I'm crashing into an OCD moment...

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Certain words keep flying at me right now. "Frieslander, if you support your friends without .... " (from hyperlexian,). It wasn't her fault, it was mine, but I keep obsessing about it in a very disturbing fashion.

Things my family have said to, especially my brother, and somewhat my dad.

I've been holding it together for about 2 weeks now, my dad's surgery was a week ago tomorrow morning. But I can't hold it together any longer. I'm really falling apart.

Things people say sometimes also repeat in my mind. And it can hurt me when people are only partially for me or only partially accept me.

One technique I stumbled upon, when I was working at H&R Block and studying taxes, I would study a technical subject and maybe make pencil notes in the margin. The fact that it was a technical subject seemed to rather calm me. And then I had a blank piece of paper with me, and that was the very important thing. And I was open to writing 0, 1, 2, or 3 things down, just sentences. That is, I deliberatively under did it. For example, I might write "I wish she would have . . . "

And this seems to help some of the time.

You have to find something to divert your attention.
Releasing excess energy helps too.

play basketball, put on roller-skates,
listen to a book on tape
dance
help someone - volunteer (helps you feel good, small like helping an elderly person
put groceries in her car, or hourly -mentor a teenager, referee roller derby, look
on line in your city)
of course look for stuff you like

Hope it helps