Failure and humiliation

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I am 27 years old and have not done much of nothing with my life. Today I tried to change that.
Today I started culinary school with the hope of an optimist but things didn't go as planed. So much for being an optimist.
We began with a lecture and everything seemed to be working out fantastic . When we stepped into the kitchen everything started going wrong.

The instructor gave instructions and I thought that I understood everything. then he just threw us into the shark tank.
The kitchen was very big and I could not find anything. Everyone else seemed to have no trouble.
the hours past and the class ended. The problem was that I did not complete my dish and everyone else did.
The instructor was very understand and told me not to get discouraged. I was very discouraged and felt like a failure.

I dropped some vegetables and put a dish in the wrong sink. Some people were annoyed by my lack of common sense.
Perhaps next class I wont be as anxious and be able to find everything. I don't know why I thought I could train to be a chef.
I didn't realize that it involves communication and social skills and a positive attitude. Now I am stuck and If I quit I will have to pay the federal government back for the grant.
I did learn more than I have ever dreamed of about food. NTs seem to have life so easy and I wish I were one of them.

I am thinking about making my disability known at the school so that I can get assistance. I hate when people know about the aspergers because I don't want sympathy from anyone.
Theres always hope for tomorrow. I just wish I wasn't so ADD,AS and anxious.

ah first days are usually shaky, don't worry. once you get used to the place and into a bit of a routine you will probably relax a little and be able to focus more on just the cooking. instead of being distracted by the new scary surroundings and people like you probably were today

I've always wanted to go to culinary school but I thought it was really expensive, I didn't know there were grants for it. Anyway if I were you I'd tell them; only the instructors really would have to know, not the other students, right? Even in a pottery class a couple years ago (which requires not much neurotypicality at all) I was so nervous and shy and overwhelmed by EVERYTHING, including the fact we had to stand there for four hours straight with the expectation of making conversation with strangers, I ended up doing the opposite of a good job in the class, I mean there's some leeway in how to make a pot but I did not stay within it and ended up with a nonfunctional falling-apart lump for the first project and quit the class. It was a college class and I was trying to ease back into the real world but no luck. Anyway the instructor was not aware of the origin of my nervous wreckage and I think it would have made me feel a lot less pressured.

Okay, two examples,

a priest for doing a religious ritual like communion knows where everything is and can then concentrate on the ritual,

and a physician knows where everything is and can then concentrate on the situation the patient presents.

It's like two sides of the coin, yes, we are probably more easily distracted, more easily frazzled, but the other side of the coin is that we can bring more concentration to tasks and activities.

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This previous semester, I tried talking to a literature teacher about me being on the spectrum because I often struggle with the formal style they expect papers to be written in. It did not go particularly well.

Maybe if I had given her a letter to read. Like one side of one piece of paper. Or even one half of one side. Brevity is good.

Unfortunately, being a chef does involve a certain amount of teamwork and it also requires working under situations of high pressure so perhaps it isn't the right career path for you. Some people take several years or courses before finding the right career path for them so don't give up hope yet.

Hmmm seems like it went ok, all except for how you where feeling.....it seems like you're sort of overanalizing the negatives, which I by the way do all the time so I'm not judging. So yeah look at it this way, you went to your class and learned a lot and the teacher was even understanding about the fact you where having difficulties. Not like you failed and should be humiliated about it at least that is my advice.

I'm 19 and I haven't started college technically. (did and was kicked out) I don't have a job, I live at home...and my only relationship was mostly online and ended pretty shortly and harshly.

Pretty much the only noteworthy things I have done are running related. Too bad I am out of shape and I won't be accomplishing anything with that anytime soon.

That really sucks about the kitchen.
Did you end up asking the teacher about things?
I find that some teachers are sympathetic if you talk to them on the side.
Some may ask if you have an IEP, but some are nice. It's up to you to find put.

Thanks for all of the advice. Today actually went much better than yesterday and the team work probably wont be a big problem.
I have met some possible friends and socialized more than I have in years. It turns out my problem yesterday was mostly anxiety.

I am getting to know the kitchen better and have been asking questions. I am sure everyone thinks I am really weird but could never tell that I had a disability of any kind.
There is hope for the future in this class.

Woot! You should alter the title and put 'Perceived' on the front

I've worked in a few professional kitchens over the years, and if I've learned one thing it's that chefs are crazy. In other words, don't worry about coming off as weird, people finding it charming and eccentric.