WTF?

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So I thought I'd ACTUALLY found someone interesting, someone who was interested in me. On OKC, a woman was checking my profile, and messaged me. I didn't message her. AWESOME! We start writing back and forth, and the other day she suggests we chat on the phone sometime. I say, "Whatever you're comfortable with. I just don't want you feeling pressured to give out any personal info" She was cool with it and gave me her number.

We agreed on a time, and I called at that time, which was Sunday around 7:30-8:00. I called, and got her voice mail. No prob, left a message. She doesn't call back.

So today, I get a message from her, which is printed her verbatim:

"I just met someone today that I'd like to see again. Who knows if it will go somewhere or not, but I don't feel comfortable emailing others at this point."

What the holy living Jesus Christ on the cross f**k does that mean?

She just happens to find someone else that day? Someone so f*****g great she doesn't want to message me anymore?

Or is she lying for some reason. Got jitters, second thoughts? I'm tending toward the latter.

But seriously.

What. The. Hell? What do I have to do to get someone interested in me? Is all that I am simply the lesser half of a greater-than, less than equation? People see me, and think, "They can do better?"

How have we come this far? How did people get so f****d up in their minds that this is what dating has become? Seriously, the people who arrange marriages might be on to something, because this system, this dating game is f*****g BS on every conceivable level. And she was older than me by a few years (I'm not self conscious about dating age gaps). At what point are people supposed to get their s**t together?

If this guy exists, f**k him for ruining my chances with this woman.

If the woman is a liar, f**k her for being a liar and a coward.

Some of you will no doubt say, "She's probably nuts, you're better off avoiding her."

Screw that. At this point, I'd be HAPPY to have a failed relationship with a psycho b***h. Because it'd mean I'm capable of having one. Instead, 28 years old, my 28th valentines, and never had a girlfriend yet.

I'm seriously, seriously wondering if all the good ones are taken (they all sure seem to be), and all the rest are either stuck up b*****s, or they're crazy psych cases, or they so thoroughly wallow in a morass of body fat, junk food and self pity they barely resemble homo sapiens.

How can this be? I've got so much love to give someone. I know it. I feel it. What is so wrong, so hard about finding someone who wants to be with me as much as I do with them, who wants to go for walks, cuddle up in the evenings, and just talk? Why is that so crazy? How can I have gone so long without anyone, while everyone around me seems to be pairing up and enjoying happy lives?

God dammit. God dammit.

hey man i know whear your comring from. i wont date if i dont have the money to pay for her and you know what ive had on women that i liked that liked me my entire life.

So I wrote two replies. The first is the one I should write. The nice guy response. The Tool response.

Well I'm very happy for you. I only regret we won't get a chance to chat on the phone.

Best of luck!

BR

But here's the one I WANT to send. I'm sick of being f****d around with, and dammit, I want to tear that witch a new one!

So the same day we're supposed to chat on the phone, you supposedly meet prince charming, and already you two are so much of an item you want to break off all contact with me? Wow, excuse me for a moment while I stop my head from spinning. I'd expect this from a nineteen year old. Not a thirty-three year old. God, I was more mature than that when I was fifteen. Grow up why don't you, unless you want to live the rest of your life as a weird cat (or dog) lady.

In our chats, you said you were too shy to swim in a pool, and that you Mom got you as a gift an account with eHarmony. (Your mom? How sad is that?). I should've known better. You sound like a scared little girl who's afraid of being rejected. I think you're shy, bordering on avoidant personality disorder. And I think you're a pathological liar. I think you're LYING about this guy, because you are too scared that relationship might actually happen. I think you're a coward, which is fine, except when others get hurt by your cowardice. Didn't you think I might be hurt when you didn't return my call, and then I get that wonderful message saying you want to break off all contact? Shame on you.

I think you sabotaged this because it got too real too quickly, and you had to retain control, so you came up with this birdbrain excuse. Well you got your way. Potential relationship sabotaged. Your bubble remains unpunctured. I could've perhaps been a good fit for you, but we'll never know. Do every guy on OKC a favor and quit. Leave OKCupid until you're REALLY ready to date. Quit wasting people's time.

Happy Valentines Day Alone!

maybe she did just meet someone and is being decent and giving him a proper try instead of 'keeping her options open' like most mongos do. You only chatted online it's not like she ditched you midway through a relationship, you need to chill.
you're the one being a psycho b***h

The b***h sure as s**t was keeping her options open with me. She was so eager and wanted to talk and then she "meets someone" and then oh she suddenly exclusive, and I get dropped like a bad habit. f**k her.

I did the same thing, at least she messaged you. I just removed my account once I met somebody.

I'd rather go to prison than signing up on okcupid.

i don't really get what the problem is. the woman wasn't exclusively talking to one person, OP. she was talking to 2 or more men and she liked someone else more than you. i know it doesn't feel good when that happens, but she didn't behave badly here, with the exception that she shouldn't have stood you up for the phone conversation.

there isn't any sort of "good point" to reject someone. i don't see how it would have been better if she had waited until after a phone conversation to do it, though it would have been more polite to let you know before the phone call was supposed to happen. i don't think she's nuts at all, though.

She's being straight with you rather than leading you on. You're not entitled to exclusive attention from this person or anyone else on a dating site--hell, you're not entitled to attention, period. Keep doing what you're doing and this might work out for you (there are never any guarantees, but a good attitude will go a long way).

She may very well have met someone who fits the idea of what she is looking for, and he may have asked her out. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush you know. If she met a guy that she's interested in and he asked her out, you have to understand that a face to face meeting and prospective date carries more weight than an online message and a planned phone call. That's a for sure. She's talked to him face to face, interacted with him, he's talked to and interacted with her, they know what each other looks like, it's not something that she's got to investigate like you have to investigate when you meet someone online - ie; how does he sound on the phone, is he a good conversationalist, do we hit it off talking? Then it's the meeting and it's checking each other out - how does he look, how does he act, what kind of a vibe does she get from him, is he charming or funny, etc? All that has been answered in a face to face meeting. So, if it was a face to face meeting, I don't blame her. She may have been doing it because she wanted to be nice and not lead you on. She could easily have talked to you and led you to believe it was going to be something until she knew if the other relationship worked out or not.

Just because you want to go out with someone doesn't mean they owe you the chance to prove to them that you are as good as, or better than, someone else. That applies to everyone. Nobody is obliged to conduct their love life in a way that pleases someone else. You don't owe her, she doesn't owe you. Just because you would have handled it differently does not mean she was bound to do the same.

Good luck in finding someone, in my experience it happens when you aren't trying, and try not to take it things too hard when they don't work out because in my experience they don't work out more often than they do.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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