Didn't know where else to post this...

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Hey all. I know I haven't been that active on here as of late, but I have been dealing with what I am about to tell you all about. I didn't know where else to post this. I just found out that my wife has been cheating on me since we started dating. I am in the army and she is cheating on me with a senior non-commissioned officer!! I don't know what to do. I have full video evidence of typed conversations she has had with him. They are both calling me a ret*d, dumb, a douche, and that I am controlling (when I am far from it). She is making me out to be some kind of villain when I am not. I don't really know what I am going to do. Be blunt, BUT GENTLE with me when giving your advice. Thanks for hearing me out.

I will gently tell you to leave her immediately. Also, you may seem controlling when you don't mean to be, so try asking people you trust for input about your behavior.

LEAVE HER. No one should have to put up with that.

I think you should confront her but gently (but maybe don't show recording unless she denies, it might seem creepy and spark unec. reaction) without much emotion, show her what a kind honest and bright person she's going to lose, and then it's all her regret. At the same time try to understand why has this happened. Very best to you, you deserve so much better.

Do not leave the house. I don't know where you live, but it could be taken as abandonment and that is the last thing you want as it could give her grounds for divorcing you. You can ask her to leave, but unfortunately she doesn't have to. If you have the money, consult a lawyer immediately. I'm going through a divorce and I fled the house for fear of my life, now he's trying to get me for abandoment. How long have you been married? I wouldn't confront her. You know how she feels about you and nothing good would come of it. I'd start keeping a file on all information you've gathered in a safe place. Try to see what else you can find that will show that she cheated. Until you've spoken with a lawyer, I would act like you don't know anything.

Good idea about consulting your friends on your behaviour. Just don't get defensive about it if they say you are. We all have problems with our behaviours and until we learn about them, we can't change.

Please feel free to contact me if you want to! Sorry this is happening to you!

My thoughts go out to you. The thing to remember is that you need to look out for yourself.
I'm not going to say awful things about the female, because I think we all deserve to be happy and this means that both of you can pursue what is going to fulfill you. There are reasons that things happen and while her actions are absolute s**t, they are done now and have provided you with tons of information. Like what kind of person she really is, her true feelings etc. now you know for sure that she is not the person you thought and you can handle the imminent situation as calmly as possible with no regrets over losing someone who wasn't that great.
I know it sounds a bit cold, I'm just trying to point out the silver lining. (you didn't lose someone important, because no one who's going to ultimately be important in your life would do that)

I agree with all the others, especially the part about not leaving until you're sure of the consequences.

You say you are in the army. I think the army has seen this sort of situation before. Could you talk to a padre? or a counselor? Or would that backfire? I'm thinking maybe they could transfer you (without your wife) to somewhere, where you would have the time and space to put yourself back together. Maybe they can help you get a divorce.

I'm a civilian so I don't know how it goes in the army. In my office, we can get referred to counselors and heaven help us if we do.

Does this senior NCO have a wife?

Can you volunteer for a posting elsewhere?

You are in a terrible situation; I hope you can find a way out.

Leave her =/ I'm sorry this happened to you.

My stance most of the time generally.. for marriage is to try and work it out.. specificially if you have kids together.

But this has been happening since you guys started dating? Any promises she made you, any wedding vows, any intimacies you thought believed to you alone, she's betrayed from the start.

I don't know what you mean by senior non-commissioned officer but if that guy has any kind of power over you at all or works with or around you; I would suggest going to someone a bit higher up than him with the evidence. I would also highly recommend taking that evidence to a divorce lawyer before you do anything drastic like confronting them or leaving