
Yeah I have intelligence and nothing to actually apply it to...so what is the point.


I wonder what life would be like if Einstein thought that...

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I just have to deal with the fact that I will never be able to play the game and that there are people who will do anything in their power to force me to.


Thats everyones life. Mine, yours, my parents. Life in and of itself is a sick game that can never be won, but can look very nice if played to your advantages.

Quote:
Why don't they make a birthday card specifically for 22 year old losers that say 'It only goes downhill from here, so enjoy the roller coaster ride." that would be priceless.


Define: Loser? The only losers in life are the dead people. That's the result of "Life's sick game", and always will be. and why does it have to be 22? how about 18, when many people get booted out of their homes. or 50, where all the women are going through menopause, or when people are finally figuring out they have no retirement funding? "happy 50th from mother nature, Here is your menopause!"

I hope you find the right way in life. But its not pointless, and you are not being wasted unless you kill yourself. Be yourself!! !! Life is pointless if you are wating it being upset!! !

And here are some encouraging words from Katy Perry

Quote:
♫ ♪ You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite, the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y ♫ ♪



Summed it all up quite well!! ! :) sorry for the long reply... :oops:



AngelKnight
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28 Aug 2011, 4:06 am

EGGREGUYOUS wrote:
I think society is insane as well, I have this deep down purpose to try and put into peoples mind "The Truth" or what I think is the truth, what I think has been lost for many centuries, I don't want to change anyone (It would be nice but it's impossible) I just want to give them an idea.


To give people a given idea without exception or regard for their preferences is to change people, because many people don't want to listen in the first place.

EGGREGUYOUS wrote:
Ask yourself "What do I want?". What do you want?


True words. May they help.



Repent
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28 Aug 2011, 5:14 am

Sweetleaf- Ignore the meanspirited replies. I know exactly how you feel.

I felt the same way at 22, (I'm now 40), and I felt I was out of place and that I didn't belong on this planet. With everyone else around me saying there's nothing wrong with you, you're just like everyone else, or whatever. Well... they were all wrong. Like it or not, I'm different. I've been through the psych ward thing as well to no avail- without the benefit of an aspergers diagnosis 18 years ago.

They put me on drugs, most of which did nothing for me, (especially the ones I tried to overdose on). They put me in group therapy with couples having relationship problems, but these weren't my problems. They put me in councilling sessions with people who had drug and alcohol addiction problems, again not relevant. Eventually they gave up on me, or I gave up on them. Only when I discovered Asperger's in my mid-thirties did I even start to understand what I had, and why I was so different.

Write back to me with a specific problem, maybe you can benefit from my experience with living with this disability for a longer period of time.


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staralfurious
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28 Aug 2011, 9:32 am

Repent wrote:


Write back to me with a specific problem, maybe you can benefit from my experience with living with this disability for a longer period of time.


I had to momentarily pause when you said the word “disability”
Because I don’t look at ASD as a disability or anything of problematic nature.
it becomes a problem when other NT people get involved. It’s usually the NTs who make this into a disability when people with ASD are pretty much content with it (I would hope) as long as others do not cause disruptions. as the original poster said, she feels like the only sane person in the world. and I feel like I could relate to how she feels.
People with limited understanding of how other human beings operate tend to put everything into so called “categories” and make them into “disabilities”.
It certainly can be looked at as social disability. so I am not attacking you on here but I feel like I need to constantly make an effort as everyone should into treating aspies as something negative in nature. Because I feel opposite.



Sweetleaf
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28 Aug 2011, 10:25 am

Fatal-Noogie wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Why don't they make a birthday card specifically for 22 year old losers that say 'It only goes downhill from here, so enjoy the rollar coaster ride." that would be priceless.
How would the publishers profit from the "sale" of a priceless card? :duh:

Just kidding.
So ... Do you have a question? It's hard to give answers to a post with no questions.


Nope, I was more just venting...there is really no question to ask about this, it's just how I feel.



Sweetleaf
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28 Aug 2011, 10:29 am

John_Browning wrote:
OP:

Are you seeing any psychiatrist or psychologist?


No...I am not sure how to find out how to afford one...and even if I could, all they could do is prescribe me something or tell me exactly what disorders I have. I don't really see what they could do to help.



Anamnesis
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28 Aug 2011, 10:36 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
John_Browning wrote:
OP:

Are you seeing any psychiatrist or psychologist?


No...I am not sure how to find out how to afford one...and even if I could, all they could do is prescribe me something or tell me exactly what disorders I have. I don't really see what they could do to help.


Sometimes, it's pretty useful to be able to put a name on a problem. That's about the only good use for a psychiatrist, at least in my opinion (never going on antidepressants ever again. I'd rather have suicidal tendencies than see everything in a pink haze, or worse, always been not very happy but not very sad either). Also, some psychiatrists (good ones. And more importantly, often, psychiatrists that have the same problem) can suggest some course of actions to make things a bit better.

I was in the same situation (and still mostly am) for the past 5-6 years or so as you - up until very recently, I was saying the same thing (and somewhat still do, especially the "not caring" bit) as you. What helped me was the suggestion put forward by someone at university (my head of department, after the serious nervous breakdown I had last year) to find something radically different that I could enjoy and that'd keep me focused on it. What I found was motorcycle riding - a very cheap, efficient and very thrilling hobby, and one that doesn't have to involve other people if I don't want to involve them, which is a key factor.
It's a temporary solution, but it kinda works.



Sweetleaf
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28 Aug 2011, 10:42 am

iceveela wrote:
How about you shut up and be happy? That horrible heartless feeling towards yourself will get you absolutely nowhere. I was emotionally abused for several years of my life, but I lived through all of it because I wanted to do something with my life.

Quote:
I will never amount to anything. Everyone would be better off if I was not here.


Oh yeah, because you do nothing but bring despair! the only people who we would have been better off as dead is Osama Bin Laden, Hitler, etc. You are one single soul who feels hopeless when you have the flood-gates of potential in you. Turn that into kenetic energy.

Quote:
Is there even any point if one cannot fit into this sick society.


Well... answer me this "What is the point of life anyways if the sun is going to blow up?". There has to be a point or this is just one sick game of chess that nature is playing. And its always on Check

Quote:
Either that or I am one of the only sane ones


you and me both hun!

Quote:
It has gotten to the point where I honestly do not care anymore


thats a lie, if you did not care you would not have ranted to us for advice. Keep the hope strong! Cinderella did! and she got the prince!

Quote:
Yeah I have intelligence and nothing to actually apply it to...so what is the point.


I wonder what life would be like if Einstein thought that...

Quote:
I just have to deal with the fact that I will never be able to play the game and that there are people who will do anything in their power to force me to.


Thats everyones life. Mine, yours, my parents. Life in and of itself is a sick game that can never be won, but can look very nice if played to your advantages.

Quote:
Why don't they make a birthday card specifically for 22 year old losers that say 'It only goes downhill from here, so enjoy the roller coaster ride." that would be priceless.


Define: Loser? The only losers in life are the dead people. That's the result of "Life's sick game", and always will be. and why does it have to be 22? how about 18, when many people get booted out of their homes. or 50, where all the women are going through menopause, or when people are finally figuring out they have no retirement funding? "happy 50th from mother nature, Here is your menopause!"

I hope you find the right way in life. But its not pointless, and you are not being wasted unless you kill yourself. Be yourself!! !! Life is pointless if you are wating it being upset!! !

And here are some encouraging words from Katy Perry

Quote:
♫ ♪ You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite, the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y ♫ ♪



Summed it all up quite well!! ! :) sorry for the long reply... :oops:


Well I was typing, so I cannot very well shut up.........nor can I very well shut my brain up either, or stop it from having thoughts like that which effect me.

If there is potential I am not seeing it.

And the only Idea I have is to not go along with this sick society and maybe try and do something about it to make it better, but I don't even know if I can handle getting a college degree, as much as I enjoy the classes I'm in I just don't feel like I have the energy or motivation to actually go on to get a full degree. I figured a degree could help educate me so I could do more about it...but I cannot expect to live on college loans/grants for the next 4 or 5 years or being obligated to spend much of my time on school work(yeah there really is not much time to go out and figure things out or really decide what to do while in college, college is the #1 priority and I don't know that I have the energy or motivation to put that effort into it.

Also I won't have any retirment funding or anything like that when I am 50 I will be just as broke if not more by that time unless I am already dead because someone gets angry about my frusteration with society and my expressing of that...or I end up unable to beat the suicidal feelings.

And yeah if I could just not be upset things would be easier, but that is certainly far easier said than done.



Sweetleaf
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28 Aug 2011, 10:46 am

staralfurious wrote:
Repent wrote:


Write back to me with a specific problem, maybe you can benefit from my experience with living with this disability for a longer period of time.


I had to momentarily pause when you said the word “disability”
Because I don’t look at ASD as a disability or anything of problematic nature.
it becomes a problem when other NT people get involved. It’s usually the NTs who make this into a disability when people with ASD are pretty much content with it (I would hope) as long as others do not cause disruptions. as the original poster said, she feels like the only sane person in the world. and I feel like I could relate to how she feels.
People with limited understanding of how other human beings operate tend to put everything into so called “categories” and make them into “disabilities”.
It certainly can be looked at as social disability. so I am not attacking you on here but I feel like I need to constantly make an effort as everyone should into treating aspies as something negative in nature. Because I feel opposite.


With all due respect...there are problems AS cause for me that are not directly related to NTs being involved. If that is actually what I have(suppose I cannot say for sure unless I get an official diagnoses which I have no idea how to do or afford.) With or without NTs it is still very difficult for me to approach people, I have a very hard time talking on phones(makes me horribly uncomfortable). Sensory overload can be bothersome....so yeah it might have more positive benifits for you but that does not make it any less of a disability or disorder to people it causes some problems for.



Sweetleaf
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28 Aug 2011, 10:56 am

Anamnesis wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
John_Browning wrote:
OP:

Are you seeing any psychiatrist or psychologist?


No...I am not sure how to find out how to afford one...and even if I could, all they could do is prescribe me something or tell me exactly what disorders I have. I don't really see what they could do to help.


Sometimes, it's pretty useful to be able to put a name on a problem. That's about the only good use for a psychiatrist, at least in my opinion (never going on antidepressants ever again. I'd rather have suicidal tendencies than see everything in a pink haze, or worse, always been not very happy but not very sad either). Also, some psychiatrists (good ones. And more importantly, often, psychiatrists that have the same problem) can suggest some course of actions to make things a bit better.

I was in the same situation (and still mostly am) for the past 5-6 years or so as you - up until very recently, I was saying the same thing (and somewhat still do, especially the "not caring" bit) as you. What helped me was the suggestion put forward by someone at university (my head of department, after the serious nervous breakdown I had last year) to find something radically different that I could enjoy and that'd keep me focused on it. What I found was motorcycle riding - a very cheap, efficient and very thrilling hobby, and one that doesn't have to involve other people if I don't want to involve them, which is a key factor.
It's a temporary solution, but it kinda works.


Well yes I have tried things like that......for instance I really like music and so I listen to lots of music, and like to find new bands to listen to and such. Not as cool as motorcycle riding but yeah as much as I enjoy that I do not feel like I enjoy it as much as I did. I really like taking sociology and psychology though my mental state seems to make it difficult to motivate myself to complete the assignments and such. Though I am thinking I might drop out for a while after this semester if I make it through this semester...and if I do not figure something else out or decide to go back to college maybe I will see what professional help can do for me because I garantee if i drop out and do not find another option or don't re-enroll in college I would probably feel suicidal.



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28 Aug 2011, 11:05 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
Well yes I have tried things like that......for instance I really like music and so I listen to lots of music, and like to find new bands to listen to and such. Not as cool as motorcycle riding but yeah as much as I enjoy that I do not feel like I enjoy it as much as I did. I really like taking sociology and psychology though my mental state seems to make it difficult to motivate myself to complete the assignments and such. Though I am thinking I might drop out for a while after this semester if I make it through this semester...and if I do not figure something else out or decide to go back to college maybe I will see what professional help can do for me because I garantee if i drop out and do not find another option or don't re-enroll in college I would probably feel suicidal.


I know exactly what you mean on uni work - had exactly the same problem last year and almost dropped out (well, technically, I did drop out to retake the year, but that was more serious). Dropping out isn't the end of the world, though - people will make it seem like it, especially people who did not drop out, because they probably won't even try to understand why you might've dropped out. s**t happens, serious depressions happen, and it's not uncommon to drop out due to that.

Don't lose hope, though. If you do drop out (hint hint: if you're in the UK and you really can't take it anymore, ask for suspension of studies due to medical problems. Get a psychologist to diagnose your depression. that way, you effectively "drop out" but can start again should you so wish without losing anything. I did that, and I wouldn't have coped otherwise), try to change your habits as much as possible. What is your college day-to-day life like?

(Motorcycle riding might be cool, but it's also extremely cheap! if you're in the UK, try this site. A lot of driving centres in the UK do free 1hour test rides for complete beginners - it's very worth doing to get an idea of how fun biking is. And after that, assuming you're still in the UK, it takes £135 to get on the road on L-plates for two years on your own, and it took me £800 to get my full license -assuming I pass mod2 on the 8th. Very very cheap compared to car driving)