My Life

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Not really expecting anyone to respond but it's ok, I just need to write this down in a place where I am anonymous enough to be able to share the whole sorry story, I'm hoping writing it will be cathartic if nothing else

I had been in a relationship for 10 years, throughout he had been abusive, he put me in hospital twice about 8 and 6 years ago and last January he pushed me down the stairs. The police came out took a statement, put out a warrant for his arrest and after about 2 hours released him with a caution

Sometimes he's been ok for weeks, it's juts a normal relationship for a while and then it all cracks again, this time I think he's finally broken me

2 weeks ago I had my official diagnosis for AS, I thought I was ready, I knew I had it, but I just wasn't prepared with the flood of emotions that came with it, I haven't been in a good place. He didn't cope with my lows and my meltdowns, I'm pathetic and he's sick of me. Yesterday evening we were meant to go out, it was a bad day for my, my first born child died when he was just a few hours old, yesterday had he survived he would have been 19. My partner told me that he wasn't going out, he is too tired, I didn't cope with this of course (change in routine we always go Wednesdays etc) and on top of that REALLY needed the distraction. I asked him (crying) ok well can you please at least spent time with me tonight, I don't want to be on my own. He just wanted to be left alone to have time to himself, to play his computer games, he didn't want to deal with me. He told me ffs it was 19 years ago GET OVER IT. I shouted something about him not caring about me and kicking me when I'm down and went to lay on the bed crying

10 mins later he came upstairs and said "I'm leaving" (he's been threatening this since I got my diagnosis) I said nothing. This was almost 24 hours ago I heard nothing until this morning until the housing association phoned me to say he has taken his name off the tenancy and I need to pay them. He knows I can't. I can understand him not caring about me, I can understand I have caused this by being too needy, but I can't accept he cares so little about he's son who's just 6.

I feel totally emotionally shattered

His cruelty appalls me. (But I believe that time will heal your scars.)

Wait... this is the same partner who put you in the hospital? You didn't cause anything by being too needy. You're entitled to feel grief over your child, you're entitled to not be thrown down the stairs, you're entitled to be a human being and take up space and need things like health and happiness. You really can't stay with someone who abuses you. It's not good for you at all.

Oops I forgot to address your current situation. Is there any kind of women's/family shelter you could stay in for the time being? There are generally shelters for women in your situation.

Oh I found this link.

http://www.shelterlondon.org/contact/shelter-net/

It says "shelternet connects abused women to shelters" so sounds like they can help you.

Numbers it says to call on the site in case for whatever reason it's not coming up on your screen:

519-642-3000, TTY 519-963-0427 or 1-800-265-1576.

It's for London though but they can probably connect you to someone in your area if you live elsewhere.