Being depressed but not caring that you're depressed?

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Is there any way to be depressed, kind of consistently, not like life, but not have the ups and downs and just be like "Yeah life sucks but oh well" and ride it out until the day one's natural death comes?

It's weird...I have absolutely no expectations out of life, no goals, but I still can't help but get upset over stupid things or just being dissatisfied in general with the state of the world. I'm trying to get to a point where I can be comfortably depressed if that makes sense, on an even keel.

I completely 100% understand what you mean. You should read my post...We're one in the same.

I'm just not sure how much I can take. It isn't the Aspergers. It's the severe depression/mood swings/anxiety that come with it and that no pills (as of yet) have cured.

The Aspergers if anything ensures that I don't have to deal with the outside world and the douchebags and office politics and such. It's the fact that I have the depression/mood swings/anxiety/suicidal thoughts on top of it.

I was THIS close to downing 500 pills of aspirin last week (and yes I told my parents and doctor.) What kept me from doing it? Fear of the idea of "hell" with fire and torture and sodomy and the like.

The French have a word for that: ennui.

" It generally refers to the feeling of jadedness that can result from living a life of too much ease."

Consider a move to Paris? You'll fit right in.

Personally, I have made my peace with depression. Things move a little slower. I move a little slower, and spend more time thoughtlessly ruminating on the details of life. Colors are even more intense than normal, but not in a hard "stabbing my eyes" kind of way. I take depression as an opportunity to slow down, escape from the mania that my culture is obsessed with, and just wallow in the richness of life.

That's exactly how I feel. Some days I just want it all to end. Iv'e been thinking about being instutionalized somewhere. I just need to go somewhere other than where i'm at now.

I was institutionalized a handful of times in late 06/early 07, which eventually led to the Asperger diagnosis. It's actually kind of like a vacation from your life. People there (for the most part) are very nice and you make friends and just feel away from everything.

I'm not talking about actual mental institutions where they put psychotics...but in care short term depression clinics.

Actually sadly some of the better memories of my life.

Yes, a depression ward. I think that's what i'm eventually going to have to do. It actually looks like a place i's like to be in for awhile.

That made me think about something else. What could make me "happy?" Like, what are the things in the world that could bring happiness in my life and make life more bearable until death naturally happens.

1.)More access to my "Visual mind." At times, and it happens out of nowhere, I can go to beautiful scenic areas in my mind, very vivid imagery, or good memories of the past, and it gives me this high I can't describe. If I could just switch that on and off whenever I wanted, that would be great. It just randomly happens though.

2.)More music. I'm in the middle of forming a band with a couple old high school friends and my brother, and everyone except me is very busy. I'd venture to say if we were rehearsing a few times a week, and not just once a week and sometimes even skipping a week because someone is busy, I'd be happier.

3.)Seeing more of the world. I'm taking Purchase's advice and just seeing more of the areas around me...but when i was at my happiest, was when I was on that vacation to Orlando and Virginia Beach...seeing new parts of the country, feeling like "Wow I'm in a completely different area" and exploring it. Unfortunately, travelling to distant areas costs a lot of money, even if it's just a weekend getaway.

4.)Some kind of female connection. I don't like to categorize relationships. But some kind of woman that I'm physically attracted to beyond just "I want to sleep with her" and can talk to about stuff, even if just casual stuff. From past experience, it feels good even just hanging out with a girl that you're attracted to and is nice to you/a cool person.

I spent some time in the psych ward on suicide watch a couple years ago, too. I, however, did not enjoy it at all. It was a "crazy" ward though, not a "depression" ward.

Having hobbies and a purpose in life really helps for me. Me, I try to do as much stuff myself as I can. I find doing things the slow, hard, way helps the most. I've always been into fixing stuff, but now I've taken it to a whole new level of slow. I'd rather chop down a tree with an axe than a chainsaw, rather sew with a needle than a machine (but if your sewing machine breaks, I totally want to see it's guts and fix it for you.) I find that savoring the slowness of doing things by hand helps occupy time and stave off the boredom that the depression festers in and turns rancid.

Volunteer work really helps, too. Gives you something to feel good about. Like volunteering at a food shelf (food bank, some places call them), even if it's at a church...I'm so not religious. Or helping that elderly neighbor rake their lawn.

Actually, anything I can do to work my body in a slow, repetitive way helps pull me through a depression. Riding the bicycle is really good for that too. Maybe I'll ride 8 miles to that grocery store across town instead of the one by my house. Good excuse to get outside and be warm even when it's chilly out, and I don't have to talk to anyone.

Oh, having my cat around helps a lot, too. My depressive periods are only a couple weeks now instead of half a year, since I got the cat. he's a silly and mouthy, very loving, little booger face.

I was at McLean...if you're not familiar with it, it's a very nice facility...James Taylor actually stayed there once when he needed a break from everything. If anything, I didn't learn my lesson there. I thought "wow this is fun" (minus the bad cafeteria type of food.) I had an actual suicide attempt in early 07 and ended back there, but a different branch, and when I explained my symptoms, they came up with the Aspergers diagnosis. All I knew about Aspergers was that it was a form of autism...but they explained that it was mild autism and that mine was a mild case but still enough to affect me.

The pills I was put on then were working all the way up until about the spring. I was depressed, not happy, but I wasn't suicidal at all or having wanting to die type thoughts. I was just kind of like George in Seinfeld lol.

I do tend to have suicidal thoughts, but I know i'll never pull though with them. But if worse comes to worse in my life. A depression ward will really be my only option for the time being. Life just blows. Plain and simple.

I make no big deal out of my depression and it almost bugs me that others do and so much. All those sensory issues, social anxiety, all the ocd nonsense, mood swings - just of awfully ridiculous amplitudes, all kinds of depression, and now I am just misanthropic to the very bones. What gives? And so I do my stuff with a slight dash of naive hope to be completely independent one day or a meteor striking the earth but nevertheless I know I am going to die soon if not tomorrow. And I am just fine with it. No, I am really not but that train left a long ago and I am leaving with the next one.