My life is falling apart.

Post Reply New Topic

I don't expect a bunch of shoulders to cry on, but I have to write this all out.
I'm losing my job in less than two months because my position was paid for by a grant that won't be renewed. My team and I exceeded the goals that were set for us by the govt. agency that funded our project, but we're being pruned for financial reasons. My company is offering me another position that I can't take because I would have to move. It's a s**t job with s**t pay, but I would take it out of desperation if I could.

I can't. My ex is suing for custody. There was a pre-trial conference last week and I heard back from my lawyer just yesterday that the case is going to be heard in the court in the state/county where I lived until last year because of some timeline statute. She (judge) also made it clear that if I don't move back to that area, she may very well rule in his favor despite his record for assault. I have a hearing coming up, and the language from the conference suggested that the hearing will be pointless. She is more impressed with his job/income/homeownership/marriage than the idea of a single, unwed mother who has been able to successfully raise a well adjusted child despite having a violent crazyass for a father. It's a very conservative, religious county, and I'm neither of those things.
There's a lot more to it but I really can't post it on the internet.

I was mugged two nights ago. I wasn't really hurt (I think the guy who mugged me got the worse of the hurting) but this is the second time in less than a year that I've been attacked in NYC. The last attack was an attempted sex assault in broad daylight. Both times, there were onlookers who did nothing, and half-assed policework. I have OCD that's been under control with meds and a LOT of self-work, but I'm getting to the point again where leaving my apartment is almost unbearable.

I have 'flat affect' depression so I know I come across as cold and clinical when I talk about these things; most people can't really sense how distressed I am, even when I'm telling them that my job, my child, and my physical safety are all in jeopordy and I feel like I'm spinning out of control. I'm on the verge of losing every single thing that means anything to me. I've just gone cold. I want to be a little girl so someone will come along and wrap me up in their arms and make me feel safe, but even when I was a little girl, I didn't have that.

I know it's messed up for a parent to feel suicidal (and I'm not going there, I'm really not) but that's how I feel. And there's no one I can turn to who won't just give me trite platitudes about life and Jesus s**t... I don't know if I want to scream, or cry, or tear somebody's eyes out, or roll into a little ball and die. I don't know what to do. I don't know if there's anyting I *can* do. I just wish I could fall asleep and never wake up. I don't have any more strength to keep going. I just don't.

Fullofstars, I'm so sorry you're going through all this. I would feel the same as you if I had undergone your experiences, and I likely would not recover from someone even attempting to take my children away.

I wish there were something I could say to help you. Do you have good legal representation?

How do you know the hearing will be pointless? Surely it's better to try and go into something like that with a positive outlook?

Given what's happened to you though, I can understand how that can be hard.

Do you have any friends or relatives that could help you out? It also might help to see your doctor, they may be able to help as well, whether it's with meds, therapy or putting you in touch with a local support group.

Sorry you're having such a terrible time

I'm very sorry to hear about your job loss and the two assaults; no wonder you feel the way you do right now.

edited: said too much,

XXXXXXXXX

His records are on file and the judge knows all about it.

Fullofstars, I like you. I think most of us do.

Fullofstars, I don't know what to say aside from how sorry I am to hear of what you're going through. Any one of those this is horrible. All at once is...well, I can't really find the term. I hope things work out ok in the end. Hang in there.

Hugs to you FOS! Is there anything I can do to help you from NC? Please advise!

wow, I dont even know what to say
please keep us informed how things go. I wish you the best

I wish I knew what to say to help. Hang in there and best wishes.

Thanks, you guys. It's just so hard when bad things hit in surges, like this. I feel like I barely have the strength to deal with one of these things, much less all of it at once.