if someone expresses that they are suicidal...

Post Reply New Topic

what would you say to help them?

based on personal experience, what works?

"I would be very sad if you died." (And perhaps say why.)

I feel one reason why people are suicidal (well, one reason why I was, at any rate) is a feeling of aloneness and of no one caring whether they are there or not. To know that others would suffer if they died lets them know that suicide doesn't just affect them, and lets them know that they matter to people.

Besides that, I'm not sure.

^ I second that.

Maybe just actually be there for them...

I have attempted suicide in the past....and yes it was in part because of how lonely I felt, but also it was because of how much psychological pain I was in, in general. So yeah someone just saying they would be sad would not really have helped unless they were actually there for me....I mean I knew there where people that would be sad but it did not decrease the pain any.

I was taught how I should deal with this at work, if the situation ever came up.

The people running the training said to ask these questions:

When are you playing to do it (time & date)?
Where are you going to do it?
How are you going to do it?
Have you said goodbye to your friends and family?
Is everything in your life organised so that it is easy for your family to sort out when you are gone? (i.e. have you arranged somewhere for the dog to go? have you left a will? Who will look after your children / elderly mother?)

Once you have this information, you should contact the police, or perhaps a helpline.
Just what they taught me at work. Seems quite blunt, but it does make sense I guess!

It is important not to intimidate the hell out of someone who is suicidal.....if I expressed such feelings and that is what I was subject to I don't think it would help. It is always better to start by actually listening to what they have to say..and then try to find out those things but in a caring manner not in a tell me so I can report you to the authorities manner. So while I feel some of that could be helpful....it has to be approached carefully and with kindness not simple blunt questions.

Ask why they feel the inclination to end their life.

Then refute their reason(s) with logic.

That's really all that's worked on me.

"How do you intend to do it? Do you have a plan? Do you have the necessary items nearby? Have you notified the police? Who is likely to find you? How will they react? Are you going to leave a mess? Who is likely to clean it up? Have you planned your funeral? Did you know that some churches will not allow memorial services to be held for you? What do you think people will say about you afterward? How long do you think it will take them to get back with their own lives as if nothing had happened?"

Does it work? In all the time I volunteered at the suicide hotline, not one person committed suicide while I was on duty.

I like what you say about being there for someone. And just maybe, yes, with all the limitations of being a volunteer group and with all the limitations of being on the Internet, we here at WP can do some of that. Or, at least we can learn the skills and do some of it as individuals.

Here are the U.S. Army recommendation:

Ask your Buddy
Have the courage to ask the question, but stay calm
Ask the question directly, e.g. Are you thinking of killing yourself?

Care for your Buddy
Remove any means that could be used for self-injury
Calmly control the situation; do not use force

Escort your Buddy
Never leave your buddy alone
Escort to the chain of command, a Chaplain, a behavioral health professional, or a primary care provider
http://www.hooah4health.com/mind/suicid ... ention.htm

======

I know the last part looks like turning someone in. Maybe instead looking at it like a person is willing to go with a friend to a doctor or counsellor, maybe something like that.

Well see if someone actually takes the time to try and help........that does go pretty far, also if being supportive and offering advice does not help reduce the suicidal feelings it is possible the individual would be more willing to seek further help if they have someones support especially if they have trouble iniciating social interaction like I and probably others on the AS spectrum do. I mean it harder then it sounds to actually go talk to a doctor about it all on your own when you feel that way. I don't know it is a really hellish feeling and can make one feel trapped...and I guess I just think having support could make them feel less trapped I know it would make me feel less like that.

I am a little too truthful...my school buddies boyfriend broke up with her and she said she wanted to die... I told her not to waste her time blubbering over a selfish idiot... empathy is not my thing... I have never been on a date or even ever had a real "friend".

And combine this with the fact that some psychiatrists are helpful and respectful and some are just plain lousy. And a friend can be a sounding board to help a person decide whether a particular doctor is helpful.

I think it's also a very valid option for a person to see a doctor who's a general practitioner, what's now typically called a family practitioner or internist, who might have more horse sense and not be as big as an egotist as a psychiatrist. This is esp. so since one antidepressent might not work hardly at all whereas another might really help, seemingly random, trial and error, and that is simply where the science is at this time.

And I think one thing that makes depression so damn difficult is that it's often this biochem crisis, physical crisis, philosophical crisis, loneliness crisis, friendship crisis, existential crisis, etc---all at the same time.

I've just asked on 4chan and the best response is 'do it fa***t'. I think that may deviate slightly from officially sanctioned methods of suicide avoidance but I'll ask a shrink just to make sure.

Yes I am sure if someone said that to me when I am actually considering suicide, it would help me so much....not to stop me but to suceed. I don't think you need to ask a shrink, common sense will tell you that is probably not the best thing to say to a suicidal person.

is there a reason you felt the need to post that comment?

It was meant as a joke to lift the mood, not to be taken seriously. I apologise if anyone thinks it bad taste.

In my defence, I've been there a few times and remembering how to laugh seems to be a very good way of pulling back from the edge, even if it is seriously dark humour.


PS If you didn't get the joke, 'do it fa***t' is an internet meme from a few years ago, sorry if it was a bit niche reference.

Well its no big deal......I just don't see how its that funny. I mean I have nothing against suicide related humour, I guess i have just seen better.