What is the point of all of this?

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SammichEater
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11 Sep 2011, 12:54 am

I just don't get it anymore. For the past month all I've done is go to school, study, do homework, and browse the internet. My brain has been working on full power for too long. All for what? So that I can get a good paying job as an engineer one day? Is that really even what I want? I'm working my ass off so that I can work my ass off for the rest of my life. Who needs money anyway? Who needs a job? What's so important about any of this?

I'm tired of thinking about Asperger's. I'm tired of writing in my lab notebook. I'm tired of thinking about how I'm going to do my stupid graduation project. I'm tired of taking tests. I'm tired of spending hours upon hours reading the vast amounts of information on the internet to quench my thirst for knowledge. I can't think straight anymore. I've had enough. I can't live like this. All of my hobbies just seem to bring anger and frustration, and don't really help me to relax anymore. I want this to end. Something is going to need to change.

I actually do need to get a life. I've become so distracted with all this crap, I've forgot about the true meaning of life. Who cares about stoichiometry or integrals. Who cares about computers and technology. What the heck am I doing on my computer at 1:20 AM on a Sunday morning? I need to go outside and get some fresh air. I need to forget about all this crap for a little bit. Life is complex, and it doesn't need to be. It's time I simplify it for a little bit. I've forgotten what it's like to have fun. I've forgotten what it's like not to care about anything.

The last time I've been outside was well over a month ago. The weather has been really nice lately, and it's technically still summertime; maybe I can go to the beach and relax tomorrow. The sun, salty air, and comforting sound of waves hitting the shore is exactly what I need. If that's not going to be a viable option, maybe I can talk my dad into taking the boat out next weekend. It would be nice to go around and explore some of the barrier islands on the coast. We haven't done that in over a year and a half.

I just can't get anything done like this anymore. Even something as simple as copying procedures takes forever, because I can't concentrate. I haven't given my mind enough resting time, and it's really been malfunctioning in the past few days. If I don't get out of here, I'm going to imagine that I will anyway. I can't control that.

Timon and Puma are right. Hakuna Matata isn't such a bad idea.


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11 Sep 2011, 1:18 am

I know the feeling Sammich. Unfortunately as I'm in the same predicament with no solution I can't help, but I can tell you to not give up hope. Ever since middle school I've been told it'll be better next year, etc, etc, for years now. It doesn't get better in the short term. But if you stay hopeful, try to be optimistic, maybe skip doing your homework one night and just sit outside with a book or just sit and rest outside, in the long run things get better.

You won't notice it at first, but things will start to come together in a more positive way. Positive thinking might be BS, but if you keep looking for a silver lining even the terrible stuff isn't as bad as it could be. You need to set some time aside to unplug and unwind and rest. It sounds like you have a lot of stress and frustration. Definitely go to the beach. Ask your dad about the boat. It sounds like you need that, and I really hope that things get better and you can have fun again and enjoy life.

Have a sammich and kick back, and good luck to you. :)


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Zinnel
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11 Sep 2011, 2:11 am

SammichEater wrote:
I actually do need to get a life.


i hav always hated this saying

or "u need to get a life", "ur missing out on life"

ur life is how u make it no ones life nor the way they are living it is the right answer
(at least so far there isnt a right answer)

if ur unhappy with ur life change it, but make sure u know what it is thats making u unhappy

maybe its only one thing and its leeching all the fun and making it look like everything is bad

maybe ur tired becuz uve forgoten ur goal, goals and trying to acheive them, make the most mundane things worth doing



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11 Sep 2011, 3:36 am

Developing this kind of discipline does matter. But as you've noticed, it is possible to overdo this. Sounds like you need to start making extra time to not do the stressful parts. You might also need to change what you do to relax.

Try to figure out what the source of all this is. You might feel lost because at one time The Purpose was obvious, and felt like it was in reach, but this day it doesn't seem so. There might be something more specific you haven't sussed out yet causing the grief. Put a bit of time aside and try to think it through. Perhaps on the beach?



PlatedDrake
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11 Sep 2011, 8:43 am

I dont really know how to answer this, being in a similar rut myself. At 17, you still have a lot more to experience . . . if you choose to experience it. I'm 30, have 2 Assoc degrees, plus several other courses, currently working two low-end jobs, and have a grim outlook on things. However, I am getting what help I can, trying to determine what's good for me . . . fears? Yes, always, but they're more social in nature . . . which, sadly, most things are socially oriented now. This world goes according to a set of rules based on the majority: be productive, contribute a service to society, make your living, stay out of trouble, but get some joy out of doing what you do. Like others have stated, you may just need a break from everything. Unplug your computer, head to your favorite locale, take your favorite movies and ignore the world for a few days/week. If you're on medication, it's probably wise to get it checked out too. As my therapist will say, "Push back from what you're doing and take a deep breath . . . or several if necessary." Your situation is not unique, and there are a lot of people here with same/similar/worse conditions who will offer advice however we can.



Sweetleaf
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11 Sep 2011, 10:25 am

Well I kinda know the feeling........still have not figured out what the hell the point is, I guess there are loans to be paid back from college that I am probably quitting, but I don't know if I can find a job or get on SSI. So I am likely screwed but that is life...and the current economy makes things so much more hopeful(sarcasm). So yeah I don't really have advice but I kinda know how you feel.



swbluto
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11 Sep 2011, 10:36 am

It sounds like you're on the path of discovering what many like to call the "work/life" balance. Have fun with whatever adds the life back to your life. ;)

(Btw, integrals are freaking awesome! They actually have applications in finances and business which is considerably more practical than the hard sciences. For example, let's say we have an income function I(t) and an expense function E(t). The total change in capital/money is the integral of [I(t)-E(t)] dt. At the startup of a business where expenses typically exceed income, the total amount of money required for start up will be the integral from time 0 to the time where income starts to exceed expenses. I was doing business plan projections yesterday using a monthly invoice model (Which is pretty common in the industry), and found that the total start up capital was 24k, despite only putting 1k monthly into advertising, so I immediately found out that my plan was impractical. It happens when labor is directly associated with growth and payroll grows before the money starts coming in... I solved this particular problem, though, by moving to an immediate payment model instead of a monthly invoice model. It's less common in the industry but it certainly has proven to work.)



SammichEater
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11 Sep 2011, 3:11 pm

Zinnel wrote:
SammichEater wrote:
I actually do need to get a life.


i hav always hated this saying

or "u need to get a life", "ur missing out on life"

ur life is how u make it no ones life nor the way they are living it is the right answer
(at least so far there isnt a right answer)

if ur unhappy with ur life change it, but make sure u know what it is thats making u unhappy

maybe its only one thing and its leeching all the fun and making it look like everything is bad

maybe ur tired becuz uve forgoten ur goal, goals and trying to acheive them, make the most mundane things worth doing


That's kinda what I'm getting at here. I would usually agree with you, but now I understand. Naturally, in life, what do we do? We hunt for food, sleep, and do other natural biological things *cough*. Today's society is so far away from the way we live naturally. I usually don't mind it because I'm a nerd at heart, but stress always seems to bring out this desire to get away from it all.

Evolution hasn't caught up with us yet. Why is it that here, in America, the most prescribed medications are for depression? This is America, right? Aren't we living the dream? Everyone always talks about how good we have it, but that isn't true. We would all be much happier if we lived a simplistic traditional lifestyle, like cavemen. We are no different from animals. They don't deserve to live in zoos, and we are no different.

So, yes, the phrase "get a life" does actually have meaning. For me, it means to stop being a perfectionist. It means to stop worrying about all this pointless crap. So what if I get a C on my chemistry test next week. So what if my research paper turns out like a bunch of garbage. So what if I get my ass kicked in a video game. So what if I am or am not autistic. As long as I pass my classes, none of this matters. In 10 years from now, am I going to look back and think "I wish I worked harder" or am I going to think "I wish I could have enjoyed my life while I had the chance?" I know my parents would say the former and call me lazy, but screw them. They have no idea how much more effort I put into my work as compared to most people my age.

Last summer has been very stressful, for many reasons. That was supposed to be my break, I was supposed to be able to enjoy it, but I never had the chance. The last time I've actually had fun was several months ago, back in early April as far as I can remember, and that was short lived. And before that, who knows. If I didn't know better, I'd say I have completely forgotten how to have fun. Everyone who has told me that I take things too seriously is right.

swbluto wrote:
It sounds like you're on the path of discovering what many like to call the "work/life" balance. Have fun with whatever adds the life back to your life. Wink


You are exactly right. It's all about moderation. Whenever I take more than a day or two away from the chaos of civilized life, I end up getting bored. Ideally, in the perfect world, I'd only work 3 days a week for about 8 hours, and spend the rest of my time on what really matters. Oh, but I shouldn't do that, I don't want to be lazy. Well, that's what my parents would want me to believe, and I think it's mostly their fault as for why I'm like this.

AngelKnight wrote:
Developing this kind of discipline does matter. But as you've noticed, it is possible to overdo this. Sounds like you need to start making extra time to not do the stressful parts. You might also need to change what you do to relax.

Try to figure out what the source of all this is. You might feel lost because at one time The Purpose was obvious, and felt like it was in reach, but this day it doesn't seem so. There might be something more specific you haven't sussed out yet causing the grief. Put a bit of time aside and try to think it through. Perhaps on the beach?


There's basically three things bothering me. One, this semester is much more intensive than I thought it would be. Two, even with that being considered, quite a few people have much more stressful lives than me. I can't help but think that I'm just lazy, and that only makes it much worse. Eventually I'm going to realize that my tolerance for stress is far too low, and stop being so hard on myself for it. And three, I only know it's going to get worse as time goes on. The amount of work I have to do now is minimal in comparison to what I'll be doing in the future.

Fragmented wrote:
I know the feeling Sammich. Unfortunately as I'm in the same predicament with no solution I can't help, but I can tell you to not give up hope. Ever since middle school I've been told it'll be better next year, etc, etc, for years now. It doesn't get better in the short term. But if you stay hopeful, try to be optimistic, maybe skip doing your homework one night and just sit outside with a book or just sit and rest outside, in the long run things get better.

You won't notice it at first, but things will start to come together in a more positive way. Positive thinking might be BS, but if you keep looking for a silver lining even the terrible stuff isn't as bad as it could be. You need to set some time aside to unplug and unwind and rest. It sounds like you have a lot of stress and frustration. Definitely go to the beach. Ask your dad about the boat. It sounds like you need that, and I really hope that things get better and you can have fun again and enjoy life.

Have a sammich and kick back, and good luck to you. :)


I didn't go to the beach today because I slept in too late. But whatever, it's fine. I'm still taking the day off. I've had a nice relaxing morning so far watching the trees blow around in the wind outside. Maybe I'll go for a bike ride later and watch a movie or something. I don't know, but I most certainly won't let myself get caught up in schoolwork today, and other than responding here, it's probably best if I stay off WP. I'm tired of arguing over pointless things on here, and, like I said, as long as I pass, it's all good. C's make degrees.


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Zinnel
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11 Sep 2011, 6:28 pm

SammichEater wrote:
Naturally, in life, what do we do? We hunt for food, sleep, and do other natural biological things *cough*. Today's society is so far away from the way we live naturally. I usually don't mind it because I'm a nerd at heart, but stress always seems to bring out this desire to get away from it all.


Naturally in life? well if ur basing this a what ur species has done for the past 10,000 years then its eat, sleep, socialize, question the world around its self, wage war, start a family, take care of that family through what ever means (money, shelter, etc.) make urself known, hone skills, stare at clouds, the list goes on

yes humans are animals, but were still humans
and we shouldnt base what life is as a human on the way other species live

it is completely human to stress over things, but we usualy figure out how to relieve this stress

SammichEater wrote:
Evolution hasn't caught up with us yet. Why is it that here, in America, the most prescribed medications are for depression?


i will agree with u here, Humans hav not evolved to deal with the world of today, the Information world
we dont know how to handle our selves, are brains arent realy made to be stimulated this much day after day after day, and many ways we hav gone beyond the potential that evolution has set for us by taking in so much information

maybe u should just take a break from ur usual daily routine

i actualy take time out of my day to meditate and stretch

contrary to what alot of ppl believe things like video games and music are not stress relievers i used to think that they were, but stress relievers often are thing that require little to any brain power to actualy do (auditory and visual stimulation do require quite alot of brain power especially if ur an aspies)



SammichEater
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11 Sep 2011, 8:25 pm

Zinnel wrote:
Naturally in life? well if ur basing this a what ur species has done for the past 10,000 years then its eat, sleep, socialize, question the world around its self, wage war, start a family, take care of that family through what ever means (money, shelter, etc.) make urself known, hone skills, stare at clouds, the list goes on

yes humans are animals, but were still humans
and we shouldnt base what life is as a human on the way other species live

it is completely human to stress over things, but we usualy figure out how to relieve this stress


I'm not really sure what you mean, but that's alright. We don't have to agree on everything. All I'm saying is that the way I cope with stress is to eliminate whatever isn't absolutely necessary. I just want to get away from everything. If I could snap my fingers and place myself in the deep woods with nobody around, I'd do that. It would be so nice to just sit down, make a fire, and relax at the smell of food being cooked. No computers, no books, no idiots, just the trees, night sky, and the meat roasting on the fire. Just add a female to the picture, and I'd call that a life. :wink:


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Zinnel
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11 Sep 2011, 9:24 pm

SammichEater wrote:
Zinnel wrote:
Naturally in life? well if ur basing this a what ur species has done for the past 10,000 years then its eat, sleep, socialize, question the world around its self, wage war, start a family, take care of that family through what ever means (money, shelter, etc.) make urself known, hone skills, stare at clouds, the list goes on

yes humans are animals, but were still humans
and we shouldnt base what life is as a human on the way other species live

it is completely human to stress over things, but we usualy figure out how to relieve this stress


I'm not really sure what you mean, but that's alright. We don't have to agree on everything. All I'm saying is that the way I cope with stress is to eliminate whatever isn't absolutely necessary. I just want to get away from everything. If I could snap my fingers and place myself in the deep woods with nobody around, I'd do that. It would be so nice to just sit down, make a fire, and relax at the smell of food being cooked. No computers, no books, no idiots, just the trees, night sky, and the meat roasting on the fire. Just add a female to the picture, and I'd call that a life. :wink:


yeah, however i would suggest u find an easyer way of relieving stress, i hav two friends who do the exact same thing, and in the long run it actualy just makes life more stressful for them



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11 Sep 2011, 9:30 pm

Cortical plasticity.



SammichEater
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11 Sep 2011, 10:48 pm

Zinnel wrote:
yeah, however i would suggest u find an easyer way of relieving stress, i hav two friends who do the exact same thing, and in the long run it actualy just makes life more stressful for them


We'll see. I've never actually tried this before, but I think in the long run it will actually be better. In my experience, fighting stress never works. Maybe going with it will yield better results. It can't hurt to try.

Tomorrow I will be well rested and prepared to get everything done, and maybe the guilt might help motivate me some more.


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