Psychiatric Care

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It does not matter if you were in partial hospitalization, respite, or were a resident. Please share your thoughts and feelings as to your experience. I myself have been in both partial and respite before, and am going into partial again.

I went through an outpatient program once and I voluntarily went inpatient once for 5 days. Outpatient was pretty pleasant though the intake assessment was awkward, and it did a whole lot of good once my meds were finally straightened out from the inpatient stay. Outpatient was a nice pace with comfortable places to hold groups and they served a really good lunch. Inpatient was tolerable, though the food was horrible. I met some awesome people in outpatient and even stayed in contact with 3 of them, but never did the same with any inpatient people. I would go to both places over again if I had to.

I was in the emergency ward at my local hospital overnight because I thought some girl who's no longer my friend admitted me to the hospital. She also told those buggers not to give me anything to eat or drink, because I'd throw it up. I lay on that hospital bed the whole night, starving. I still have nightmares about that. That girl's reason - "She's obsessed with The Kinks!" The real reason was that I had insomnia for a month.

Roughly every three months, I end up with very bad insomnia and stop eating. I am just getting over this last bout, where on average, I did not fall asleep until about 7AM and lost about ten pounds from not eating. This has to be the worst I've experienced. I get little phases in-between where I'll lose my appetite or have trouble sleeping, but this went on for almost four weeks. I still have trouble stomaching food, whether it be my own reluctancy or just nausea.

Respite was full of odd people and alcoholics. The staff was a mixed-bag, so to speak, being either really understanding or complete asses. They are not aloud to initiate outside of scheduel with you, unless you request their presence - I have a hard time doing this, so when I had a meltdown my last two nights, I began slamming myself into the wall and cursing very loudly, trying to get their attention without having to ask. The nurse was the only one to show any compassion - I even welcomed her hug. The food was actually very good, for they cooked everything themselves. I had checked in for what I have concluded to be "impulses of self-harm, escalating towards those of suicide." I had started mixing my medication with alcohol, trying to see how much it would take to make me pass out. It's scary, because I know I have it in me to do it again.

Partial was just a waste of time for me, though I may be going back because I don't want to be sent to an actual institution. I haven't been f*****g around with my medication, the way I used to, and am starting to eat again. But I am still very emotional - then again, when am I not - and recovery is going slow.

I just don't want to go back to respite, or to a residential, because how am I suppose to feel normal in an enviorment that isn't?