I am about to kill myself & want to apologize for being

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less active than I should have been on this site & within these forums. I wanted to dedicate my life to helping people on the spectrum via music therapy, something I have been especially close in both the physical & emotional sense (as I bellieve I am an aspie & am literally a year away from graduation), but feel I will never be able to do as I cannot even do the seemingly smple task of helping myself. So anyway, I am lightheaded & probably going to the hospital now but just know that I really love everyone & I hope you won't let feeling like an alien prevent you from just being you & being happy.

^ This post has been reported to the mods.

If anyone knows the OP personally, please call 911 immediately.

Please don't , those people you probably helped out still remember you and cherish your music. You have a long life ahead including graduation , this will get better and I know it's comeing for a complete stranger but I was at your stance once.

I was in the hospital , I wrote a death letter and I took a blanket from the bed rolled it up and placed it over a triangle over the door wanting to kill myself , I quickly ran out of my room as I was in lockdown with no supervision in a less intensive unit in the Mental Health centre and I was recovered , life Is much more important than death , I didn't have anything to die for so I thought it was illogical.

What ever you do , please suicide is like a passion for death , it's a temptation just think about the people who really love you , that's how you can help yourself..

Just whatever you do , distract thinking about dieing and about saving your life by going to the hospital and if you still get the urges think about those who love you.

I know there's not much point in responding to a thread like this, but you sound like me and we share a similar passion. I want to go into music therapy as a career as well. I have been suicidal, I have been hospitalized several times. It's been a few years since the last one and I'm finally getting on with my life. I thought it was all going to be taken away again one weekend this summer, when all of the sudden life ganged up on me and I was right back where I used to be. I got through it with music and talking to a friend (I trust music over other people though, because I think going to a friend with something that serious wrecked our friendship.)

If you have the same passion I do, turn to music. Music heals. I truly believe that without music I wouldn't still be here. Music gives me proof that there is beauty in this world, and creating music makes me feel a part of it.

I hope you get to the hospital and that they can help you.

Please don't do it. A lot of people who enjoy and count on your company will miss you if you do.

Hello fellow aspie, please stay and talk to us. I dont want to make things worse, I know Im no good writer, esp in a foreign language. There are always ups and downs!! !

Homesickalien I am going to just hope you got help and you are reading this later.

You can't see it as of when you posted this anyway it but I can see you have no reason to die.

There needs to be a way for very depressed people to get the help they need before it reaches this dangerous point. There needs to be some kind of network. That there isn't much in the way of specialized intermediate-urgency (intensive but not "emergency") mental health support gives people the impression that no one cares and no one is there when so many people care and would be there for you if only there was a good system in place.

People believe in you and believe you can get better and live the life you want to live, you can see here that they do, but you need to know this earlier I know and you need the intensive support of people who believe in you so for now just know that people are sending you love and care.

Christians, please pray with me. Muslims and Jews and whatevers, I beg your prayers of your own kind.

Heavenly Father, we beg you to send rescue and save our distressed sister for the life that You have planned that should stretch ahead. In and through our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

I have lighted a candle here.

1-800-SUICIDE
(1-800-784-2433)

1-800-273-TALK
(1-800-273-8255)

I'm pretty terrible at finding things to say in situations like this. I'm praying for you, even though I'm kind of terrible at it really. If you're still alive, please listen to this song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkWjsT_SJNI

Man, I can relate. I wrote a bunch of these letters to my friends a couple months ago. Just found them when cleaning my room a week ago. Made me kinda nostalgic, broke my own fool heart a little.

It's always the kitten that saves me. What would the little booger do without me?

So, homesick, I hope things worked out ok when you were on the brink. It always does for me, somehow.

If you've gone that far out, it probably doesn't matter to you what other people think. Heck, I've been down and out a bunch. Homeless & unemployed for a year, living off food stamps and nothing else.

The thing that always seems to get me through those depressions, is that life itself slows down: takeson a beautiful sort of clarity. Just looking at something like a caterpillar or a rock becomes so perfectlyitself, that all of our little human "failures" become rather unimportant by comparison. Yet somehow, it only seems like I can truly bathe in the moment of life when I most want to let it go.

Goals are just goals. Sometimes you make them work, othertimes not. Yet regardless, there will always be much, much beauty and wonder to be found in life.

Please don't. There is the possibility of making connection with others.

And besides, you don't want to miss the fun of the coming Autism Spectrum Civil Rights Movement.

homesickalien, Hi, from your post you sound like a person with a good heart who wants to contribute. College almost seems designed to grind people down in tricky ways and that includes people with thoroughly 'normal' time management skills, executive function skills, etc. Plus, there really is a layer of artificiality to school.

Let us help here as far as 'gaming' in a legitimate way the grade and evaluation side of school. And at the same time, people here have great ideas as far as a second track of real learning, which I'm sure you do, too.

And, as far as music and art, and I write and take it seriously, although may not be as talented as you, I think imperfections sometimes almost add to it, at the very least texture, but sometimes I think in a roundabout way, imperfections add a lot more.

Homesickalien, I hope that you read all these posts that are responding to you. We are responding because we care for you. Your music therapy is something that can make a difference in other people's lives. I would love to learn about your music therapy since I am into music too. As for how you are feeling (I hope you are feeling better), I have been in some very low times where I didn't know how I could get to tomorrow. And these low times could stick around awhile. But they got better. Please trust us here---they do get better. You are so young. Please allow others to benefit from you wanting to help them on the spectrum. Allow your life to benefit others. There is plenty of support here on the WrongPlanet---to help you with your problems. As you can see, there are many of us willing to help you. Please respond back to us as we are very concerned about you.

Yeah. I couldn't take care of myself at twenty. Had to go to the hospital and everything. Now I'm living on my own and keeping my place clean and going to school, and I've found lots of people who offer useful services that I use so I can do those things. I even have cats. I'm 28 now, so it obviously took a while, but the important point is: People with autism don't stop learning any more than any other human does. We can keep gaining skills even if we aren't kids any more, and learn to be more independent. Even without complete independence you can still have self-determination, which means you make your own decisions and manage your own assistance, instead of having to just sit there and let people do things for you without asking you first.

So there is hope. You totally can do something useful with your life. I don't know if it will be music therapy or something else. When I was twenty I wanted to be a physicist; now I am working on human factors psychology and biomedical engineering--a related field and a little easier, but still science all the same.

I'm glad you're going to the hospital. It's easier to stay alive in the hospital where people are watching you, until you're over the crisis. The real work will start once you're back home, of course. But it's still a victory to stay alive.