He's too busy for me.

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Okay, my bf of a couple months started a new job a few weeks ago. He's a paralegal. He works long hours and sometimes they'll call him in on weekends, causing him to cancel his plans with me. We see each other about twice a month so I feel really hurt when I'm left in the cold like this. When he gets home from work his phone is either low on battery or he goes right to sleep and doesn't reply to my texts. We live an hour and a half apart and if I could drive it would be a lot better so I could see him but I can't and I'm worried that he won't want me anymore. That I'm only an option when he doesn't have other things to do. I know working is important and he's doing what he loves but what if he loves his job more than me? I get all excited to spend time with him and then he cancels and we try to reschedule and then it happens again. Maybe I'm not worth it. With the money he's making, he could easily have much prettier women. Why would he care about a fat girl with AS? I guess I just need some cheering up.

Having to work long hours is the downside to a lot of good paying jobs--either you put in the extra hours or you find another job--especially if you are new and don't have any seniority. And, in this tough economy, who knows when you can find any job, much less a good one?

it's a new job, give him a chance to settle in and see if things get any better. perhaps it will start to overshadow his life less as he gets to grips with it and feels less need to make a good impression

I hope so. I don't know how many times I can handle being told, "sorry, I can't make it. Maybe another time?" I'm also worried he'll meet a hot lawyer chick in his office and she'll be much better than me on all fronts and he'll forget about me. Why chauffer a useless b***h like me around when there are so many more beautiful women making more money than I am that are probably a lot better in bed too?

there are many better women and many better men but you chose each other

hows your new job going btw?

You are not a b***h. You're a human and a lovely charismatic confident interesting one at that.

Yes you can doubt yourself but I think maybe your doubts are your mind's way of piling the blame on yourself for something someone else does that hurts you. I think you now have to examine whether it is good for you to continue seeing someone who makes you feel sort of second-priority. I understand that everyone has their own priorities and some people place work above all else but if you place people above all else then that is an incompatibility that either needs to be resolved by compromise I guess or seen as a dealbreaker. Otherwise you just take it out on yourself. Not good!

By the way you are beautiful as you are. Whether you'd like this or that to change remember you are absolutely gorgeous and perfect in the moment because the moment is all there is. On a more rational level, why not think of yourself as voluptuous/zaftig rather than fat. Something with a positive connotation.

Also: Hey! Why did you say AS like it's a detriment! It's something to be proud of, it's your unique neurological wiring. You make it sound like you're damaged goods because of it. Not at all! You are also perfect the way you are neurologically!

The much better in bed part I think we both know is your low self-esteem getting the worst of you. [Or wait - I guess best of you.] FWIW in my humble opinion there is no such thing as bad in bed because sex is not a commodity with an exchange rate and it's not separable from the people involved and thus no more gradable than a person is. If that made sense. When someone worries that they could be that to someone they are kind of diminishing him/herself in their imagination to the purveyor of a commodity which hopefully they are not to their significant other. If that IS how the significant other sees them then I'd say that is not a healthy relationship but that's a whole other tangent.

Same goes for money really. You are all a significant other could ask for without money, money/power does not need to be thrown into the deal to make you worthy.

You are inherently infinitely worthy!

I am going to attempt to cheer you up - but it is not the rosy-posy romantic comedy BS that you might want to hear...

1. The relationship is a young one. A couple of months is NOT a long time and you cannot realistically expect commitment from someone. I know that everyone is different and maybe he IS committed to you (keep in mind, I am basing my opinion about this only on this one post). But realistically- he might be seeing other people in any event.

2. Don't worry about the "hot lawyers" he might be working with. There will always be someone better looking, more talented, richer and who is more acrobatic in the bedroom. I don't care if you are Lady Gaga or Paris Hilton - there is always someone "better" around the corner. Be confident with yourself and make continued learning and self improvement a priority - you will always be dynamic and wonderful just being the dynamic and wonderful YOU.

3. While I agree that beginning a new job is stressful and he would want to spend time making a good impression at work. However, if he is serious - he will still make time for YOU. The fact that he cancels plans spontaneously and only spend a couple of times per month with you makes me wonder if you are high on his priority list (I told you at the beginning that my response was not rosy-posy...). You have a choice - you can accept this arrangement and simply ask that he make time for you once or twice per month - but stress that you want him to have the courtesy to keep his dates that you arrange or suggest that you both move on. There is a third option - continue to see this particular fellow - but open yourself to other possibilities. In other words - see other men yourself. Again, unless there is an explicit expression that you are "going steady" or otherwise exclusive/monogamous, there is NO expectation that either one of you not see other people.

4. Cultivate friendships with both men and women. Do things that you enjoy. Join a club. Do volunteer work. Have a life outside of this fellow. If you and him were meant to be together - you will be all the more interesting and attractive to him. If you were not meant to be - you will be all the more interesting and attractive to someone else. If you don't find any boyfriend material - you will still be interesting and attractive!! !

BTW - I'm a fat girl too and I am wonderful and gorgeous. So what if I will never be on a magazine cover - I'm great!! !! ! I am not interested in some silly man who doesn't think this too. I never want to hear you call yourself a "useless fat b***" again. You are a great, plus sized babe!! !! ! Live it girl!!

Maybe so but what if someone better throws herself at him? Would it be logical to say no? Probably not. I've been abandoned many times and you would think I'd be used to it by now but it still hurts.

My job is okay. My coworkers are petty b*****s, except for a couple of them and some of the people I help on the phone are beyond frustrating. I'll have to be content with it for now. My job isn't so great which is why I look forward to seeing him and when he cancels I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. Just more time by myself.

I know he doesn't really have a choice when he's called into work. I guess I'll just have to settle for being second-best. Like always. I'm never important enough.

I want to talk to him about it but our text conversations always get cut short and I never get to bringing it up. I feel like I'll be nagging him or overreacting to something he has no control over. I also get really emotional when it's close to that time of the month so it could just be hormones making me obsess over it.

P.S. Who else could I possibly see? I have no one else. My friend hooked me up with him because I don't have an active social life at home. The only place to socialize in my hometown is church and as someone who feels like God abandoned Earth long ago, they wouldn't like me much. Also, Christian boys tend to be pansies in my experience. "Ohhh, I can't do something. Let an imaginary deity do the work for meeeeeeee!" Point being, until I move I have no other options. And I really like him...I just wish I could see him more or talk to him more or something. I hate where I live. If I was closer, we could see each other much more often. I wish I could drive but I don't have a car and I suck at it. So I guess I'll have to settle with my own company until he finds a space for me in his schedule. :/

you haven't talked to him about it yet?

Trying to. His phone has low battery power usually and he's at work and then I'm working and then we're both asleep. We can't text at work and he's exhausted when he gets home. He started responding to my texts now and he asked me if I was okay. I told him that I was crying and I'm waiting for his reply. I hope I don't ruin the best relationship I've ever had by being clingy and emotional.

He says he'll see me next weekend on the 15th. I won't get my hopes up or get excited unless he's already here. And even when he is here, I'll be holding my breath every time he answers the phone because his attorney is calling him. Last time we hung out, we were supposed to spend the entire weekend together. I got friday night into Saturday afternoon because he had to go to court on Sunday. I know it's important but I was looking forward to it for weeks and it was ruined. Because of his job, I still haven't met his parents. I want that awkward interaction out of the way ASAP. Who knows? Maybe they'll hate me for no reason just like my ex's parents did and forbid me from seeing him ever again. Not like it would be too different from how it is now. Only it's his job that's forbidding me from seeing him.

We talked more and I apologized if I'm nagging or anything and he's like, "No...you're my girlfriend remember." And "if you need to talk, you can text me whenever and I'll be there." So long as he's not in the office of course. We're working relatively the same hours during the week so that's a given. I can't text while on the phone with callers asking about their medicaid. Either way, after talking to him and sleeping on it, I do feel better. Hopefully our plans next weekend do hold up and if not, we have the halloween party the following weekend that takes place AFTER his office closes so he has no excuse.

My boyfriend is still a bit like this after a few years together (workaholic, boo!)
i just have to remind myself that work is work, and it's nothing to do with not wanting to spend time with me, it's just circumstances and stuff.
Sometimes it's a little irritating and difficult, but then when we do have time together it makes it all the more special!

Glad you feel a little better about it now, Erisad.

Right. I just have to keep this in mind I guess. Thanks, em. ^.^

Hopefully you will get to see more of him soon. Either way. Try to stay positive!

(hug)