A severely depressed person is looking to me for support?

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A woman I work with has been confiding in me about her extreme depression and mental issues. She has had a rough time, institutionalized etc. Now she is taking tons of medication and struggling through life.

The other night she tried to kill herself but failed and she told me that she was going to call me to ask if she could sleep over at my place. I don't know what to do. She has medical support and is involved in programs to help her, but in the middle of the night she wants to call me. I care about her and I want to help, but I am useless!

When somebody tells me that they are suicidal I completely understand how they feel but I don't know what to do. I become analytical and if their reasoning is good I tend to agree that yes, it is a good idea. Obviously I can't say that....but what can I say? What am I supposed to do? And I really don't want anybody coming over to my house, but I suppose I have no choice, to deny her would be worse because what if she did kill herself because I said No?

Please help!

Just be a good listener, if she wants to come over to spend time with you

You care about her, that means you have a reason to care about her--which means she's worth caring about, which probably means suicide is a bad idea. Thats my rationale anyway.

She shouldn't really be sleeping over at your place (unless you trust her) if so.. i'd make sure she wasn't dependent on you, maybe her visiting a couple of hours would be a better idea.

you can encourage her to let her medical team know what's up or call a crisis line (the national one is 1-800-273-talk) if she has a plan and intends to act on it before her next medical visit. most folks who attempt suicide and live through it are glad they survived. wanting to commit suicide is usually a temporary crisis. people get through it and go on to live happy lives. these are all things you can tell her. what you also might mention if she has any family is that they will miss her terribly and may blame themselves. does she really want to put them through that? if it's true at all, you can add that you'd miss her friendship. if you can manage a hug, it wouldn't be a bad idea.

if her suicide attempt had a high lethality (jumping, knives, guns, tylenol, antipsychotics, etc.), perhaps she should be in the hospital right now. she definitely needs to let a professional know what she's tried.

if she calls you in the middle of the night and says she's about to kill herself, get her address and call 911 for her if she won't herself. "i'm about to kill myself" is a 911 emergency.

you probably also have a local crisis line in your phone book. ours is county-run, so it's in the blue pages. they might have other suggestions on how you can help. i'd give tham a call right away. they will know if she needs to be hospitalized.

you don't need to feel bad for not having her at your place. she can get help. it shouldn't be all on you.

sorry this info isn't the best organized. i'm trying to get you some things to consider fast. i'm a social worker, so have dealt with and had a little training about suicidality.

Thanks for the advice. I had her call her therapist and gp and they counselled her to go to the hospital or to call 911 if she ends up in a position like the one the other day. She was concerned that they wouldn't let her out but they explained that because she is already under care that her personal Dr. will be called etc.

I have decided that if I get the middle of the night call asking if she can come to my place that I will go to her place instead. I sure don't want to but I feel better now that I have that solution in my mind.

I feel really under the gun (bad choice of words) now, I am scared to answer the phone if she calls and I am torn between not wanting to talk to her at all and wanting to check in with her nonstop. So far today all I have done is text her. Why anybody would turn to me in this type of crisis is baffling. I am much more usefull in practical situations ie: physically helping someone rather than these emotional things. I don't know, just lost I guess. I hope she gets better and just leaves me alone.

If you let this woman into your home, you will have a hard time getting her to leave. She's looking for someone to take care of her. Are you ready for the responsibility? Are you going to pay for her medications and therapy? Are you even able to?

Going to her home - alone - may be a bad idea. I did something similar once, and and had to literally run for my life when she went from depressed to weird, then became hostile, and then violent.

Trust me, leave the involvement to the trained professionals.

Yikes! Sounds like you have had an "interesting" time! I will keep your experience in mind. Luckily we live in Canada so I won't get stuck paying for anything, just a cab ride to her place.

I appreciate the feed back that I'm getting here, I really need it.

Wise words indeed!

By the way, I just got a call from the individual in question and she is chipper and upbeat. Sheesh, I've been a wreck all day coming up with contigency plans and feeling stressed and pressured and she is relaxed and fine. Not fair.