Be a Zombie? or Look Happy and Burnout?

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I can't seem to find the middle ground here. I seem to only be able to either: Be a zombie and shutout as much as I can while still functioning more or less, or try hard to look happy and blend in with the people around me.

Of course trying to appear happy and normal just drains me until I feel like I have a bad flu and I'm miserable, by the time things get like this it seems like everytime I fake a smile or struggle to get by talking to whomever I meet; it kills me a little inside.

Being a zombie to avoid overload is somewhat easy; but it can make holding onto a job pretty tricky. When trying to be a zombie I just avidly avoid many things such as: eye contact, physical contact, confrontation(Crossing people paths even! heh), noises/lights and crowds. I can keep this up for quite long periods sometimes; but now I am older and and once again living with a woman (my girlfriend. after years of being single after getting dumped), so money is tight and i am obligated to work.

I'm not sure which way is best, i hope i can settle on a new way though really... lol!

There. I've started a post without deleting it right after.
There! i still didn't delete it! hah!