bah, humbug

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i am finding the holidays hard to handle. the excitement of gift exchanges and seeing distant family members is getting overtaken by dread and irritation at having my routines all topsy-turvy. it is becoming more and more of an effort to try to muster up enthusiasm. i didn't even do christmas baking this year.

last year was really soon after my mom died so i was still in shock. my (former) husband and child and i created some brand new ways to celebrate christmas and it was really fun. this year it just isn't the same. i could hardly get the energy to shop for stuff so most of it fell on other family members to take care of. i didn't even do christmas baking this year. it is the first time since i was a small child that i did not do any baking (or help with recipes at least).

i had a lot of negatives happening over the last few years and i am feeling less than joyful. i would like to have everything go on as usual with no surprises or changes of any kind. i don't even want to have any holidays from work (we are closed on monday and tuesday so i am at home).

i feel guilty because the people around me are making such an effort to make things happy and special, and i feel like i am a big downer.

is this my age and AS, or is it just depression from life events? do you feel this way at holiday-time?

If you're talking about Christmas, I think that depends on the individual aspie. I am estranged from my family, and have nothing but bad memories of Christmas growing up. For me, happiness is spending Christmas alone; I'm generally miserable in social situations, and Christmas is no exception. It's a time when I'm free to be me, and don't even have to pretend to be someone I'm not.

What I'm getting at is that we all have to learn our strengths and limitations. I'd say do your best always, and find your own bliss when possible.

My last Xmas related experience was in 2009. I had moved house that fall and my parents and sister announced they would visit me. Silly me agreed. I ended up hiding in the woodshed. Both my mother and sister are extremely talkative and were rambling on and on about nothing. My father had brought a portable tv since i don't have one, and he was ranting about the poor reception practically around the clock.

Finally, when they were on their way back home, i sat in my car, crying with relief. And later this evening walked through my house and enjoyed the silence in every single room.

After this horror i made a decision. The only person i exchange gifts with is my sister. All the others receive Xmas cards. No phone calls, no visists, end of announcement. It's not worth the effort.

Though i like the season and to a degree the lights, the holiday itself doesn't have much meaning for me. Therefore, i just refuse to partake in all the hassle. How i feel about any holidays which include family gatherings is, please leave me alone with it. After the aforementioned event it took me at lest four weeks to regain my inner balance.

Christmas is mad. Let everyone else work themselves to the bone in the name of fun.

Would Jesus want you to be stressed out on Christmas?

thanks for sharing your experiences, everyone.

Dunnyveg, that is some good advice. i suppose i would do well to embrace my limitations.i get stuck on trying to do what is expected of me. i was married to someone (that i still live with) who would kind of expect me (reasonably) to put forth a good effort. my effort would often backfire and i would often end up the worse for wear - getting sick with migraines and viruses.

PTSmorrow, your story is a nightmare very similar to what i have experienced. i dunno how many times i cried after a family gathering, just from the stress of it all. one christmas that we stayed with my in-laws, the whole gang (including distant relatives) was waiting to open presents while i was immobilised by panic in the guest bedroom. they waiting for me for about an hour while i stayed motionless in bed. nobody could understand what was going on, and my former husband was very embarrassed.

mv, glad to hear someone out there sticks the landing!! ! i melt down from the smallest things and feel like the whole day is ruined. i cut my finger painfully one year (not serious though i could have used a suture), and started sobbing in the bathroom. someone came looking for me and pooh-poohed my injury, but they didn't understand that the injury was not the point. it was the the final nail in the coffin of my failed celebration. nothing else too bad happened, but i couldn't handle the little things. i like the idea of lying to people about my plans, hmmmm.

Hyperlexian, the whole thing is insane. We take what should be a quiet, happy time and create a morass of ridiculous expectations and wants all based around a mythic perfect holiday with family. I bowed out of the gift buying -- except for children -- some years ago. This year I'm having trouble getting myself psyched up for the baking I normally do. I haven't bothered with decorating since my daughter left home. Actually, I kind of miss the tree, but every year it just seems such a hassle at the time that I don't do it. And, honestly, this year there are some family things going on that make me not feel like celebrating much of anything. (The best gift I could get this year would be certain people finally moving out, but I know they can't afford to, yet.)

I know a large part of my scrooginess is related to past events -- my husband also died around this time of year, so I know how badly that can affect a person's experience of the holidays. I've also had some major changes in my own life recently that have left me kind of swinging in the wind. They were all good changes but still, big ones, so that's got me kind of down, too, ironically. (That last one's the one no one can seem to relate to. They say I should only be proud and happy, but I'm very sad that a part of my life has come to an end.) Part of it, though, is just being tired of jumping through hoops for very little reward. The whole season is so stressful -- spiritually, emotionally, financially -- that I can't stand it.

Hyper, if you can live with your ex, you should be giving normal people relationship advice! Most divorcees I've known can't stand to look at their ex, much less live with that person.

Seriously, it sounds to me as if those who inhabit your home need to understand you. You can always throw something together in the next couple of days, or buy things from a bakery.

Boxing Day is not a statutory holiday, but i work for the federal government so we get the day off, paid for. we actually get the 26th and 27th off because the holidays fall on the weekend. it's ridiculous.

I cannot stand Christmas at home. I was OK when I was a child because I was at school most of the year and always had holidays to look forward to and everybody, including my brother, was happy, and I didn't seem to get affected by any boring atmosphere or get distracted by other people's noise.

My room is downstairs, so when I'm in my room I can hear everything, and I just get so distracted to any noise that I can't read or type or do anything else like that properly. And everybody's off from work in my house so we're all cooped up in the house together with the heating on (although it's mild this Christmas so hopefully we don't need to have the heating blarring on all day).

But the trouble is, if we stopped celebrating Christmas, the Christmas period would be even more boring and depressing, and we would have all those days off for nothing. I suppose Christmas gives me something to focus on and to give me a break from my anxieties and depression on other things.

That is why I enjoy the spring. Christmas and winter is all over by then.