I think my mom is hiding my diagnosis

Post Reply New Topic

This is the brief version:

After a lifetime of social issues and memory problems, my parents decided to take me to a psychologist when as a teenager. He had me take an IQ test and a memory test, and spent some time talking to me. He didn't tell me the precise results of the testing, but he said I had a very high verbal IQ, a terrible working memory, and a very low social IQ. I also did poorly on a facial recognition test. He told me I needed to work on eye contact and I needed to learn to think more flexibly. He talked to my parents without me in the room; after that I never saw him again. We never followed through, and I never received any kind of treatment. Ever since then, my mom has expressed an obvious dislike for psychologists. She thinks the whole profession is a bit hokey, because she believes that everything can be solved with yelling and whipping. However, I remember seeing mail addressed to my dad from an autism charity. The letter was to thank him for making a contribution. I thought it odd, because at the time we didn't know anyone with autism, and he's not the type of person to just randomly pick an arbitrary charity. Usually people donate to charities when they have a specific personal connection.

When I started to go to college, I took some initiative and went to a therapist. I eventually obtained a diagnosis and I started working on rehabilitating myself. We all know that Asperger's plus child abuse is a bad combination--nothing new there. After about a year in therapy, I decided to tell my mom about my diagnosis, and she responded as if she already knew. I could not read any sign of surprise in her face or her tone of voice. I decided to ask her how long she knew about my diagnosis. She claimed that she didn't know anything until I told her. However, I pride myself on my ability to pick up little auditory details, and her voice fluctuated in pitch quite a bit when she replied. I know that's how people sound when they lie.

So to summarize, my mom's reaction plus my dad's choice of charities plus the psychologist's evaluation makes me think that the psychologist had suggested to my parents that I might be on the spectrum. My mom chose to deny it and refused to get psychological treatment. It's no surprise, because denial is a pattern in my family. My uncle is schizophrenic, and no one helped him either. He continues to struggle--he self-medicates with alcohol. In my family, all behavioral problems are addressed by beating and yelling.

I'm angry. I want to convince myself that all that is in the past, and no amount of exasperation is going to help me, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm pissed. I spent a good part of my college life and a good deal of money working through issues that I could've addressed earlier, if only my parents had followed through on my diagnosis and treatment. I'm 24 now, and the one thing I've managed to rectify is my social life. I have a small group of close friends who care about me and understand my condition. Two of them have a Master's degree in psychology--so they are a significant help. However, my mom continues to show total lack of empathy. I wish it's something I can change, but I have no control over what she thinks. It's frustrating. I really want to believe that my mom is a good person.

You're an adult now, so you do not need to concern yourself with your parents' dirty little secrets. Go out and get yourself evaluated. Then, when your mother asks what you talk about in therapy, you can tell her "It's you". Maybe that'll guilt-trip her into revealing what that first psychologist had to say about you.

Maybe not ...

Been there done that. I have a diagnosis of my own, which I told her about. I also told her that I talk about her in therapy. I told her she can complain about me when she decides to get therapy for herself.

Well, then ... the problem is hers, not yours.

As an adult, you have the right to get a copy of any and all of your medical records. You can request a copy of the records from that psychologist.

This would be the best way for you to know for sure - get a copy (or at least get access to view) your medical records.