So sick of it all

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Hi I'm new and I dont really know where else to go to say what i need to say.

I'm sick of everything, everything in my life has gone wrong from the very start, I was physically and verbally abused as a child, I was always different, I then left home and then real problems started, money troubles, our wedding was terrible and evverything went wrong, our honeymoon also went wrong, my pregnancy ended badly and i had post natal depression, everything i think of has gone wrong in someway or another, and not just normal wrong but strange and really unlucky wrong. I was sectioned due to bipolar disorder and going high on an anti depressant, I then started seeing a cpn who has been great and has helped me and realised I have aspergers and it's really helped but i just tihnk im past the point of help now.

I'm fed up with fighthing and struggling all the time and things going wrong, and not fitting in and feelin comfortable and people, god i hate people, everyone around me is stupid and demanding and annoying and depresssing and so difficult. i fight to seem normal and manage to work as well as look after my daughter but im never happy and i cant change my life because i have no idea what im supposed to do or where to start, im terrified of starting a degree course because the course work will kill me, i have the asnwers but cant get them out.

Life is truely crap and i know it wont get better,, no one lets you say that though, people are like well thats how you feel now, you wont feel that bad on a good day but really everyday is crap, im always going to have aspergers and i hate it, i thought it was great because it explains everything but its still unbelievably crap and its ruining my life.

i wish i could actually kill myself but some pathetic part of me stops me, like im too scared to do it. it's so frustrating

anyway thanks for reading if you did, sorry for being so negative but i feel terrible right now

Don't feel so bad, life might not always go your way but you should keep on trying. I didn't know I had AS until last year and I've had my moments. I'm currently with a therapist who specializes in AS and I believe it's getting me on the right track.

You have a daughter, you don't want her to think that you gave up on yourself. She has her life ahead of her, I don't know if she has AS like you do but just know that she looks up to you when she is in trouble. I know people can be rude out there, I've been down that road before but being on WP I think is a good start for you to meet others like yourself who are going through the same things as you.

Good luck to you.

thanks for your replies, i just dont know where to start and how to get my head in gear, i find it hard to understand how you make changes, what do you just walk out the door and drive somewhere? i have no idea how

I think that a lot of us have been at that ultimate low point in our lives at one time or another. It seems as if it will last forever and that there is no way out. Too, I have the impression that this often occurs during our twenties. Some unfortunate souls succumb to this situation and do succeed in ending it all by taking their own lives, however there are many others who do manage to find their way out of this dark night of the soul. So here are a few random comments that might help.

You can get beyond a lot of this. Some of us have and so can you. Don't ever forget that!! You have the advantage of having all of us here on WP to help you. A lot of us older folk never had that advantage. Remember, you now have the responsibility of raising your daughter and she needs you very much, so it is important for you to get it together for her, if nothing else. You do NOT have the luxury of suicide. Sorry, but you don't have any choice here. You need to live for her sake. She needs her mother - you. Perhaps might find some way to get some alone time every day. That often helps in the unwinding from the day's pressures. Ever thought about taking up meditation? This could really help a lot in de-stressing yourself.

I know what it is to fight and struggle for your whole life and to often fail. Work is hard and so is school. You might think of starting out at a junior college and perhaps taking only 1-2 courses. I went to night classes for a bit and that really helped me a lot. Starting slowly gives you a chance to concentrate on just 1-2 subjects. You can learn how to do homework and how to study in a way that works for you. Actually, these things can be taught, but the trick is to find out what works best for you. (I have often thought about writing a book on this. I actually have the outline done.) And as for working, it helps if you can find a job where the work environment is conducive to our aspie traits. Here again, I found that working nights really helped me. It's quieter and there are less people you have to interact with.

Yes, there can be some light at the end of the tunnel that is not the train. Yes, it is not quick and easy. Maybe you could make two lists, one enumerates what the present issues are and the other identifies what you would like to accomplish long term, say five years from now. Then try to create a plan to address each of these things. Above all, don't be shy about seeking help!