What the hell is wrong with me?

Post Reply New Topic

I feel so many negative emotions and don't ever remembering feeling happiness.
When I read about happy people I become jealous,depressed and anxious.
I didn't ask to have a disability but I'm f****d. I have horrible mood swings that I can't control.
Within a time period of 5 minutes I feel many strong emotions.

I was told by my instructor at culinary school that "Your just sensitive but that's not a bad thing". Well,it sounds pretty bad to me. It was a nice way of telling me that I have no chance in hell to succeed in this industry. When this sensitive aspie got home she cried and hated herself even more.
Having aspergers alone is miserable but add several other problems and it's worse.

The mood swings make no sense. One minute I cry and the next I laugh. it makes no sense at all.
Sometimes when I work in the kitchen at culinary school I get so anxious that I loose my common sense.
I have to ask for instructions over and over again. The chef gets frustrated and using sarcasm which upsets me.
People probably think that I'm slow and stupid. I just wanted everyone to like me and think that I am intelligent.

I wish that I was a small child again and I could be held in my mother's arm. I miss the feeling of security and love.
Lately I have just felt like crying and I am too lonely to be alive.

Sweet Pea hugs

Is there a trusted person that you can talk to about these feelings? Perhaps, you can think about something that makes you happy. Maybe a warm bath might help, or a hot beverage.

Have you been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder?

Yes I have and I no longer take the bipolar meds because I was doing just fine for nearly a year.

CockneyRebel: I have already talked to a trusted person which is my mother and she is getting tired of it.

I get depressed each month around this time. It's the hardest part of being female.

I was fine for over 10 years without medication. I'm looking into getting back on some because I'm no longer fine.

Perhaps you should do the same?

Hello!

Given that your mood swings are cyclical, it definitely sounds like something that you might want to follow up with a doctor about, as there may be more involved than simply a mental health issue.

It happens more often than people think: You take meds, you get better, you then think you don't need them anymore, because you're feeling better (even though you're not REALLY better - you just feel that way), and then you relapse, because you went off your meds.

I really do hope you find a good doctor who can evaluate and treat EVERY aspect of your condition, and not just the mental health issues.

Have A Great Day!

Rob

If it's for the reason I think it is, birth control can actually help regulate that(yes, it can affect mood quite a bit)

Being sensitive isn't a bad thing, I'm sensitive and serious at times, many artists and people that have creative jobs are temperamental so perhaps being a chef isn't the bad thing for you. However everyone has good and bad moments, I agree that taking something to stabilize and control your moods or developing strategies to cope with the moods might be the best choice.