Death death death death death...why can't you find me.

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There's so many people on our planet that dies by accident every damned day. Why can't I be one of those. Why do I have to find the courage myself. A little push by fate would certanly help.

What would make you want to live?

Do you see mental health professionals and if so have you told them how you feel?

You could try taking more risks.

"A little push by fate would certanly help." Maybe this is all fate's way of saying "nope."

I agree to the possibility of this (about fate not the more risks). What is it that is hurting you at the moment?

Because the universe is as sentient as a tennis racket.


In that sense you're best off planning - financially and psychologically - as if you'll live to be 80 or 90 and of course be pleasantly surprised if it turns out another way.

I think it's kind of unfair on both ends how there are people like me and the OP that WANT to die, then there are people that involuntarily die young either of an illness or just by bad luck.

I'm only here because of my children. Don't know what to say...

~Kate

I think it's safe to say for me, if it weren't for my parents and brother's love for me, I would have ended it a long time ago. As it is, even with their support I'm still not happy to be on this earth. There are things that could make me happy (vacations, certain looking women my type, moving to a better area) but they are all long shots and involve either money or luck and I don't have either.

A large part of luck in my humble opinion is effort poured into the right things, which can be controlled. Not to say you aren't trying, I know everyone is always trying their hardest, but maybe some research into the best uses for your efforts are in order. You don't have money right now but that is temporary.

If there are things that could make you happy don't give up. Moving to a better area is something you can pretty much guaranteed make happen with application of effort in the right directions. It's completely within your control. That seems like it would be a good thing to focus on first. So what is a list of ways you could make money given your interests and skills?

Good post. I think all of us could do better by asking ourselves what we see as being our obstacles, which obstacles are moveable, and of the moveable obstacles which ones can we think of solutions to? Activities that erode those obstacles? Researching that can have particularly strong results and often times success in those areas can significantly erode the impact that the immovable obstacles have on us.

I don't have any money (other than 500 dollars a month from social security) and am unable to work, so it's completely dependent on my parents.

Not to say the move would necessarily change things either. It just would be an upgrade. I live in a crime-ridden area (my neighborhood is fine, but people get killed for being in the wrong place at the wrong time in my town (small city.) )

Maybe there's a way for you to make an income that wouldn't be prohibitively stressful in the ways a traditional job would be. Things you do from home or that require very intermittent interaction with the public... like web design or making arts and crafts, maybe sculpting bonsai trees to sell for instance... or things related to writing... those are just what came to mind.

I'm fine most of the time. I just think there's a catch-22 to not having any goals or passions. On one hand, you're never disappointed, on the other hand, even if you have small things that make you happy at times (which I do) there's nothing "big" to look forward to. I do think, however, that when my parents finally move (and I go with them) that it will solve at least 50-60 percent of my unhappiness. I'm a country guy as I've mentioned, and live in a small city that has all the bad parts of a big city without the benefits of a big city.

I just need to get stabilized on the right medicine. It's a problem, though, because I'm very sensitive to medication. While the meds I'm on are touch and go and sometimes don't help, they're the closest thing to working than with previous medications, which didn't work at all or had severe side effects (anger problems, manic episodes, headaches, facial paralysis even.)

What doesn't make sense to me (other than the simple fact that some/a lot of it is bio-chemical) is why I would feel this bad, when there is absolutely nothing bad going on in my life at the moment. The things that would set me off (drama with NTs, social misunderstandings, being bullied at the workplace etc.) are not a part of my life and will never be a part of my life again. I'm on disability, never have to work, and my parents, while not rich, have enough money that when they're too old to take care of me or are dead that they have said I won't have to worry about money and will also inherit whatever house they move into.

I suppose 1.)Like I said the bio-chemical thing, 2.)Just the idea that if people were given the chance to bully me again, it would be happening only on a bigger scale (work environment) and possible sexual harassment accusations for just looking at a woman the perceived wrong way scares me. That the only reason I'm free is because I'm medically cleared.