My New Boss Hates Me

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Hi,
I just need a place where I can tell someone what I'm feeling right now. My few friends are NTs and just don't have problems like this.
I got a new boss three months ago. She's part of a small, select group of people brought in to change how we do business. So the situation isn't the best to start with. But new supervisors always cause me a lot of fear. Because I've had it go really badly a couple times in the past. Embarrassment, public humiliation, nasty performance reviews. Not because my work results are bad -- I'm really good at what I do. But because I'm "unfriendly", or "difficult", or simply "so bad to work with that no one should have to be subjected to me". I don't think I'm that bad. I have the usual Aspie social problems, and use too much detail, and can be too literal. But I'm not mean. And most of my co-workers adjust to me once they get more familiar with me. But with bosses it usually take a long time, and a lot of pain happens first.
This time it seemed like things were going to be ok at first. She was really friendly and supportive. But the last 6 weeks she's been cold to me, and even says scornful things to me, sometimes in front of other people. Like when I approach a group of people in the hall that includes her, she'll look me up & down and then say "Oh, we don't need you here."
She's made strange comments to me, just out of nowhere, about how she can read non-verbal behavior and body language, and can tell what people think about her. I'm assuming the underlying problem is my Aspie social difficulties -- forgetting to stop myself from ducking my head to avoid eye contact, gazing past her when she's talking because I can't look and listen at the same time. Or having to think my way through doing eye contact, and I'm sure my facial expression changes when I'm doing that. I tried to explain the seeing vs. listening problem to her, at a point when I thought it might be bothering her. She used to be a psych nurse, and I think she even had a private practice for awhile. So I thought she would understand sensory processing difficulties, but she didn't.
I've heard that she's been talking to other people about how she doesn't like this person or that person because she doesn't like their affect. She used to be a psych nurse, so she uses words like "affect". With one person, she doesn't like them because they don't smile enough.
She really is superficial in this way, and some other ways.
That's easy to say. But as my supervisor, she controls a lot of my work life. I so, so much don't want to fail at this, again. I don't want to be humiliated again. At first I thought she would be better person than that, but now I'm not so sure.
I'm telling myself that I've live through other difficult things in the past, and that eventually I'll get past this too. But right now it's just hard.
Thanks for listening/reading.

El

I truly feel you're pain. I too was publicly humiliated at my last job, and sadly, was fired. I only worked there not even 2 months. Things just didn't go well, and I blame myself entirely. My manager wasn't the best, and i'm sure no one there knew that I have autism, and that was okay for me, because I didn't want them to know. My life is just one big screw up after another. Sigh.

This sounds like hostile behavior on her part and my constitute workplace bullying. See if you can find some way to document it and if it continues to be an issue in a few months, if your company has an HR department, take your evidence to them.

Concerning the fact that she used to be a psych nurse, remember, the key phrase is [b]used to[/b[.

I totally agree with Chronos, her behavour would be bad even directed toward NTS

She sounds like a douchebag. I think the best thing is to just let her comments wash over you and just focus on your job and getting along with the other people. A useful thing to do is when she makes a snide comment, pretend that she didnt make a snide comment at all.

Example:

Boss: "We dont want you here."
You: "Ok. Just came by to say hi."
then walk off but dont look offended.

Next time she tries to talk to you, be civil and polite. If she makes more comments, just talk to her nicely and pretend it isnt happening. The thing about snide comments is that they are intended to upset, and if the person they are intended for isnt getting upset, the snide person will eventually give up their behaviour. They do what they do for a payoff and hope to get you caught up in their drama. But their issues are not your problem.

You should document it. Since your job is concerned, don't ignore the attacks. Such kind of supervisors make their decisions out of personal biases. You could even use one of those small voice recorders to document her mean comments. If you ask a coworker to testify, more often than not they will say no since they are afraid to get in trouble or lose their job.

Years ago i lost a great job because a new department head always came too close and even touched me which caused me to back off. He did this again and again though i had asked him politely to keep an arm length distance. Once he even blew his (stinking) breath in my face. Result after a few months of attacks from his side, meltdown and getting fired.

Dear El, after reading your account, I think that your supervisor has really gone overboard. No matter how she treats you, remember that you're just being yourself whereas she is the one being toxic. Psych people aren't always right. They can be misguided too. I'm still unhappy with certain psych people for misdiagnosing a relative.

Former Psych nurse? Sounds like a no-nothing know-it-all.

I was treated the same way. Looked at differently.

Sadly, a lot of "professionals" know jack sh*t about anything really.

It's amazing at how you aren't required to be smart to get a good job if you've got the connections and the social charm.

I'm sorry this has happened to you

some people in the psych profession are poisonious....just because she was a psych nurse doesnt mean her teachers inparted morality when they were training her. She knows full well what she is doing and how it impacts you but it sounds like she has mental issues of her own...honestly she sounds like a sociopath type 2. Type 1 tend to be violent and serial killer types, type 2 can be quite successful and live to make people's life a living hell.

Anyway get a tape recorder. I suggest you get one that is easy to hide. Spy gadgets has a pen that is a digital voice recorder...they have a website, so you can google it. I really suggest you get that.
Dont tell anyone about the pen, and as soon as you see her, act like you are writing stuff down and turn it on, or place it behind your ear, but somewhere in the open. Dont leave this pen anywhere while you are at work. This pen is also a functional pen too.
I think it is downloadable once it gets full.

but once it gets full, take it to your HR department, and tell them of how she treats others as well and that she is very unproffesional and abusive with the staff.


Jojo

http://www.brickhousesecurity.com/digit ... utton.html

here is the pen...it is about 80 dollars, but worth it.

Jojo

Wow! Thanks everyone. I appreciate all the understanding. And I'm going to go look for that pen/recorder.

El

I hear ya. I really hate how nowadays doing your work the right way isn't good enough. I've had a couple bosses that just get too rough and rowdy with you. They don't really get that we don't want to take risks with behavior because we want to keep our job. Luckily, I've never had a boss as bad as your situation before. Even the ones that laid me off I left on decent terms with.