Feeling empty.

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Time to vent at 5 in the morning, So yeah I feel empty inside, and it kinda sucks. The misery never seems to end, and all I can seem to focus on is how boring my life is and how I should be doing something other than what I've been doing. So what if college did not work out, I should be glad I finally realised it was getting me nowhere and quit going......but now I am not quite sure if I have any chance of getting a job, or getting on SSI or just making a living in general. It seems like nothing I am intrested in is really going to help......I mean I really like music and would love to figure out how to get involved with concerts and stuff like that but I have no idea how you get a job having anything to do with music and concerts. Not having a clue how to do something or who to even talk to in order to find out more is usually a big motivation killer for me.


I won't go into too much detail......but one can only stand the emptyness for so long before they start looking to fill the void, so from this point forward I imagine however I choose to fill this void will determine much about my survival rate.

Music is a difficult career to get into and it's more of a case of who you know. I guess you could always try getting a sound technician job or asking around your local music stores if they need anyone, maybe even ask your local radio stations if they need any help. Perhaps you could help out in local charity shops or volunteering activities, they can sometimes give you the push to get into a good work habit and you could also meet other people who are willing to help you.

Also perhaps you could work in a club or bar of your selected genre of music, if you like Rock music, work in a bar where bands play, that way you would be able to get to know people and bands that also want to work in that industry.

Yeah I figured it was one of those things that's nearly impossible to get into........but I guess I could inquire at some of the venues as to how one would get a job at one or whatever, that would be a start. But yeah I by no means want to contribute to any overcommercialized garbage so preferably I would want to somehow get involved with metal, psychedelic rock and some industrial/electronic type stuff. other then that I am still planning on applying at all the smoke shops in my area.......may as well and other then that my dad could hook me up with some painting/construction stuff but I am not sure that's the best thing for me to get into.

I totally understand how you feel. It's the worst feeling in the world. Not knowing what's going to happen next is the hardest part of the situation. =(

Well I feel more like the emptiness itself is the hardest part of this situation...not to mention the most dangerous part. There is no garantee I can avoid ending up in a simular situation as the one I did last time I felt this way. It all starts with feeling a little empty, and then the void must be filled and once I try to do that its very easy to lose control. Last time I was probably lucky I got out of the situation I ended up in......but luck only gets one so far so I can't rely on it.

But the weird part is I am so empty feeling I can't really say I give a damn about where I end up anymore, but I probably should.

Yeah, I too have put myself in sticky situations like that...but that's just how they end up happening when you're feeling that way. Trying to fill that void emptiness is just so hard. It can be unbearable at times.

Yeah, I guess its not quite possible to fill a void.....as voids have a way of going on forever. Though when you cannot feel the void, its a bit more bearable.

yeah, that's usually how it tends to happen. Ugh. It just sucks trying to fill that empty space with something that's simply not there.

I usually end up just trying to fill it with the wrong things(well maybe the right things and just not enough of them, not sure anymore)......or doing what i can to just simply become unaware of it.

On the bright or dark side depending on where this leads me I have become quite bored with alcohol.

Yes, I will agree that alcohol can indeed get boring after awhile, which makes living life a lot harder, because it makes you feel so much better when you're intoxicated. And then I suppose it's just a matter of what you're going to do next.

Well I would say I am more than willing to stop drinking and just stick to the cannabis which is safer anyways........but something tells me that's not quite true. More likely I will continue both of those, but less drinking because it's become so boring the potential discomfort associated with drinking(vomiting, nausea, hang over headache ect.) just isn't worth it. Maybe more cannabis because of the ridiculous tolerance I've developed.

I smoke cannabis too, it really does help, and is better than drinking. Lol the worst thing that can happen is that you get sleepy sometimes...and what's the harm in that right?

Yeah it certainly seems to help......it just kinda disturbs me when I start feeling like I need to find something stronger, that just feels like one of those bad signs that can't be pointing to anything good. At the same time though its not like I haven't done a lot of experimentation in the past so its not like I'm some innocent person who innocently started drinking & smoking cannabis with no intention of ever doing anything else. But I guess its natural to be rather concerned with where that could lead me, it does not go to well with the emptyness though because how am I supposed to do anything based on such concern if I'm too empty to care?

and maybe I am overanalizing all this a bit too much.

Hey, s**t happens when you're upset. There's not a whole lot you can do about it either, emotions will do what emotions do best. Don't worry about it. =D

I did not feel there was a need to start a new topic for this, but I am feeling quite depressed.......and its one of those days no one seems to give a damn at all........not that i've told anyone how I feel.