please please help me.

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My functioning has become very poor. I cannot take care of myself, work, pay bills, manage money, or go to school. I want those things so bad but I have no help. How do you get ssi? My parents are nearly on the verge of death and I can't escape. I never received a dx because I only saw nurse practitioners all my life. I've only got one friend who I want to get rid of because of his violent history but he is stuck to me I'm so afraid. I'm almost going to run out of internet service and it's the only thing I have left. I just want people to like me and find the nice things about me but everyone hated me my whole life. My entire life consisted of daily overstimulating panic attacks where now I feel that while others get the benefit of added pleasure I only get to experience momentary relief. It is a living hell. Please just some compassion would help me right now. I really want to know how to find the right doctor but I don't know how to do anything like that. I play guitar well and I have a vast knowledge of neurology and psychopharmacology that I can do nothing with unless I get into college and I keep messing up deadlines and messing up on what to do in the process. I just want help I need it please help me.

Well, you sound like you're very stressed out in general. Maybe something to do would be to try and work on things that have the most impact to you. If your parents are doing that bad, maybe it would do you some good to spend some time with them instead of that abusive friend.

You're worth having friends, you yourself at least know your value. Don't try to have the majority of people liking you, just 1 or 2 really good friends are worth several times more than someone trashy or abusive.

Not sure about the whole SSI thing either.

I seriously hope you hang in there =/

Can you go to your doctor? They can point you to the SSI office or even call them for you. (More to come, this was just my preliminary thought.)

The way to get SSI is to go to your local Social Security office type place and apply for it. They will reject you at first, but the point is to keep trying. The people that keep trying and trying are the people that get it. Ironic, I know, since the people that try the most are usually the most rotten, but that's how the system works.

Here's a Social Security office locator.

https://s044a90.ssa.gov/apps6z/FOLO/fo001.jsp

Without a formal diagnosis, you are almost certain to get turned down for SSI. They'll tell you to go to a doctor and get a diagnosis. Finding someone who can do that is tough, too, and usually expensive. I hate to give you bad news like that, but you can't start fixing the problem until you know how bad it is.

I'm not sure what you'd be comfortable with, but there are various groups and organisations that try to help people. Not all of them are good, not all of them are bad - but the only ones that would be useful to you are ones you could bear to deal with.

As far as internet access, it won't be much, but you can usually get on for a short time each day at your public library. Most of them have public access computers; the biggest negative is that enough people want to use them there are time limits on how long you can stay there. It is a huge pain, obviously, but if you get cut off otherwise, it is better than absolutely nothing, until you can get things worked out.

Any updates stilldays? Maybe a nurse practitioner would be able to refer you to a doctor who could diagnose you if you told them your whole situation? If you're so nonfunctional you can't even get in contact with them I could try to help? Believe me I know how being that stuck is...