Being Depressed.

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Urg. Just deleted my whole million page long message.
Ohhh well here it goes again.

So I am not sure what is wrong with me. I have been soooo freaking depressed lately. My OCD is acting out to ridiculous points, where I walk down the street and see people staring at me because I look like a ranging lunatic. I have resumed my insane binge eating / drinking / bulimia, which I thought I had left behind. And this is not the only thing that is coming back. I have constant urges to go on drug binges just to forget how miserable I am, but really don't want to. I want to be done with all these damaging things I did before. But it is just being tooo freaking hard.
I honestly want to cry, and lay in my bed all day and do absolutely nothing else. I have become this annoying, fat, depressed, anxious, scratchy, mean, OCD ridden thing I don't even want to deal with myself anymore. Its no wonder I have no more friends, and ever guy I ever meet runs away. I am a raging lunatic. Urgggggg. And all I do all day recently is complain, so I just feel really guilty to whoever has to listen.

I don't know what to do. I was back home last week and my psychiatrist thinks I am fine, and really doesn't want to give me meds. But I feel I am just going insane lately. Crying doesn't help, shopping doesn't help, music doesn't help. And alcohol which normally would help, I am off of for the next couple of weeks. I feel I might just die before then. (Not in a kill myself way, I wouldn't. Was suicidal when I was younger. But no more.)

I am not sure if this is just post college depression, or unemployment and boring-ness getting to me, but I feel I am going insane!! !

Anyways I am completely bipolar lately, so watch me be all back to fun and smiles tomorrow...

What do I do? And suggestions? I just want to cry, but so far it isn't working...

Last edited by noGood on 05 Sep 2011, 6:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hope you feel better soon.

My first thought is: are you being honest about your feelings with the psychiatrist? Are you telling him the things you put in your post?

If not, then tell him/her - show your post even and get honest.
If so, then it is time to get a different doctor. We don't always click with doctors or someone else may have a different approach with you.

I used to be in a funk like that with employment


I'd talk to your psychiatrist again or maybe find a new one.. I got the same brush off with 2 different psychiatrists before. Seriously, they were so worthless that I don't even remember what we talked about in our sessions. Some dude pretty much just said I was socially "ret*d" (term my mom used) and she agreed completely at the time. I did find one that worked, but the truth of the matter is you have to take self-action while seeking therapy, i think. Medicine and a professional can only do so much.

Also I delete my posts on here by accident all the time, frustrating stuff.

I have a really difficult time talking to people. Somehow online I am fine, and can post, and joke around, and be all talkative. But IRL I just freeze up.

I might just print take this post to him, that might be a good idea. But I have a feeling he thinks I am making everything up because I just want drugs. I am really good at keeping a poker face, I always look nice and composed. So it is often very difficult for people to see how I really am...

Urg. Well next time I am back home I will go and show him this. I hope he turns around..

Thanks everyone for the help.
I am already feeling much better, just think I was having a rough week...