Still Grieving after all this time

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Brief background: growing up, my grandmother was my rock. Anything good about me, she is the one to thank for teaching me. Most of the joy of my young life was her doing.

Sadly, she died just after I met the woman who I would later marry. My wife's first encounter with my grandmother was when she was on her deathbed in her home. If it wasn't for my wife, I don't think I could have gotten through it.

I still haven't fully recovered from that loss. The weight of it still hits me like a physical blow every now and again. This weekend, it has hit me even harder. A family gathering had me staying at her home(where my grandfather still lives), and a brief visit to her grave. I thought maybe being there would help me feel closer to her somehow. Instead, it reminded me of how beyond me she is now.

What frustrates me are all the anecdotes I've heard over the years about people saying they can feel a departed loved one watching over them, or have had dreams or waking visions of seeing that departed loved one that have helped them move on.

However desperately I would like to, I have never experienced any of those things. I have so many happy memories of her, but I don't feel her presence now. Rather, it's her absence that i often feel overwhelmingly. I don't care if people who have experienced such are genuinely feeling something spiritual or they are just deceiving themselves. I don't really care. I just wish I could feel what they have felt.

Well actually, I'd much rather a chance to have one more conversation with her, but I'd settle for a dream, a hunch, a sensation. Anything.

I just miss her so much.

It's tough to lose a family member or an icon. I'm also still grieving a loss as well.

sorry you're going through that
i think grieving is one of those things that just takes time and doesn't really have a miracle cure to speed it along. someone to support you like your wife and lots of good memories are all good things to have though. hope you're feeling a bit better today(:

when I lost my father I was heartbroken for years. You must remember how deeply she loved you and live your life in a way that would make her smile.

Grief sucks.

I don't think I'm ever going to get over losing my dad, either. I've had all the dreams and visions and all that stuff-- doesn't help. Makes no difference. It might if I weren't constantly asking myself if it's really him or just wishful thinking.

Since we don't do empathy, have a cup of sympathy.

Grief sucks.

there's no timetable for grief, and i dunno if anyone is ever totally "over it". there are some people who i still miss many years after they died.

a very close friend of mine has a small box of his grandmother's silk scarves. she wore them many times and they absorbed her scent, including her distinctive perfume. sometimes he will take one out of the box and smell it to remember her. i have a lock of hair that i got from each of my parents (and a tuft of fur from my dog that died). do you have something tangible to remind you of your grandmother?