Hurt

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I have been trying so hard tonight not to hurt myself, and I haven't, but I don't know how I did it.

NINE INCH NAILS LYRICS

"Hurt"

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of s**t
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

hiya,

i think that is very very good poem. And wel done on not hurting youself. i know that somtime it can be heard but to be able to piur out in rythmic words is a good move

i really like the of tone rhyme, that i very clever, and very effective.

^lion^

jammie & lion

I know what you mean.

I'm still good friends with my ex-girlfriend's parents, and tonight I visited them. It was a good evening but now I'm back at home I feel really messed up, and I've been thinking about cutting my arms.

It won't make any difference other than letting out some of the hurt.

Except continuing a viscous cycle, giving in to unhealthy desires, demonstrating to yourself that you can not cope with what happens in your life, and scarring yourself for life physically. It does make a diffrence. Don't f*****g cut yourself!

Last edited by Drzava on 21 Sep 2006, 8:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

GreyArea....congratulations on not hurting yourself....Do you have any other coping tools you use when you have urges?I use to do leg lifts and push ups until my muscles ached...pain with gain...When I decided to get sober,I made a pact with myself to stop cutting at the same time...they were both addictions that were keeping me from dealing with lack of emotion or being paralysised by to much emotion...or hating myself and hating life,etc.I dont really know....I just know ,the longer I go without doing either...the easier it gets...its been about 15 years now and I dont even think about cutting...its gone....I tempt myself with the idea of drinking (because I miss the dancing,sex on this drug) but its not worth going back to the way my life was.....IF>>>>>you dont want to cut anymore....make a plan for yourself...you cant take away one thing without replacing it with something else,at least for awhile.
Personally,I got tired of the scars and the mess and the embarassment if I accidently pulled my sleeve up to do something....

And I hope your not listening to NIN while your depressed!! !! !! !!
oh...almost forgot(how aspie of me)I am sorry that you are feeling so sh***y..this to shall pass(honestly)

if i ever get a girlfriend and we break-up or whatever i'm not going to let it bother me. matter infact i prolly won't even care

Thanks people! I appraciate you all.

I am feeling a bit better today - despite a realy tough day at work, strugling with word macros and VB scrips and the wierdness of how to address a printer on a Citrix systm in VB - Which turns out to be impossible as far as I can tell, so we had to do a quick redesign

Jammie - I wish I could take the credit, but it is a nine Inch Nails song which I was fixated on last night - and Krex - I was actually listening to the Johnny Cash cover of that song - If you have not heard it you must (But not when depressed!) it is fantastic!

I havn't cut for about 5 yeras, mabey 6.... not sure. But it seems to be getting harder and harder to keep that reccord going! I used to thump things like diggers and postboxes until I broke my bones in my hands, I have sunken knuckle on my right hand, and now I am getting older it hurts all the time - I would not reccomend it! I almost punched a wall the other day, but didn't because I know I can't type if I do and as I work with computers.......

I am getting a tattoo soon, I see the artist tomorrow to OK the design he is working on for me, if it is good I'll book the appointment... Pain with gain, as you say, krex.

I don't know, I'm a bit up and down at the moment. Today it was the Smiths - "Last night I dreamt somebody loved me" another brilliant song. And the Cure - "A Thousand Hours" - which is also good, almost hopefull, desperately sad, but filled with an ironic honesty - you MUST hear it.


Thanks guys - I'll do better tomorrow,

The Johnny Cash version is approximately 87 times better than the NiN version.

I was just looking at Best Buy(had a gift certificate to use)for that Johhnie Cash CD..he did a great job covering a lot of songs...they had about 8 CD with his "classics" but no cover CD!! !

My favorite Smiths line.....

"You can pin and mount me like a butterfly
but take me to the haven of your bed
was something that you never said"

NIN was my band of choice when I was doing 30 mile bike treks....made me peddle like the possesed...

I am glad you have not cut for so long....and yeah....sometimes we dont pay for our self-abuses until we get old(which we assume will never happen to us!! !!)I jumped of a bulding at 17 and recovered wonderfully....but that and years of "banging my head" at punk shows has resulted in major arthritis in my neck....I wear a heat wrap year around for this...what happened to "die young and leave a pertty corpse....live fast die young?".....Now its to late to do either....trying to kill time before it kills me(soon enough,I think)

There was a "debate" among Psyc "experts" for awhile about ....tattoes and piercings being "self abuse"
I say,if so...beats scars....and no less destructive then joining the military,racing cars ,football playing...
and its far cooler then any of those...I stopped at 5 large tats ...but as long as there is skin and money...who knows what I will get next...enjoy.

Hi krex,

I thik my fave Smiths line is

I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday, because you'r evil and you lie, and if you should die I might be slightly sad but I won't cry.

Or mabey - Why do I smile at people who I'd much rather kick in the eye?

The tottoo design was not ready I'm going back tonight as he promised me it would be done by now - I'm off in 5 minutes, actually, I'll let you know how it looks.

I always quoted the line about butning the candle at both ends (It only burns half as long), but I have found it just melts in the muddle and you end up a squidgy mess!

The urge to hurt is going away a bit now, it always takes a few days to fade away. I hope I can keep it up!

Cheers!

yeah...I like that line too....
"Why do I smile at people who I would rather kick in the eye"...the real irony is that I seldom "smile"and I am an ardent pascifist...ecept when It comes to the "Bush and buddies"...then,kicking to good for 'em.....

Hopefully getting the Tat will help with the "urges" every day is a victory....IMO...hope you post your tatto on the "post a pic site"....unless its on your butt or some thing...lol

Hi,

I got the design - realy happy with it. I am going back on Monday or Tuesda to have some alterations done, but hope to have the piece done within a week or two of that. I will definately post a pick of it when it is done.

Cheers