Tomorrow is my nephews birthday party. We are having it at my brothers house. When I don't think of the people being there I feel good. I'm scared for what is going to come tomorrow. I can't control myself most of the time in socialuations. and that shows a part of me I only want certain people to see. It sucks. Or I shut down and I dont like the shut down part. I feel 100% terrible.
I have recently become uncomfortable being around certain family members. My dad, his wife, my little sister, my step brother, and older brother. My sister because she thinks I am someone I am not and she comes to me thinking I can give what she thinks I can give. and the others because I don't trust them.
I thought I could have a good relationship with my step brother but it doesn't seem like it is going to end up that way. It sucks because I really liked him and started trusting him.
I really wish I could be there because I love being around my nephew. He says theeee funniest things.