need to vent to someone who will understand

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I have been feeling somewhat depressed today, and I think this thread talks about the heart of the issue: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt177398.html

Basically it's about not knowing whether someone is your friend, and not understanding the levels of friendship/how close someone is to you. I see my friends with their friends and they are much closer to their friends than they are to me.

Every time I socialize I get a reminder that I'm not "normal".

Singing is my usual way of making myself feel better, but I'm also transgender and have been on hormones (testosterone) for 6 months. My voice has changed so much that I'm having trouble accessing the high notes I need to reach as a voice major.

So today I completely failed at rehearsing with my accompanist, who I also managed to frustrate yesterday with a social faux pas. And then we ended up eating lunch together but I still felt like a complete failure not only at singing but at socializing, especially since I got one of those reminders in the form of one of her friends stopping by to say hi, which clearly reminded me that she is much closer to her friends than anyone in my life is to me.

The few friends I have will graduate at the end of this school year, and I will be alone again.

Why do I have to be so socially obtuse and "weird"? And the one thing I was good at, I am no longer good at. I really have nothing going for me right now.

That sucks about your voice changing. I read your other topic on the general autism board and I must say it is confusing.

As you get older, (teenage years infact) there are all these little intricacies involved in relationships that can make them quite confusiing.

My way of picking and choosing friends-- because no matter who I end up friends with they will never be perfect. Is based on chemistry and if they have things about them in which I can tolerate.

I relate to you saying you tell your secrets to quickly (as mentioned in your other post). I trust almost way too easily also and have been hurt as a consequence. It sometimes only takes one kind act or word from someone to get me to open up.

A thing to try is with your friends of who you have the most in common with or are the nicest (maybe not the guy who got irritated depending on what the social faux pas was) try and get methods to keep in contact with them at the end of the school year.

Also don't assume how close they are because of a five minute "stop by and say hi" chat, many individuals fake niceties unfortunately and are only themselves with people they trust. Unless they hugged and said I love you to each other.. then its okay to assume -.-

Hey, look on the bright side--you have hormones! Hopefully that will help you.

Concerning the voice thing, do you need to hit the high notes because they think you're female? Maybe you can explain to them about your transgenderness and how you can no longer hit the high notes and they can change you to the requirements of a male or something...I don't know anything about how voice majors work at whatever college you go to, though.

Does everyone know about your Asperger's Syndrome? If not, tell everyone you know immediately. This will help them understand if you do something that is Socially Unacceptable. If they know that, that also gives you room to ask people who you think might be your friends if they're your friends. Say, "Are you my friend?" Make sure they know you want an honest answer and not a stupid normal people Socially Correct answer. This will clear up the friends issue for you.

I am happy I am able to be on hormones, I know not every trans person has that luxury.

I'm actually presenting as a male in university now. My voice range has dropped from soprano to bass. The high notes I'm having trouble hitting are male high notes. But they're not really that high, even notes that a bass should be able to reach I have trouble with. Like the D right above middle C.

No one knows about the possibility that I have AS, because I haven't officially been diagnosed yet. As soon as I work up the courage, I am going to go to my doctor and get a referral, but I won't have a diagnosis for a while. So I can't really say I have it right now, when I don't have the diagnosis. I'm not even very sure that I want to tell people about it if I do get diagnosed, lest I become victim of preconceived notions as to what AS is.