I am so very confused.

Post Reply New Topic

I mean when I was younger life seemed to make more sense, or maybe I was just not under as much pressure to have a life that made sense. I don't really like talking to some people in my family because they always want to know if I have a job, how I'm doing in college, what I want in life and all that and I don't have a clue.

I am dropping out of college, not a very positive conversation peice to bring up at thanksgiving dinner I guess...and I have no idea if I can find a job or not, and having a job is not my ultimate goal in life at all but if I want to get by in the current system I kind of need income I guess.......makes no sense to me anymore, I need worthless paper to buy things with or apparently the entire universe will collapse at least that is the impression I get sometimes by peoples reactions. I guess economics and politcs are also topics not to bring up at thanksgiving dinner..........


But anyways I am just really confused about life and it kind of bothers me because I have no idea were to go from here, if there were not so many people I cared about I would be contemplating suicide about now.....and of course I'm so twisted I almost see that as a nuisince I mean if only there was no one I cared about I could just get it over with. I mean what the hell, why did I have to be born into a world that makes no freaking sense to me? I mean I don't think there is any therapy or drugs that can cure me of this problem.

the world doesn't make sense to anyone it's not to be understood why we are here exept that we feel things and in feeling we can know things even if we don't understand them.

The difference between the responsibilities of a kid and an adult in my opinion is freedom.

As a kid, the norm for a lot of places anyway is homework, school, studying, tests, extra curricular activities and sometimes making friends.

You don't have to go to college, you don't even have to have a normal job, but unfortunately you do need money in order to buy things that you need.

Life is hard, but there are ways to get what you want. But yeah--you must try to play it smart to the best of your abilities.

These systems aren't all there is to life, they are a means to an end in order to achieve some of your goals.

I'm sorry some of these things are hard right now. I understand you don't know where you're going right now.. but this is what potential is--several things that you haven't learned or expanded upon yet. You have a great deal of it, you are young yet.

People do care about you.. but the flipside is true for you also, you must deeply care for them. There must be some things that you like, some part of the world that is worth hanging on to.

Even when you get older life doesn't necessarily make sense, but you can cope with it. Marijuana and music are great places to spend your time.
Don't worry about what people think of you; take care of yourself.

Hellish? In some instances it is. I'm 25 and i've had a "job" before at a restaurant that my mom owned. Then have been unemployed for over a year, I have finally earned my own job just a month ago. There is a sense of pride--not as a measurement of whether I was good enough to fit into society, but because of my own "developed" ability.

There are social nuances, i'm not really aware of them myself. But something small like getting a job can lead up to enough to do something big. A goal I know you've mentioned is gaining independence and not living in your mom's house because you hate being around when she's fighting with her boyfriend.

If you love your family enough to live for them, maybe that sort of drive can be something to inspire you to find other things that are worth living for.

Whisky and some good marijuana often help me.

Life is one moment at a time. Just get through the next moment and the next ... and try to enjoy as much of it as you can.

That's not to say you shouldn't think about the future. That monetary devil is always there. If you have access to mental health services, use it. There are things you can do to make things easier.

I relate to what you say about society being totally screwed and the pointlessness of living in it, those thoughts have haunted me for years. The only reason I kept living a few years ago was because I didn't want to traumatize the few people who still care about me, maybe that will keep you going, who knows. Its a crappy reason to stick around, but more recently I also find myself feeling better when I think about how messed up society is, and how I am better than the NTs swarming around me like livestock; if people want to get pepper sprayed for cheap electronics they don't need, that sad, but at least I'm not involved.
I feel drawn to your posts because you express so much of the frustration I've felt over the last decade or so, and you do it eloquently (which is how I know I agree with you so well). To be honest, feeling this way has almost ended me, but I found some peace and purpose in work where I am basically helping to build better bridges, reduce pollution, prevent pointless tax spending, and identify government waste and conflicts of interest all in one. I may not contribute a lot, but all of those things are at least a positive change. I hope you can find the same, because you sound lost right now.
Honestly, you know what you know and what you believe, there are ways of getting by without conforming to the social norms, you can survive without a job if you choose to or only work for the basics, and you don't need college either. My advise is to be selfish for a while, take care of yourself, but do what you want, your way, and hopefully you can find yourself through that. Maybe you can turn your frustration into motivation to find your way, life the way you think it should be, without society's guidance or approval, f*** society, live life how you see fit. The advantage of being in your 20s is that you are in charge of you.
More and more people are coming around to see that society is sick, and more will follow if they can see a better, more simple life in action. Most people, I'd say NTs in particular, are stuck with what works for them until someone can convince them otherwise. Perhaps you can find purpose in helping others understand a better existance, even if it is by simply living it.

oh yeah, and that...

I can see how you feel this way. I think finding relationships with similar minded people could help you feel better. I think actual people are in the end more important than how you're supposed to "fit in" to society in the economic sense. In the end a job that gets you money is just a way to survive. Everything else is more important.

ok to put it bluntly I feel like Alice in Wonderland..........except its more like Sweetleaf in Hellland.