It's 12:40 in the morning and...

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my sister's 13-month old toddler woke up about 10-15 minutes ago after being put to sleep over one-and-a-half hours ago. So she does what she always does, bring him to my dad to have him put him back to sleep. When she first had him, whenever he woke up in the middle of the night, she would yell really loud and tell him to "shut the f--k up" and shout "G-dd--nit" at the top of her voice while stomping around the family room very loudly (and it sounded like she was throwing stuff). He quit waking up during the night for several months, so this didn't happen. Because this person causes me nothing but anxiety (besides the loud noises of yelling), I have been getting into the habit of stuffing my ears with balls of kleenex and surrounding my head with blankets and pillows. It surely doesn't help that I share a room with my dad, so obviously she brings him in to the same room. I am frustrated because I want to sleep, but I am constantly on edge over him (the toddler) waking again and worried about my dad. I know it sounds like I am being selfish and should let him sleep with me, but my anxiety has been a lot worse.

I always look forward to the hours after 10 PM because they are my zen hours, when I can listen to music, surf the web, read articles, and do certain unmentionable pleasurable activities. I used to have my own room a couple of years ago, but since the last time my family moved, I lost having my own room (my young-er sister wanted her own room and the other one probably did as well). At the time my dad made the offer on this place, my young-est sister was talking about moving out. Earlier on she had embroiled herself in a relationship with a drug dealing boyfriend and got pregnant with him. She never really liked my dad (whom she seems to perceive as overbearing and sexist) all that much and wanted to get away from him. In the end, she didn't move out, so I had to agree to share the room with my dad.

Anyways, I feel so anxious all the time now. I have a year to go until I get my bachelor's degree, so I am basically forced by time, financial, and transportation constraints to continue living here. I wish the government provided very cheap public housing like they do in Europe, but it is all older housing that you have to wait to get into. Besides that I would need a steady income. SSI turned me down because they didn't consider me disabled enough (even though I have been privately having period psychotic rages after dealing with my little sister's temper and her utter lack of sense of responsibility for her son). How will I continue to endure is so beyond me. I am so stressed out about having all of these high-stakes classes at university and having to deal with all of this s**t at home.

I deeply love my little sister's son, but I wish she had never become pregnant. She hates me, says I use Aspergers "as a crutch" (which is a phrase she took from my dad), and hates my hobbies and interests, yet expects me and my dad (who is 72) to help her. I am feeling like I have no freedom at all and would just like to be able to develop my interests without dealing with all of her problems.

All in all, I just feel so trapped and angry.

Did you reapply for SSI? My therapist said they turn EVERYONE down the first time and often the second time but by the third time it should work.

Really sorry for what you're going through.

You need to get a lawyer as soon as you get turned down the first time and have them handle the appeal process. It will still be up to you to find all the records they need. The lawyer costs nothing if you lose, and by the time you get an appeal you should have enough retroactive pay to cover for it.