Massive Breakdown

Post Reply New Topic

Well tonight was probably the lonliest night of my life...my friend (N) who threw that party last week invited me to go to dinner with a couple other firends. I've known his other 2 friends for a while (P and R) so were all pretty tight.

We ended up going to an Olive Garden and when we got there everyone was waiting but then I noticed N's girlfriend was there and another girl who I've never seen and they were seated so that I was forced to sit next to the new girl.

I was immediately nervous and then N's girlfriend basically introduced all of us to her friend (V) as we began to eat. I instantly knew that I was set up by N as he smirked when I looked at him because this girl was gorgeous. I texted him and told him to meet me in the bathroom in 10.

So I waited in the bathroom, I appreciated the attempt that N tried to do to hook me up with someone but I hated the method because I don't like surprises and he knew that. I discussed that with him because I told him I like to plan out what I'm going to say and not knowing what to say with the unexpected curveball makes me worried I'll make a fool out of myself.

Anyway he told me to stop worrying and to be myself but I knew V wasn't going to fall for me. When I asked N more specifically about getting set up, he told me his girlfriend told V about me and basically set us up on a blind date.

....Great more pressure, like I needed to hear that.

So here I am, a bundle of nerves walking back to the table, I immediately go to sit down and my chair leg is unresponsive and I stumble on my chair trying to pull it out. After stammering multiple times answering questions V asked about me like where I went to school, etc... the worst thing that could possibly happens, happens...

I fumble with my soda and spill it on V.

I can not tell you how embarrased I was. After that happened I apologized and even though she said "It's alright." I just knew it wasn't and I knew that I had blown it.

So we finished eating and N said to meet back at his house. During the car ride back to his house I began to belittle myself for being such a screw-up. N told me to calm down and that everything will be okay.

***The plan was to get me and V friendly with each other to the point where we would hookup at N's house, if it went that well but if not at least a good start***

Well N had given a key for his house to his girlfriend and while we went to get gas on the 20-minute drive back to his house, the others were already at his house.

What happened next just floored me...

N went to pay for his gas and he left his phone in the car, his girlfriend texted him saying that V was hooking up with P right now, and that V thought that P was the guy N's girlfriend set her up with.

When I saw this I just went nuts and started crying hysterically...I couldn't help it, when N came back to the car and saw me he had no idea what had happened until I screamed "Check the f'in phone." When he saw the message, he tried to calm me down but it was too late.

I had snapped and N brought me back home. When we pulled into my driveway, I went nuts on him and blamed him for setting the whole thing up because he knew I didn't like it to begin with, I was such an a-hole to him telling him to f-off with my personal life, etc...

He was so hurt by my yelling that he just calmly said "get out, get over yourself, and call me when your ready to act like an adult."

When I went inside, my house was empty as my parents were away for the night and I continued to pity myself while stuffing down the 3 pieces of leftover pizza that we had the day before. I felt like dying right there and it took a while before I could calm myself down to fall asleep.

So now I feel like sh*t...I blew my chance and maybe my longtime friendship at the same time...I've called N back but he hasn't answered so I left a voicemail apologizing to him...should I just give it time? Why do I suck at life?

I could imagine myself in a situation like that. I would've made up an excuse and bailed (if I had a car) at the first instance.

For me at least, it would really hard to enjoy myself and relax under so much social pressure, especially since it was blind date and you didn't have time to prepare for it.

Have you told your friend that you have aspergers? When/If you speak with him again, just tell him you don't respond well to those types of situations.

If a guy I was attracted to spilled soda on me, it would not extinguish my attraction for him.
If a guy I wasn't attracted to spilled soda on me, that wouldn't make me any less unattracted to him.

So while you spilling soda on her was embarrassing for you, I don't think not spilling soda on her would have changed the outcome of the relationship.

One way to avoid becoming overly emotional in situations is to avoid focusing on the details and focus on the bigger picture. For example, in this situation, you were focused fairly intensely on how to interact with this girl, how to give a good impression, what to say, and for some reason in your head you had to pull this off flawlessly even though such a thing is impossible even for most NTs.

Instead, another way to view the situation would have been to think something along the lines of "I'm at a restaurant, there are some new people and I'm just going to socialize with them casually to get to know them a little, share a bit about myself, and enjoy my food."

When I say socialize casually I mean to the best of your ability. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. You can ask basic questions.
"How are you?"
"So, what do you do for a living" or, if you have been told by someone else what the person does "So (someone) tells me you work for (some company)" or something like that.

Because you were set up with this woman, chances are, if you went quite your friends would probably try to jump start a conversation for you by telling these women something about you in front of you, so that they can say something which allows you to elaborate on the subject.