Am I Depressed?

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I am have always been the last to know these sorts of things, but I now suspect that I am depressed. I realize there has never been a part of my life I have truly been content with.

I never had friends in high school, and my grades were ok, not great. A lot of my peers (or those whom I considered my peers) went to prestigious schools in the Northeast. The rest went to state schools (which sadly aren't all great in my state). I resolved to go to a semi-prestigious school in one of the most hectic cities in the US. I'd be far from home, and forced to face issues I never did. For instance, how do I interact with people? How do I cope with an urban lifestyle?

I did ok. My grades were pretty good, I worked through school for a serious company (my supervisor, who since became president, is now a good friend), and interned as a journalist in London. Yet I found participation in groups there hard, and try as I might, I never really made friends. I graduated, got a real job, and quit. There were a few reasons I quit, but the main reason was that I was unhappy AND I had no social support network. I had no one to b***h to after a hard day of work, or celebrate my successes with me. It's become really futile.

I spent a summer at home, and was really depressed. Like suicidally depressed. I felt like a f**kup. I resolved to return to this city soon and start looking for another job. I am here now, and have been here for a while. I wonder if I am falling into the same trap I did previously. I know no one here, and can't seem to meet anyone, try as I might. It seems far easier to meet people other places I go to.

I am not sure what my next step should be. On the one hand, I want to go home. It feels safer there. My city is in the rust belt, yet finding a job may actually be easier because my resume is so much better than other people my age. I also have ideas for a low-cost small business there, and know of potential clients who are extremely interested in my service. All I'd have to do is figure out what to charge them .

On the other hand, going home means I'm a f**kup. I had a bad interview a few days ago, and I wonder if I'm just being discouraged. I also feel I can persevere in this city, and that may mean more opportunities down the road. Yet I may be sad the whole time I am here.

So what's your opinion? Am I really depressed, or am I just whining about a normal part of life, and need to get over it?

I guess I should mention my other problem: Every time I try exploring feelings with my friends or family, they suggest I go to a psychologist. I do, and the psychologist says I'm fine. I already am on Venlafaxine XR for social anxiety, which works wonderfully there. But no one really likes to talk about my depression. I figure you people don't mind if I do.

I think depression can come in waves sometimes. You had a friend at your old job, maybe you could see if he has a face book account and wants to hang out once in a while.

It can be depressing to have no social contacts, since you graduated and have had work experience maybe it is possible for you to go back home and get a job there. You might be able to make new friends indirectly through working.

My friend is an executive. We are good friends, but she is very busy between her job and her new children. Any free time she gets, she flies on a plane straight to her home town in Missouri. I can't say as I blame her.

I am leaning towards going home for a spell. I think I can get an ok job there, and I might coach local Aspies on social skills on nights and weekends (mine are actually pretty good). I have a network of potential clients there.

My fear is that I'm going home and staying there, but I'm not sure that's necessarily the case. I definitely want to go to grad school soon. I've spent my entire life on the East Coast, maybe I can go out West for a bit. Maybe if I'm really lucky, I can go to school in either London or Chicago, two cities I have always wanted to live in.