Angry outbursts

Post Reply New Topic

They usually come when I'm either really stressed, anxious, tired or worked up over something that didn't work out the way I wanted it. I can't control them, sometimes I smash something real hard, like my phone on a hard surface, scream at somebody that don't really bother me and just happens to be there or sometimes I turn that sudden anger towards myself and try to do damage to myself. I feel so much like a freak it's not possible to find a good enough word for the feeling. A few seconds ago I screamed at my mum..take into consideration that I'm 23, afterwards I got really anxious and got an overwhelming need to kill myself. I have had these feelings before..of suicide so they aren't new or anything.

Oh I get these. I become so angry about the state of the world that I throw myself into an angry outburst too. My outbursts roughly match the same manic behaviour as what this boy is doing in this video (except I don't shove things up my arse, but I have shoved things in my ear before, although obviously it didn't work!):-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YersIyzsOpc

Here are all the negative emotions that cause me to have outbursts, if I experience too much at once and it becomes an overload for me:-

Anger
Agitation
Fright
Embarrassment
Anxiety
Fear
Confusion
Jealousy
Isolation
Intolerance
Disappointment
Sorrow
Guilt
Stress

I am doing my best to cut down on having outbursts, not so much for myself, but for the rest of my family who live in my house. It can't be fair on them. Lucky for us though, I don't harm any objects or people (only myself!) when having an outburst. Objects never get broken, and people never get hurt. I only hit myself.

I have unchecked anger, too, and, at 30, still blow up at my parents and even throw tantrums. especially if things aren't going my way. I freak the f**k out. I have been heard yelling at the top of my lungs by the neighbors and mailman. I have hit walls, punch my dad, smacked him, threatened him, everything. I get suicidal after outbursts too, beause I am clearly f****d in the head.

Okay, seems that I'm not the only one. Is there any way to prevent yourself from doing the "angry outburst thing". For me it's over in an instant. Like a blink of an eye. And I feel really stupid afterwards :/ Once I tried to subdue my anger by kicking a plastic bag that were in my way...I didn't realize it was filled with stones and cans. Nothing really gets better and I hate that.

It's hard to suddenly set myself rules to reduce my angry outbursts, because it's easy to say now, but at the time when I'm huffing and puffing with anger, I become careless of everything around me and get sort of swallowed up in my own anger which turns into an outburst before I can stop it. My outbursts happen at the spur of the moment, and once I'm in an outburst I can't get out of it. Emotions aren't like a light switch you can just flick on and off - they overpower you. It even happens to NTs too - when an NT gets angry with their spouse or kids or friends or anyone else, they will react. So you can just imagine what it's like for us Aspies!

I get into more of a panic when I feel helpless about a situations that is beyond my control. If you watch the link I posted in my previous post on this thread, you will see how the boy felt so powerless of what was bothering him that he didn't know where to put himself, so throwing himself on and off his bed and screaming ''I HATE MY LIFE!! !!'' at the top of his voice probably helps him expel all the anger inside him, then he can be calmer and overcome his problem probably better than an NT can. Well, it's always like that with me. Once I had a MASSIVE angry outburst over a problem I couldn't control, then after having a mad 15-20 minutes, I suddenly felt that all the anger was released, and I then came up with a really good idea of how to overcome this problem in a sensible way. Once all that anger has come out of me, I get full of ideas that invent good ways around these problems.

I get this very badly too, and it seems to have become worse as an adult.
I don't hit other people, or shout at them even, but tend to reach a point of emotion where I end up being totally irrational, throwing things against walls, hitting myself, sometimes clawing myself, and it does not all end in an instant, as I am then left with the self hatred for being this way, which in my eyes, makes me defective. It is easy to get caught up trying to think of ways to stop it, or react differently to the triggers, in hindsight, but then it happens again and you feel such a failure for not being able to just communicate effectively what the problem is, rather than reaching explosion point.