Tired of being sad/lonely/depressed

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I have no energy. I spend all of my time either at work, or at home. I was training some MMA, but I gave that a little break and hopefully I can just jump back in.

Im fairly positive my body isn't absorbing nutrients correctly and I might have some digestive intestinal disorder. I was just at the hospital a few weeks ago because of a random Cyst that appeared out of nowhere, and now I have a PHAT f*****g PHAT FFFAT hospital bill because I don't have insurance so its not like I can just see a doctor whenever I want for "Trivial" issues like digestive/sleep/depression when I am strapped for money. Even with my parents helping me out, I am still not anywhere near close to coming out ahead with rent and all of the other bills I have to pay, and all the gym tuition and the self-improvement books that I want to buy.

I don't know. My life has always been nothing. I was a loner in HS, I tried coming out of my "shell" in college. I dropped out because my "college experience" was a lie. It was all a waste. Now I have fallen into a dark abyss that is far worse than anything before in my life. At least in HS there were people to verbally bully me, and other students around me, even if I didn't talk to them, I could have. I was still forced to be around other people. Now though, there is nothing forcing me, I am just being habitually by myself. I would rather be back in HS.

I have never before felt this lethargic and listless. I have never before never had any friends like I currently don't. I have usually had at least 1 friend or maybe two. Right now I don't have any friends. That one dude never really felt like a friend. He seemed loyal, but in an ignorant way. He was dumb as f**k. I didn't agree with his lifestyle of "smoking weed 24/7". I just don't really see how or why he wanted to hang out with me so much. It just didn't make any sense. But most importantly I just didn't feel like he really listened to me at all when I have something to express. I ended up hanging out with him just because I was lonely, and that is no good.

He hangs out with a few losers now who I used to hang out with but not anymore. He kind of chose them over me when he dashed a restaurant with them and left me.

Anyways my point is, nothing is going for me in my life, but I am tired of feeling badly. I don't really know why life matters anymore. Im sure my life is all my fault. At least the past 6 years are. I could have been at such a different spot then where I am right now. So unreal

My whole life now just seems wack as f**k and backwards. I have made alot of these posts, but why bother anymore?

The only thing that is your fault...is your future.
This is what I do for myself.

If I were my own best friend
What advice would I give to me?
Then I would take it.

Are you the guy who thinks fat people are the equivalent of leppers?

Yes. My exact words. Seriously this is a completely different subject. You took that subject completely out of context. I guess you want to slam it in my face, but I am not in the mood to debate with you

I won't, this thread has been moved to a suitable location.

That question popped into my mind when I opened this thread. There are worse things to be than fat.

I'll just leave this thread now.

Then why did you bring it up?

Because you posted this thread in a place that invites debate. The haven doesn't, which is where it's been moved to. Also I told myself after I posted that that I should have probably given you a break. But I can't get some of the stuff you said out of my mind.

Now I am confused. I thought I posted this in The Haven. If I didn't, that was where it meant to be anyway.

If you really think that I think of overweight people as lepers.....If that is really what you got out of what I was trying to say, Then you are somebody that I don't want to debate. You completely misconstrued what I was saying.

But who cares? I can't change what you think so believe what you want.