Living situatuion issues.

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Butterfly
Butterfly

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Joined: 1 Feb 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 17
Location: Rochester, NY

08 Feb 2012, 12:55 pm

I apologize in advance for what might become a long post. Please hear me out!

My current living situation is as follows: I live in a 2-bedroom apartment, which consists of the entire second floor and attic of a formerly single-family house. I have 2 roommates, who are in a relationship together. Of course, there are also my 2 cats, my roommate's cat, his dog, their snakes, tarantula, lizards, fish, frogs, and my hermit crabs. Now that I have the zoo out of the way, I will explain my problem.

I would like to have a relationship. It has been a while, and I have seen a few people here and there along the way, but nothing has come of it. That's where the main issue is. Every time I start dating someone, there comes a time I would like to have him over to my house, make dinner, whatever. My roommates always have an opinion on who I bring home, and it is rarely, if ever, a positive one. I often feel like they are purposely picking out and blowing up any negative traits about anyone I bring home.

Part of me also thinks that maybe they don't want me to have any sort of relationship, as it will take away from time needed for me to drive them places. Neither of my roommates drive. One of them works in a suburb of the city, and needs to be picked up late in the evening several times a week, as the bus doesn't run that late out there.

I got myself into this mess, I realize now. One of my roommates is a really good friend, and he and his family are almost like an extended family to me. Last year around this time, he found out that his then current roommate was moving out in the Summer. Well, being that he couldn't pay the rent alone, and I was spending a lot of time with him and his friends, he asked if I'd like to move in with him. I never should have agreed.

I'm considering getting my own apartment when the lease comes due in July. I feel as though I need my own space, and my own life. I am just worried, as I don't know what I should do to cope with it in the meantime, and how I should tell my roommates when the lease comes due.


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CosTransform
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

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Joined: 21 Mar 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 161

08 Feb 2012, 1:19 pm

Tell him directly that it's your business who you date, period. The only exception is if he knows she's bad news or dangerous etc..

Unless he's willing to share his girlfriend.. :twisted:



cinbad
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

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Joined: 13 Aug 2011
Age: 68
Gender: Female
Posts: 377

08 Feb 2012, 2:04 pm

AFTER you find an apartment and before June 1st I would let him know. Minimize the time you have to live with them while they know but give them enough time to find another roommate or move out. This is the ethical thing to do. In the menatime, veery time you take them somewhere remind them that he really should get his own car. Make restrictions now. Tell them you need some notice if they want you to drive somewhere....that way they will be obligated to ask you nicely and ruminate on getting a car. It will also help you regain some respect from them. Tell them you just don't want to have to stop whatever you are doing to rush out the door. Hopefully, you get gas and maintenance money from them every time you drive.

About your girlfriends...next time, don't ask their opinion and if they offer it, just tell them you would rather not discus it. You want to decide this on your own "like a grownup" they will understand.


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My whole life has been an exercise in original thinking. While I was looking in vain for the answers in books, I found them within myself.