Hit an all time low. Ashamed of myself.

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I was at a bar/restaurant/club type of place with my friend tonight, and on the way out this drunk girl started dancing with my friend, then the next song danced with me...it was her birthday and she was very nice despite being drunk. So after a while, I poke under her breast with one of my hands...and obviously she's like "what are you doing?" and her mother and mother's boyfriend were there with her and the boyfriend said "If he does that again his head's going to be in a box."

So my friend goes back in there to get his jacket and explained that both of us are on meds (he didn't mention the aspergers) and that I'd had too much to drink (I wasn't even buzzed) and didn't realize what I was doing, that I just meant to poke her and missed. So I go in there to get him and apologize to all of them and they say it's ok.

I know I'm lucky I dodged a bullet...but what I'm more concerned with is, I don't even know who I am anymore. Groping random vulnerable drunk girls? She was nice too...it was her birthday and she wished me a merry christmas and everything...and I go and do that.

Being horny doesn't excuse it. I just don't even know what to make of myself.

I've been having dreams the past year of just making out with/touching random women (not without consent)...the women are into it too in the dreams....but it's like, what kind of person have i become.

I usually don't go to places like this. And when I do go out on dates (it's been about a year now since my last one) they can usually sense something's up beyond just social anxiety and I tell them about the aspergers if the first date is successful and they want a second one. I don't drive anyway, so it's usually easy to just explain them both in one thing "Oh I don't drive, and act the way I do because I have aspergers" and usually if the girl enjoyed the first date she doesn't judge for either.

I'm not using the aspergers as an excuse for this. I saw her boobs, and decided I wanted to touch them. Granted it was just an underhand poke and not a full out grab...but it was very out of character for me.

Lord, if you're up there, I've suffered enough. Please take me. Sure, my parents and brother would be upset, but they'd no longer have to worry about me. I wasn't built for this thing called life. I'm a mistake. Please do what you can do to end it.

I will just stay away from women from now on. I severely misread a bartender's interest (or lack thereof) in me, which is why I went to the bar in the first place.

Looks have nothing to do with it. As aspie males, we give off a certain vibe. NTs, especially NT females, can smell it a mile away that something is wrong or different. I saw all sorts of women giving me funny looks all night.

I don't think you should beat yourself up too hard over this, everyone sometimes does stupid things without thinking....and hey its not like you had any sick intentions at least that is not what it seemed from what you described. As for the dreams or whatever, they are just dreams and a lot of times what happens in a dream has to do with how you feel and stuff it does not nessisarly reflect how you would actually behave in a situation.

don't know if any of that helps.....and I know it can be hard not to feel bad when you feel you've messed up, I mean usually I will be upset about something I feel I did wrong for days afterwards until I realise the best thing to do is probably just let it go and realize everyone makes mistakes.

I really dont think you should feel that bad about it, Ive had my boobs squeezed lots of times when Ive been in night clubs, I dont think its that big a deal. Its not something women like though (just as you would probably not want your genitals squeezed/poked) so try not to do it if you want to 'pull' the girl.

Dont try and stay away from women though as your uncomfortable enough around them and this hinders your dating chances, you want to hang about them lots and get comfi with them and view them as normal. Then you will be more relaxed on dates and behave more normally and stand a much better chance.

You need to keep trying dating till you find someone, as then you can have sex all the time and sex wont be such an issue for you, you will have intimacy and affection and love and feel much better about yourself.

You can find someone and have a lot to offer, your handsome and interesting and while you may have aspergers, lots of aspies do get lovers and partners so you shouldnt let it hold you back. Ive met lots of women who have a partner who doesnt work and I think now we are all in a recession more and more men wont be working (and will live with parents) and it will be less of a problem.

Thanks for the kind words everyone. I guess I feel so guilty because as drunk as she was, she was really nice, telling us it was her birthday and wishing us a merry xmas. She was almost like "hey!" when I did that. I could tell it affected her, which in turn made me feel like crap.

Don't beat yourself up over it; sometimes things seem so natural, but then you remember the other person's boundaries. Chalk it up to another lesson learned and keep trying.

I'm surprised... surprised that she found your behavior objectionable. Even more surprised that she complained and got others involved.

People go there to get drunk and engage in sexy dancing (grinding and groping really) and even (hopefully) take someone home that evening. What else are night clubs for?!

Don't worry about it.

This wasn't a nightclub...a bar with a dancefloor (nightclub like atmosphere but still) and she said she had a boyfriend but was happy to dance with me. (I wonder how her bf would feel about the way she was dancing with me and my friend, but that's another story.)