I am too sensitive to be alive.

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My feelings are hurt by nearly everything. I become paranoid and think that people are trying to hurt me when they are not.
Since I hate myself I expect others to do the same. The strange thing is that I hate to be insulted. I feel the need to defend myself at all costs. My earliest memories are of being hurt. That can really f**k a person up for life.

A stranger could laugh and I would think they are laughing at me. I have told my mom this and she accused me of being arrogant.
She says that everything has to be about me. How can a person with no self-esteem be arrogant?
Paranoid would be more accurate but not arrogant. I have tried to rise above my depression by learning a trade but I just want to lie in my bed and cry. I wrap my blanket around me because it is the only way that I feel safe.

My mother has left town for the weekend and I miss her. She is the only person that respects me and I can't imagine life without her.
She is getting tired of hearing about my depression. I start therapy next week but one hour won't do a bit of good.
I am aware that this happens to most people with bipolar but it does not make my life any better. I have the knowledge that I will probably be depressed for my whole life. I recently was diagnosed with PTSD and There is nothing that can help.
Many people my age have jobs,partners and kids. I am not sure that I will ever have any of that. I am 27 and have done nothing with my life except cry to my mother. I wish that she wouldn't have babied me to the point where I depend on her. Hell,I wish that she wouldn't have had a baby at all.

I sympathize and empathize with you,

I know what it's like to be ostracized for more than 90% of one's life,

Always remember, no matter how you feel, act, behave or whatever you think, it has already been done....once you understand that, your free to do anything 'you' want.

Choice is a very popular subject 'these days', we humans think we have choice... we think we choose how we act and what we project ourselves etc etc,

In a twisted fact, we don't have any choice at all, we only have a choice in how we conduct our journey and how we choose to operate our worlds (own specific domains), I hope we all choose to become APE's .... Auto-Didactic Polymathic Existentialists

"To be or not to be, but... if you didn't have it today, you would want it tomorrow, but if you had it today, would you wait for tomorrow?

from another who flew over :p
(I'm just getting over non-diagnosed PTSD, and working on my actual diagnosis again :p)

I think this is common for people with aspergers.

Because as children, we are used to the kids actually talking about us and laughing at us. When I would walk past people after school I could hear them talking about me. I walked home every day.

Because of this it gets engrained into you for life. I think exactly the same thing. If I see someone looking at me I think they're going to turn and say something to their friend, because It's what I was conditioned to when I was younger.

It's not arrogance. It's paranoia based on what you're used to.

I agree with Hale Bopp. Also, I think our sensitivities are part of the problem, too. We feel things aimed at us more strongly, which causes a stronger response in us. I do not agree with your mother about arrogance, but we do tend to be self centered and self absorbed.

Sometimes we ARE imagining that people are focusing on us negatively, but sometimes they really are focusing on us. It is best not to get too hung up on it, though. I had to put up with the cruelty of the other kids growing up, and even since I became an adult, I have had problems with other people. I have become better at coping with it, but it still hurts.

I am not bi-polar, but I have suffered from lifelong chronic depression. Now that I live alone I am better able to handle stress, because my home is a haven from the outside world, now. I had no haven when I had to live with relatives.

You need to distract yourself from your problems and your unhappy thoughts. The best ways are to keep yourself occupied. Here are some ideas that should help.:

- Job
- Take courses
- Music--listen and/or play it.
- Read
- Exercise
- Hobbies
- Volunteer/charities
- Clubs/activities
- TV --especially cheerful and funny programming
- Surf the I-net
- Gardening

I hope my suggestions help.

Let me just say that I greatly appreciate the fact that you posted this, because I frequently feel the same way. And now that I read your post, I am more confident that you and I (and others who've posted in this thread) are not the only ones who are in the similar positions that we are in. I too feel that I am overly sensitive to a lot of things. I try to cope by reminding myself that if, for example, someone is laughing, that it might not be directed at me, and if it is directed at me, that their laughter is not the main determinant in whether I am happy or successful in whatever areas of my life.

I have a sense that questor's suggestions as to how to keep ourselves occupied will be helpful. I especially find that music and exercise are helpful.

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I used to be the exact same way and it all stemmed from bullying that I got in school for years and years. I was made fun of all the time, and I went to a small school where there were only a small handfull of "outcasts" and I was a very out, outcast so when someone was laughing at someone else, I could really be pretty sure it was me if I was around. It took me years to figure out that to strangers, I'm nothing more than background scenery and not only is there nothing outstanding about me that would make strangers laugh at or make fun of me, but even if there were, most strangers couldn't be bothered to even make the effort to do that.

I'm sorry you are lonely right now. That sucks. Maybe if you make some plans to do something fun and concentrate on that, it can make you feel better. Mardi Gras is soon, have you thought about maybe doing something on Mardi Gras Day? Maybe go to the parades?

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

Hmm I kinda know the feeling........its why I had a bad day today actually, I wish I had some advice for you but I have not found anyway to solve this issue for myself either. So I suppose I'll just read what people say here and see if any of it helps, and for what its worth I don't think being so sensitive makes you any less worthy of life than anyone else but I know it can really suck.

I feel I'm too sensitive. I am good with reading body language and everything, but I think with strangers I am hypersensitive to every move they do, and just automatically think everything they do is aimed at me. Now that I have learnt I don't always give off the correst body language, I've now subconsciously got myself believing that I am a target and always will be, and so the reason for other people's reactions is because of that, so I find it hard to tell myself that I'm imagining it all. It's turned me into a very sensitive and indeed paranoid person, thinking people are out to get me, thinking I can't move on in life because I will always be a target for bullies. It just disturbs me, and I can't ignore the fact that I am and always will be ''a person who people laugh at''. It makes me feel very miserable, and I start getting jealous of others who can just put on the right body language.

I walk up straight, I know I do and I've been told my posture is good for an anxious person, and I also go out looking clean and dressed presentably wearing nice fashionable clothes, and they say that the clothes you wear can change the way you feel and look to other people. I thought having good posture and wearing nice clothes would make me look better, but it still doesn't. And that is why I feel so miserable, because I have nothing else to work on so I've got to put up with s**t from some other people for the rest of my life.

When people laugh in public, I automatically think they are laughing at me. It depends on the type of laugh. If it's a loud sociable laugh with people wooping and bucking, I can tell that they are just laughing amoungst themselves, but when there are young people sniggering, I always feel more unsure. I know it is severe paranoia, but I'm afraid of looking at them in case it makes them worse, if they were laughing at me.

This is where sometimes I wish (if I had to be born with any disability at all) I was more severe, or had something where I didn't worry what others think of me and had no self-awareness throughout my entire life. It actually makes it worse when you're living in a society with an invisible condition where expectations of you are higher, yet you are clueless of how to meet the NT standards to the full extent, and you just got to put up with all the s**t from some other people and you feel miserable when you can clearly see what you're missing out on.

I can understand where you're coming from myself. I've walked up on numerous conversations where they trail off as soon as I join the group leaving me to wonder. Or hearing she's xxx, I've not met anyone like her before blah blah blah. Many NTs don't see these things, but I believe we are in differing groups in that some read body language, some try to mimic the NTs so they are accepted, others have sensitive hearing and sight which allows them to hear and see what many NTs miss and some that don't care and go about their day living their life. And to them I say God bless them, because I would like to fit in or at least walk out my door not feeling judged and uptight as soon as I leave a safe place.
Im down myself today as it seems someone I know and trusted said something horrible about me years ago and won't talk to me about it well it' hard to discuss here. And on top of that I have a husband and young children so choosing to isolate and have the proper delicate balance for the sake of my family causes alot of strain and stres ontop of being a stay at home while we have so much debt with medical bills.
Even as a person of faith sometimes I have to come here and talk to those who hear me and know the strain and stress of being normal in appearance. But not meeting their checklist which makes me an outcast and something to gang up on while they build their selfesteem and group closeness by taking me apart. Sorry Im not much help, but I can truely say I hear you and I hope sometime I will stop by with some better answers for some of the posts here.