Help dealing with my spiteful sister

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First off for some reason or another I always feel like I have to reintroduce myself whenever I post something on here. I'm 20 years old and have aspergers. I have a half sister (same father) who is 10 months younger then I am. I understand that sibling rilvery is common especially with the fact that we are so close in age. The problem is she seems to take it a little to far. I can't say we were ever really that close; we first met by accident while playing at the playcenter in mcdonalds when we were about 6. I had no idea she was my sister and was happy that I made a new friend and introduced her to my mom and on the way home my mom told me that I had me my sister. My dad was never in either of our lives although my mom didn't let him see me until I was 5 and my sisters mom made him be part of her life. I can understand there being more of a bond between him and my sister. However as we grew older my sister tended to rub it in my face that my dads side of the family likes her better. She would post online for me to see how her and certain family members are really close and so on. It is very hurtful but she stopped doing that as much.
When I was 14 I was dating this guy. It was then that my dad got married. Me and my sister were in the wedding and I invited my boyfriend. Looking back I wish I wouldnt have. At the reception I went to use the bathroom when I came out I couldnt find either of them. When I did my sister cornered me and told me about how they had went outside and were making out. At that time I believed my sister because I didn't think she would lie to me about that. A few month later my mom took me and my sister to a concert. We went to eat before the concert started and in the resturant there were games. For some reason I've always attracted unwanted attention from guys but am more then happy to talk to them as friends. Some guy started talking to me and asked me for my phone number...my sister saw this take place and got upset because a guy was talking to me and not her. Then when I was 16 my mom took me, my boyfriend at the time, and my sister to a flea market. The three of us went our own way and we were having a good time. All of a sudden my sister gets pissed off and walks away, much to my confusion since we all were getting along. She met up with my mom and when we got back to the car she said she needed to talk to me. She proceded to tell me that she liked my boyfriend (who she had just met) and that she wanted to date him. She then had a fit in the car all the way home; crying histerically and even sitting in the back of the car (its kind of like a station wagon). She has done this with just about every boyfriend I have had since.I always managed to forgive her since she is my sister even though I only give people 2 chances before ending all ties with them.
Well now she is really trying to start stuff with me. She made friends with my 'stalker' (a guy who used to leave 'love' notes on my door) She didnt realize that he stalked me and when she texted me saying 'I just met someone who knows you' and told me who it was i replied 'say hi to my stalker for me'. I then told her about what had happened. She then went out of her way to cheat on her boyfriend with my 'stalker' and date him. I was amused in a way by her trying to bother me with this. About a month ago my ex (from the wedding) added me to facebook and even though I was shocked by the add invite I accepted. A day or so later I noticed my sister (who claimed to still be great friends with him and never failed to mention how she would text him all the time, which wasnt true) just had to add him. I still have some anger towards what had happened all those years ago and I thought that it was low that she would do that. What made it worse was when she started writting about him in every status update. I ended up deleting her because I was getting really pissed off. Next thing I knew my ex was posting pictures of my sister and saying how he was hanging out with her.... That did it! I deleted him too. My dads side of the family seems to be oblivious to her spiteful side and I wouldnt know how to bring it up to them even if i wanted to. There if a famiy reunion coming up and I really need help figuring out a way I can go and not get to pissed if she ends up bringing one of my exs. I had wanted to bring my best friend for support incase anything did piss me off.

I have a similar problem Samara. Hurts quite a lot right?
Have you directly talked to your half-sister about the problem? If so, what happened?

Maybe taking a best friend with you to the reunion would be a good idea, especially if you can find somebody who your sister knows but is not so keen on or somebody who is already in a serious long term relationship. That way, your friend would be there for you, and would not be so interested in your sister... hopefully!

cazza xox

I haven't talked to my sister about it but I have tried to be a supportive sister towards her and hoped that she would relize that and not do the things she had been doing. She has other 'issues'. I've noticed how she gets these 'illnesses' or 'injuries' but magicaly gets over them. For example I had to have surgery on the tendons in my feet and all of a sudden she has a walking cast on saying she need surgery for a stress fracture but a few days later she rode her bike for 5 miles. Or she claims to be annorexic (I have been there myself) and doesnt seem to be loosing weight. She told me about her annorexia while in line to buy herself jumbo french fries which she ate to herself (and she didnt go to the bathroom after she ate them). She seems to want to be the center of attention and she knows what she does wrong in fact at the last family get together I was walking with a cane and she helped me out and someone said 'your such a good sister' and she said 'When I want to be'.

As far as my friend I had wanted to take my best friend who has been friends with me since 1st grade. Shes weird like me and wont fall for my sisters tricks. I'm afraid that my sister will be mean enough to take my ex as her date to the family reunion.

Seems like she needs to be the centre of attention 24/7 and won't settle for anything less. She probably resents you for getting attention, whether it's because guys take an interest in you or because you have psychological problems that make people reach out to you to help. I had a friend like your sister who tried to 'one-up' me in quite a similar way - attempting to steal my boyfriends, 'hating' them when they didn't choose her over me, giving me the silent treatment when I didn't put her at the top of my priority list. My advice is to do what I did: tell her her self-centered behaviour is childish and exhausting, then see her as little as possible. Of course you'll run into her every now and then (she is your sister after all), but if you keep responding to text messages and such, you'll just be adding fuel to the fire. Don't be super rude about it, just state that you'd rather not spend as much time with her anymore. Relationships like these are toxic and it's best to distance yourself from them now instead of ten years down the road, when she's interfered in god knows how many aspects of your life. Good luck!

That sounds truly awful! I agree with what Melpomene says: Keep away from her as much as possible. Try to have areas of you life that she doesn't know about, maybe support groups or clubs that you attend without her knowledge. There is some pretty intense rivalry going on here, and I guarantee you that it won't stop once you are all older unless you move far away from her.

My younger sister is like that in some respects. It has gotten a lot better since we do not move in the same circles anymore, but a small example is this: My sister bakes cakes for a living. Last Christmas, she invited myself and my fiance over for Christmas supper. I asked if she wanted me to bring anything and she said sure. I told her I was making a chocolate cake, and that was fine with her. When the time came to serve the cake, she had two other cakes out too, that she and her husband had made. And she absolutely ate none of mine. Nor did her daughter, or her husband. It took me awhile to figure out that she thought that I was competing with her cake baking abilities. Geesh! I was not as hurt as I would have been before, because my fiance loved my cake, as did my brother and two nieces.

It was much worse when we were younger; she would flirt with any guy who showed interest in me, often getting them to date her instead of me, or causing enough conflict that we would break up. She still tries to do that one -upmanship crap that used to infuriate me. I always say to myself now, what is the prize here? What are we competing for? This takes the sting out of it. But that took a long time.

It has actually helped me a lot to read all these comments - thank you. My sister does not compete with me for guys, but she gets very jealous of me for everything and is a big attention seeker despite apparently not realising it. My sister has depression and I seem to trigger her into a bad episode without knowingly doing anything. But I have realised that I think a lot of the problems are territorial. When we have our own space (i.e. when she is at uni) we are fine, when she comes home, battle starts up as she tries to reclaim the house as her 'territory' and it feels like she is biting me into pieces when that happens. Many of the activities that I do, and much of the lifestyle I lead, she seems to follow me in doing. I'm not sure if that's because we're more similar than I like to think or something, but it feels like she is copying me all the time. I guess she recognises the occassions when something I do gets attention, she gets jealous of that, and thinks that she would get attention too if she did it. Perhaps that links to your situation Samari. I mean to say that your sister recognises that you get attention and gets jealous and tries to copy. The more different things you try to do, the more she will try to do to keep up, and the more extreme the things she does will have to be, because she wants to out-do you. I'm not sure if this behaviour is a conscious behaviour or not. I tried talking to my sister about it many times but she blows up at me after only a few words.

I worked out the best thing to do. When my sister is at home, I spend most of my time in my room with the door closed (teenage-style lol), or out of the house. I only speak to her when necessary because then I can keep some of my personality and life to myself. I am careful with what appears on facebook, because she can see that too. She still copies me. Now she is applying for exactly the same job that I do, and she is trying desperately hard to keep up with my travel agenda. She already has already has a boyfriend, which I don't, and this has helped a lot because she feels like she is doing better than me in that respect.

Hartzofspace and melpomene have good advice and what I have tried so far works for me most of the time - keeping away from my sister. It upsets my parents big time but they forget my problems pretty quickly once my sister returns to uni. I guess this shouldn't be such a big deal for you. I like the idea of joining support groups or clubs that sisters don't know about. I am going on the hunt for clubs now in fact. Any suggestions?!

I gave up with trying to get on with my sister but I hope that we'll be there for each other in future if needed. Make sure your relationship with your sister doesn't turn bitter, but otherwise, hartzofspace and melpomene have given good advice I reckon. See if it works for you - it'll be a fairly long process to find out if it works. Keep us updated! Good luck xox

Maybe you could look into local meet-ups happening in your area? They are started for all sorts of reasons.
http://www.meetup.com/
I once joined on for people who were shy, and met many nice people there. If you are on the spectrum, look for local support groups for adolescents on the spectrum. The reason I say for adolescents, is that it seems to be harder to find them for adults, but it doesn't hurt to look anyway. Good luck!

Im sorry to read that you are having problems with your sister. It sounds like she is having some kind of psychological problems. She sounds really insecure anyway...

Thanks to everyone
The one good thing is I don't live with my sister and I only have to deal with her if she contacts me or at family get togethers.

My sister does exactly this but the guys never are really interested in her which is what causes her to have a fit. For some reason I've guys are always trying to pick me up (even when I wasnt interested) and back then guys werent really interested in my sister and I guess she picked up on that.

Cazza, I'm glad these comments are helping you too. My sister doesn't try to do exactly what I do but tries in other ways to get attention.

Zen, she is very insecure and when I was trying to be nice to her I would tell her you can't live your life making everyone else happy.

De

So my family reunion was saturday. I did get to bring my best friend. My sister didn't talk to me and I didn't talk to her. Which is a big surprise since usually she is all "OMG MY SISTER!! ! I LOVE MY SISTER" to put up a front. She did tell my aunt that we werent talking when she asked my sister if I was going to be there. With the help from my mom I was able to tell my aunt and uncle about how she has been acting towards me and some of the hurtful things shes done to me. Idk if they believed me or not but it was worth the shot.