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johnsmcjohn
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02 Sep 2011, 8:06 am

My entire life I have been subject to periods of melancholia. They seem to arise when my life is not going as I want to. I had planned to be making a great income right now, paying off my bills, and most importantly paying off my parents for the help they've given me. But that is not the case. I have been relying on my parents for almost 2 years and I am sick of it. I feel like a piece of human s**t. I hate my life and I want to die. I am worthless in society(this is not the rant's of some manic depressive, this is what I have seen from first hand experience with hiring managers. I have been rejected time and time again.) And I am not eligible for government help. No one will help me. The only reason I don't jump off the highest structure I can find(as far as I know it would be the parking garage at Aria) is that my parents would be hurt by it. But the fact is that I continue to drain their savings month after month and I'm sick of being a burden. I had goals and dreams. I wanted to be an iOS developer. But I am too stupid to make that work. I am too worthless and stupid to achieve anything more than a subsistence income and I am sick and tired of struggling. I don't know what to do. It truly hurts having ambition to create great things, but being totally unable to do anything about it. Imagine seeing the promised land, and knowing you can't go there. I hate my life. I want to die. It truly feels bad, man. :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:


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Your Aspie score: 181 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 30 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
Myers-Briggs: INTJ
AQ: 44


Ann2011
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02 Sep 2011, 11:49 am

You're parents would be happier with you than without; they help you because they want to.

I know what you mean about the promised land.



purchase
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02 Sep 2011, 12:36 pm

Hello my fellow pony-avatar-haver.

I can empathize with your sadness and desperation.

You may not have manic depression but it sounds like you need to see a doctor ASAP about the suicidal depression.

You're not dumb just because you've faced some challenges in reaching your goal of becoming an iOS developer.

You can reach an unattained goal by trying new strategies (this I say from experience) but first you need to get medical help cause you can't do anything but feel really bad when you feel really bad.