No reason to live anymore
18 Dec 2011, 12:46 am
I'm not suicidal or anything but I got serious issues...it's come to the point that I am wishing for sickness or paralysis so that I don't have another day of constant yelling.
I don't know if I can take it anymore, my mother is relentless...I just finished my first semester at college, full-time I might add, so I didn't work (but hoping I got the job I put in for at the school for next semester). Now since I was home for a month, I was going to look for a little job but I don't know if anyone would hire me for just a month because I can't go to school full-time and work, it's just too much for me too handle.
Anyway I was informed that I needed to get my molars out over my month break and my mom said not to worry cause no one will hire me, yet she complains about me not having a job. So everyday I hear how I'm a loser, ret*d, and have a mental issue, and it gets worse and worse.
Basically anything that I do that is wrong or whatever makes her go nuts...for example, I spilled a glass of soda the other day, that turned into a 20 minute yelling match.
Yesterday her friend had an operation and we were going to see her, but she wouldn't let me come because I didn't shave...might I add that I just shaved 2 days prior to that. Then she said I can come but "I'm going to embarrass you."
Who the f*ck says that...the problem with her is that she has high-class friends that are rich and their kids are successful...she listens to her one friend who is a egomaniac and she wants me to compare to her kids.
It's been this way since I had the balls to say I didn't want to wear Polo or A-Fitch shirts, around my 15th birthday. If I don't shave every 2 days I get yelled at and it's ridiculous.
Then came today. Everyone here by now should know my girl troubles, because I mention it every post. Well this has happened before but I had grown tired of it.
Now I have no problem with homosexuals at all but I am simply not one...I had a couple friends coming over today to watch the football game and I was talking to my mom before she went to the casino (her escape from us.) Anyway I had asked for a few bucks because we were gonna split a pizza and she started flipping out again. Talks about the job crap, mentioning how my 2 friends were better then me, and then saying how I can't even find a girl to hang out with. Then she mentioned another kid we know who is mentally handicapped and is living with a girl. Her next line was...
"He's a ret*d and he can even find a girl, you have to be gay. Right! Right!."
She said it half laughing like I was a joke or something...I then took my foot and literally knocked down the bathroom door, off its hinges. I yelled stop it and I turned into "The Animal" again. My dad was speechless because he had grown sick of me and my mom's antics.
After saying "No one is coming over," I said "Fine. Because I'm not staying in this house for another second."
So I left with all my stuff and went to a friend's for the rest of the weekend. I'm just done with this crap, I have this going on and along with it I have the worst of luck with anything I do, I hate who I am and I just want everyone to go away...just to not be bothered for 1 day would be nice.
18 Dec 2011, 1:34 am
Does your mom realize you have Asperger's? It sounds like she either doesn't or refuses to accept and or/learn about it.
Also her tactics are just plain awful. Sorry to your mom, I'm sure she's lovely in many ways but it's not okay for her to treat you like that. She may think that she can "shame" you into being someone you're not but that won't work and should not work. Everyone goes through life at their own pace and in their own way and that's especially true for Aspies. I know how hard it is to get this message across to people though.
18 Dec 2011, 2:13 am
I don't know if I can take it anymore, my mother is relentless...I just finished my first semester at college, full-time I might add, so I didn't work (but hoping I got the job I put in for at the school for next semester). Now since I was home for a month, I was going to look for a little job but I don't know if anyone would hire me for just a month because I can't go to school full-time and work, it's just too much for me too handle.
It's too much for most people to handle.
It sounds to me like she is the one with "mental issues".
Don't engage her when she starts to yell at you. Just walk away.
What's so horrible about not having shaved? Has she not heard of men with facial hair?
It doesn't sound like that any of that class has rubbed off on her.
Then came today. Everyone here by now should know my girl troubles, because I mention it every post. Well this has happened before but I had grown tired of it.
Now I have no problem with homosexuals at all but I am simply not one...I had a couple friends coming over today to watch the football game and I was talking to my mom before she went to the casino (her escape from us.)
Likely her escape from herself.
"He's a ret*d and he can even find a girl, you have to be gay. Right! Right!."
She said it half laughing like I was a joke or something...I then took my foot and literally knocked down the bathroom door, off its hinges. I yelled stop it and I turned into "The Animal" again. My dad was speechless because he had grown sick of me and my mom's antics.
After saying "No one is coming over," I said "Fine. Because I'm not staying in this house for another second."
So I left with all my stuff and went to a friend's for the rest of the weekend. I'm just done with this crap, I have this going on and along with it I have the worst of luck with anything I do, I hate who I am and I just want everyone to go away...just to not be bothered for 1 day would be nice.
I think your mother is emotionally abusive towards you and I don't understand why your father puts up with it. Being that you are probably not in a position to move out at the moment, I would simply avoid your mother. If I were you I wouldn't speak to her and when she starts yelling at you I would simply walk away.
I would try to spend a lot of time out of the house whether it be a job, with friends, at school, or a volunteer activity. In other words, focus on your own life.
The goal is to eventually get yourself into a position where you can move out.
18 Dec 2011, 2:21 am
It may be crucial for you to pursue living independently of your parents i/e working, before furthering your education. Your mom is toxic and if you don't have the self control to simply walk away from her before getting violent; your situation is dire.
Your mother's competition and criticizing do not define you. But, it's too hard to endure yelling to stay around it. I know, I had a violent father and a weak mother. I spent as little time at home as possible; I spent my time working, so I could get independent. I got all the way through college that way. I payed my own way through college and what little I needed from my parents; I really needed. I needed a place to live summers and I slept at their house and worked two jobs; the waitress job ended at 11:30pm so I got home after they were in bed. No yelling no violence no muss no fuss. If my father had bothered me at night, I would have had to quit college; period. I always worked at college break times. (Restaurants & supermarkets give their summer help hours during Christmas breaks.) My pursuit of independence was everything to me. For those of us with toxic parents, that's just how it is.
Don't argue with toxic people, that's a waste of time. Don't expect your mother to be reasonable; she's toxic; OK? You're smart; strategise. The pursuit of independence is plenty to live for. Go for it.
18 Dec 2011, 7:10 am
The goal is to eventually get yourself into a position where you can move out.
I agree with Chronos, your mother has a position of power over you because you are living under her roof and she believes she has the right to criticize and compare you to others. Focus on building your independence until you get to the point you can where move out and onwards with your life.
Even spending time doing a volunteer activity or meeting new people, it will help you meet connections and could potentially lead to a job or a living position with someone else that will be sympathetic or understanding of your situation.
19 Dec 2011, 12:16 am
Thanks for the comments but...
It happened again today, I don't wanna talk about it.
Since it will take some time for me to get out on my own, what can I do to avoid doing something wrong or bad in that time...I already try to get out as much as I can but being dead broke makes it hard to do so...I also still feel like I can't live on my own because I never learned nothing from my parents...My mom has always babied me, whether it is laundry or cooking, etc...Now I know how to do laundry, not so good on cooking but because of that my dad is a lazy idiot that can't even make an appointment on the phone.
So that's what my real problem is...If I had to live by myself, I wouldn't understand how to do stuff like bank accounts, etc...I get yelled at for "common sense" stuff like this but when I make an effort to attempt it I still get yelled at for not knowing how because I'm 20...
I don;t know what to do anymore, no matter what I do, it's wrong and it results in yelling or verbal abuse.
