Sick of this.

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I am so sick of over-analazing things so much I don't just go out an live. So what if my sister and cousin haven't been talking to me a whole lot, who cares what they or my mom or anyone else in my family would think of the relationship I am pursuing and probably about to ruin if I don't let my wall down. Seriously, its like a mental prison and I want to be done with it.

Who the hell cares if I drink more than most people, if its not a problem for me I should not beat myself up over it.......I mean so what I like to drink, nothing to be ashamed of. I just need to quit comparing myself to the rest of a society I don't even agree with and then feeling bad when I don't live up to its expectations.......I don't like it anyways so why should I care if I can't live up to it?

Im sick of always holding back....so I feel like I should just do what I want to do and quit worrying so much about what anyone might think, hell if things get worse they get worse but there are some good times in life and I would like to enjoy them. So I'm done with it...maybe I need professional help but why bother might as well have some fun before trying to fix the mess that is my brain.

Be careful that you don't start to under-think things instead of over-thinking them, and end up causing more problems for yourself.

If you want to let go a bit and have some fun, then do it but draw lines for yourself.

I already have enough problems from myself, but I am sick of always letting that get in the way...I guess i would rather have more problems and get more enjoyment out of things then avoid things to avoid the chance of it causing more problems.

That's a self defeating cycle.
I'm not saying never try and change your situation, but don't things with no thought in to them whatsoever. That gets people killed.

Well it would be impossible for me to do anything with no thought involved....I'm more talking about over-thinking though. Like endless worrying about things does not really help anything and actually gets in the way of me enjoying myself so I just want to try and overcome that.

I guess it's getting to the point I feel I don't really have much to lose, so its either suicide or try and find some sort of reason to continue.

True. I tend to over think everything as well, and my way of controlling it is to not give myself much time to think about it. If I want to go drinking with a friend, I ask them the night before, no earlier. Usually as late at night as I can. I don't think about it before hand either, I just ask if they want to go out and have a few. It works for almost anything that you can set up yourself, just do it before you have time to over-analyse it.

If I'm not being much help, I'm sorry, I'm not the best at explaining things like this.

It's all good I just kinda needed to vent,

Fair enough

I kinda still wish I did feel I had something to lose, but at the moment that's not how I feel...I mean I'm already at the bottom of society so who cares I'm probably just part of the freaking problem anyways.

LIfe is pain....and slow suicide.

I get what you're saying and I love your rant. I wish I didn't constantly analyze people's possible responses to me. I don't want to care anymore. I've spent so much time trying to conform to neurotypical behavior that I think it's killing me.

I can't decide if its the worrying about what everyone else thinks and then being afraid to just live life...that will be the death of me, or the ways in which I try to care less such as drinking will be the death of me.

It's the constant feeling of alienation that gets me. I get so frustrated and angry with myself. Whatever I do or where ever I go I'm still stuck in this defective mind.
I tell myself that trying is the most important thing, but I know I can never get to a point where I won't be angry with myself.

Life for some can be like one long pendulum swing from one extreme to another before you find middle ground on which you are at least somewhat comfortable in your own skin.

I went very slowly from almost totally introverted to totally extroverted. I did it to such an extreme I dare say I became something of an a**hole for a while. The thing is, looking back I don't regret doing it. I may regret a few incidents here and there, but it was a process I now recognize I had to go through. It's damned tricky figuring out how to be yourself, comfortable with yourself, not overly concerned with what others think about me, AND not be an a**hole about it.

It takes practice. The only way to can get it is keep pushing the envelope until you figure out where it rips and where it doesn't.

Last edited by MrXxx on 31 Jan 2012, 5:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I wish I could choose not to think about crap that gets me down. It's not like I have a choice when I'm already not feeling the greatest and can't find anything particularly enjoyable to do or think about. Lately I've been feeling like my life is going by too fast and I'm missing out on everything. That and my hair is falling out and I don't know if I should just shave it all off. That and I had a nightmare about my fingers rotting / having to be amputated, and my teeth falling out last night.

Yea, I really don't know what else to say. I think trying not to care what other people think is a good idea, that is if it's even possible to accomplish such a mental feat.