Using suicide as a backup.

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I've been depressed for so long I've accepted that it isn't going away. Can get up in the morning, can barely do anything else. I can't get work, I've been applying to jobs for ages but I always get turned down. I literally couldn't get a single class for the winter session, I registered the very second that my registration date began and every class from horticulture to chemistry was full. Couldn't even get a waitlist. And last semester I only had two unnecessary classes, credit fodder and not very good credit fodder at that. Last final is tomorrow, and I'm fairly well screwed. 50% chance I get a C+, 50% I completely flop. At least in the other I did fairly well.
My mental state hasn't ever been very solid, at least since I was a kid, but the more time I spend alone the worse it gets. I spend 90% of my time alone, can't be bothered with people. I don't like them, they disgust me, have a bit of inferiority complex and superiority complex going on at once.
Worse it gets, the more weird stuff happens. Always hearing someone screaming my name, I get paranoid, when i pick up a knife get awful visions of myself stabbing my dog to death so I have to hold knives by the blade and position them facing away. Sometimes I don't know if what I'm experiencing is real, so I wait until I'm sure before I touch the cutlery.

I'm not afraid to die, really, and I'm not too concerned with what comes after. It's an option that'll stay on the table until I see how things turn out.

Sound like you're going through a very rough time. Happens to the best and worst of us. The more time alone you spend, it will continue to get worse. People can give you advice, but it's on you to follow through with it. See, I don't like being around people either, I'm really self-conscious, I feel like people are always staring at me and judging me, sometime it gets so bad I throw up. So I force myself to go out. I like movies a lot, they relax me, they are a treat. So I force myself to take transit (Though I do go at times when it's less busy), I get my movie ticket an hour early, and I force myself to just walk around the mall with other people. I hold doors for people, smile at them, say hello, and it slowly gets easier, like I've been doing this depression anxiety thing for 16 years, and I'm only 25, and it's only gotten easier recently.

This mental illness stuff, it's a b***h, and a real conniving one at that, but it can be tamed to the point that you can function, you can go to work, and do some stuff you like outside of the house. My movie trick works for some people, others it doesn't so maybe come up with some stuff that places you in a social situation. Maybe take a class, or join a therapy group. I hated being in therapy groups, made me feel like I was wrong and inferior, but they always helped oddly. I just want to say, it's one thing to not be afraid to die, it's another to go through with it. Suicide should never be an option, and I don't mean that from the whole "You can't go to heaven if you kill yourself" s**t, I mean it in the sense of, stuff suck right now, but you could miss some really great stuff in the future if you aren't around, and also, someone will ALWAYS miss you, and they will be really destroyed if you commit suicide, it's the plain truth.

For now, post on the forums, post about stuff you like, talk to people on here, even just chat, doesn't have to be advice. Use WP as your support group to help you overcome this, that's an option worth taking

OP:

Have you considered going to a hospital? You really should give drastic measures to get help at least one more try and take time to let changes happen in your life before you kill yourself.