How can I stop criticizing myself

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I came to a revelation recently and that is I constantly criticize every little thing thing i say or dont say and do or dont do. And I realize I project this to others and and do the same to others (although, as I grow older my filter has gotten much better as to what is best left unsaid but I still do it to myself). So no wonder I cant make friends and people dont really care to converse with me or that quite frankly I'm an a**hole. Do any of you have this problem? I really dont like myself but I so desperately want to. Please help! How can I stop doing this to myself?

Observe your mental chatter, recognize when you're treating yourself (or others) like crap, and replace with a more positive idea.

Usually these things arise from contact with a harsh parent or other authority figure (or a collection of them) where their strictures become internalised. It's essentially an inability to forgive and accept self.

I find these guided meditations very useful:

http://www.buddhanet.net/mp3/huxter/hux ... ndness.mp3

Thanks Moog. I used to meditate doing breathing meditation. I definitely need to get back to meditating. Thanks for the link, I'll have to try it.

As to where it comes from I think some of it has to do with a friend of mine that I've had for 15 years. The worse thing about him is that he does it in such a sneaky way I never see it coming until it hits me right in the face. But thankfully I've done my best to distance myself from him for the last two years and it seems to be working finally.

those guided meditations are awesome.

i also criticise myself, and i used to criticise other people a lot as well. it helps me to remember the true source of the critical chatter (like Moog noted) - my family. my parents (and extended family, and of course me & my siblings as we got older) were extremely critical so it's really their voices replaying in my head.

in therapy, i learned not to trust my inner voice so much: just because i am hearing it in my head doesn't make it true. we automatically trust what that voice is saying because... well, because it is *ourselves* and we believe that we tell ourselves the truth. but we are not so objective as we believe - our inner voice can be biased and harsh and destructive and mean and unfair and untrue.

it helped me to replace that inner voice with less distorted thoughts (i have a worksheet from the book Ten Days to Self-Esteem by David Burns (link). it doesn't help to replace the thoughts with ridiculously positive affirmations, but it can help to replace them with honestly true statements.

you may need to create a better filter when interacting with other people by forcing yourself not to speak until you have reviewed your comments in your head. yes, it will create short awkward silences but that little bit of discomfort is better than ruining a friendship. i went too far in the other direction and censored myself too much, and now i am finding a balance.

one important thing to keep in mind is that it all goes back to that same inner voice that you are trusting too much - that voice is telling you that the other person is flawed or wrong in some way, and that is an extremely arrogant view. your own inner voice is not always right, especially where other people are concerned. criticising other people is a way of telling them that you are essentially closer to perfection and know what is best for them - none of which is obviously true most of the time.

thanks Moog!

Thats some real good insight on your part that I think will really help me. In fact, yesterday every criticism that came to mind I tried to replace with a positive spin and I felt .... happy So funny how its true about thinking our own inner voice is objective. I've only come to the realization this is far from the truth. Thanks for your post hyper.