And it gets worse...

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So today, I had a Dr appt for my antidepressants. I called my mother this morning to see how she was doing. (For that full story, see "My Mother the borderline" in this forum, from last night) She was still feeling bad, so I called and got her in to see the dr at the same time as me. I got my meds, and they wanted more labs and a CT on my mother. We went to the hospital here in town and they did that. It took hours. I was doing that with her all day long, and also paying off all the old bills, my old fine for a ticket - ((that's a whole other story - actual fine $600, lawyer fee's ~ $1500 instead of the usual $400, because his paralegal made phone calls on my behalf to see about getting my license back. Other fine was ~ $800 because our lawn mower was broken over the summer and we couldn't borrow one, husband was laid off and couldn't find work, and our grass got 12 inches high. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING BACKWOODS COUNTRY)) - getting all the utility bills caught up, etc. I also had to pay for my mothers doctor appt.

When I finally got done and got her settle back at home, I took my younger daughter to get some shoes and a couple of shirts because she needed them. My older daughter and her fiance, my 16 yo son and his friend all went to T -town for my son to go to the mall and buy the clothes he needs that I gave him the money for, and for her and her fiance to go out to eat, get a few things they need, and go by the place to sign up for her classes for what she's doing for her senior project. It was just my husband at home. I had talked to him about the money. He's just started back working regular again, business has picked up, thats good. We go our taxes back Wednesday, $7400 from the feds. We talked about what was done with the money. I had kept all of it, because he's horrible with money. I broke it down for him. We put 2k in my oldest daughters account for college, paid fines of ~ 2500 with everything included and those are now paid off, paid my dr 225 plus my mothers copay. Got my meds $200. Paid the utility bills ~ $700, put 1k back for emergencies. I gave $100 to each of the kids and daughters fiance as a refund gift to do what they wanted with. I spent about $100 at Wal Mart on things we needed for the house. That left me with $255 to have until he gets paid. I spent $60 on my daughters clothes that she had to have, and I gave the girls $95 to let Mona cut and dye their hair tomorrow. I was going to get a perm but I can't afford $60 for it right now. So, we have $100 of spendable money to last until Thursday when he gets paid. We can do fine with that. I have money for emergencies. We both agreed that nothing was squandered or spent frivously. The clothes were needed as they had outgrown their other clothes. The girls needed cuts and one needed her roots touched up, and the younger one needed her six different colors covered and then streaks put in. So, I was broke for the moment but satisfied. He was satisfied with how we spent it. The bulk went into bills and fines, and part into DD1's college account. I still have the grand for emergencies.

I left with my younger daughter (DD2) to buy her the $60 in clothes she needed. While we were out, as we finished, I got a call from my mothers dr. Big problem. Her white count was still very high, and her abdominal CT showed massive infection that didn't look like the usual diverticulitis. She wanted her to go to the big hospital in T town tonight and be admitted, started on IV antibiotics and then tomorrow a surgeon will look at the films and see what he thinks, and there will also be a GI consult.

So, we race back to the house. My husband (DH) was there, cracking open his second beer, feet up, watching tv, relaxed and happy. I told him that he's gotta stop drinking cause he's gotta take my mother to the big hospital. Now, he's mad at my mother but he will do it. He's mad because she said stuff about him. She's said crazy stuff about him for 25 years and it's never bothered him. What bothered him was what she said when he was out of work this summer. She said he's too sorry to get off his ass and look for a job. All he wants to do is lay around and watch tv or get online all day and drink. He's happy to just keep going to get money from his mother and not do s**t. That got back to him. He's furious over that. Probably because it's true. I said it about him too, but he can't get furious at me. So he's double mad at her I guess. When she lied about me to the cops (twice) and DHR (once) he told me "let it go, it doesn't matter, so what if you have a record of violent offenses that you didn't commit? She paid your fine!" "So what if she told DHR you were a drunk and shouldn't have custody of your kids. She's got them, let them drive her crazy for a while. She'll get tired of them and give them back and explain things" All that kind of s**t, nothing's wrong. Let it go. I was overreacting. Yet he's not overeacting to one f*cking comment?

So he tells me he will take her, but he's not happy about it and it's under protest. I told him "You better be nice to her if you know what's good for you! I've taken worse for 25 years from your mother and much worse for 47 years from my mother. This is need. This is life and death. Grow a f*cking pair and man up for once in your life and let a comment that hit a nerve go. You're working now, so let it go. She's old and could die. You don't have to wine and dine her, just be decent." He said "I ain't promising anything!" which means he will do exactly as I said because he knows he's overeacting in this situation.

So, DD2 and I go over to my moms to help her get ready. While we are doing that, she tells me that my oldest son (who "hates us all except her" now, and his crackhead baby mama who also hates us all except my mother, and who do things for her and she forces money on them as payment and who both suck up to her, and tell her all kinds of horrible lies about me and DH, haven't called her in two weeks. She's called and called. Left messages telling them how sick she is and she needs help. They had convinced her to come to them, not me. She was still trying to get them when I called and found out she was sick and got this ball rolling by calling her nurse. If I hadn't and she was relying on them, she would have been dead before they called. Now she sees that everybody was right about them. She told me that. She doesn't believe my son or his babymama anymore. She believes the things we all told her now. She had believed them because they played into her psychosis (BPD), and they knew how to do it, too,

So now, my husband is on the way to the hospital with my mother, she's gonna be admitted and possibly have surgery tomorrow or Sunday. I hope to God she's ok. Even though she's been a horrible harpie to me all my life, I love her and don't want her to die. I don't think she will though - knock on wood. At least she may start being better to us now. Somewhat. A lot of her actions these past two years were based on what they told her. She admitted that to me. Whether that's an excuse or not, I don't know.

Also, my BIL who was convinced by the babymama that the cable man said I was smoking meth in the bathroom while he was here, and who wouldn't listen to me when I tried to explain how that was impossible, has now found out that it was impossible. He talked to DH. He said "Ooooooooh" but I have yet to get an apology from him for believing it, and for telling my SIL, or one from my SIL for saying that she doesn't doubt it and that she needs to call child services on me. I doubt I'll ever get one from them, so they will never get anything but the cold shoulder from me.

Then, my MIL's bday is next month, and everyone knows that it's probably her last. She wants all the family in Alabama to be there. My family here is fine with that. Folks are coming down from Huntsville, up from Panama City too. The problem will be getting my son and his babymama and the grandbaby out there because we are there. My whole family plans to just be polite, say as little as possible, and avoid them. No having a scene at my MILs bday. They don't want to come. They don't want anything to do with my MIL anymore if she invites us. My BIL told them that if they don't come, unless someon is in the hospital and they have proof of that, then they are cut off. No more money, no inheritance later. Nobody has heard from them in weeks. I suppose they just cut everybody out of their lives now, including my mother.

So, I dunno. I'm at last getting my vindication. I've prayed for that for a long time. I've prayed for my son back too. I hope that one day soon, I'll have him back as well.

That's whats up for now. I'm dealing. I'm fine, just waiting to see what's gonna happen next. Thats about all I can do. If I hadn't learned how stress effects me differently, I would have flipped out over this a long time ago.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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You are stronger than I am. I couldn't even manage your errands list. How do you do it?

It has to be done. I don't enjoy errands, but smebody has to do them. Since my teens I haven't had any problems with being in public or other people or social phobias etc. I enjoy going out and doing things I want to do. Things I want to buy, etc. Its the list of things that have to be done that I hate. But I get it over with and move on to something I enjoy. I had some agoraphobia for a few years in the 90s but it's completely gone now. It wasn't fear of people or places, it was fear of leaving my home because every time that happened I'd have a panic attack. I had no problem with people, etc, it was just being "not at home". No clue why.

What problems would you have doing the errands?

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

When I have a lot to get done, I'm OK up to a point and then it's like I can't think clearly anymore. I can't make simple decisions and have a hard time communicating. I feel an intense sleepiness come over me. I need to recharge with a nap every day. It's not physical fatigue, it's mental.
But it's not just errands. You have a very stressful life and you are amazing that you can keep a clear head.

GACH!! ! I do not envy you at all!

You're a brave woman, with a strong spirit, and I'm glad you're holding on.

But mercy! I'd hate to have to put up with even half of what's going on with you!

I'll add you to my prayer list.

Best wishes!

-F-

I guess I'm used to it. I grew up in a house with high drama every day. A true paranoid conspiracy nut grandfather, a grandmother who was a doormat for him, but also slept with a loaded gun under her pillow in case he started hitting her in the middle of the night (he was abusive to her, very rarely to my mother, and three times to me after I was a teenager, but I called the cops on his *ss, unlike those other women he lived with)

When I moved out, I was 18 and I married a guy I had dated for a year (started dating him right after I broke up with my first long term bf) and that guy was from a family of unemployed criminals, all in and out of jail and juvie. Four brothers. Oldest one is now doing life with parole possible in the prison in town, about two miles away, next youngest is dead. I dated him for a few months and then he drowned when he went fishing with his daddy and a friend. He got in a fight with his daddy in the boat (they were all drunk) no life jackets, he couldn't swim, his daddy punched him and he fell out and drowned. Third brother is the one I married. We divorced about a year and a half later, he married one of my best friends from high school and they stayed together until he shot and killed this guy and so he's in prison in Mississippi waiting on the needle. Youngest brother is doing 35 in Parchman for a robbery gone wrong. The dad did time when the kids were little but after that he didn't do much of anything bad. Well, he didn't get caught at it I guess. So drama there too.

Then I divorced him and dated a while, and married my husband. No drama drama then much. Struggeling to pay the bills, etc. Kids kept coming. Our drama was from outside sources. My crazy mother, his mean snobby socialite rich mother who hated me because I wasn't good enough for her son, stupid crap he got us into the times he cheated on me, and that was drama in itself. He's cheated three times that I know of. All three times high drama ensued for months. After the cheating years were over with, things got calm and quiet and he had a vasectomy, but thats around the time that his dad died and he had a nervous breakdown and we ended up losing our nice house in Bham and moving out here. This is where the crazy starts up again because my mother got involved.

Moved down here and for about three years my mother lived in my house. Couldn't get her out. Finally she moved out. Then my oldest started running wild. Dealt with him and courts, probation, drug tests, juvie, etc. When he got off probation he got with the babymama and got her pregnant and it all started going downhill from there.

I'd love just a little peace and quiet. I probably won't get it though until I'm in my casket. That's ok, I can wait lol. I'll take the drama if the only other option is underground.

I think I'm just used to drama and stress. I don't enjoy it, when things are calm and quiet, I don't WANT any drama or stress, I hope and hope that it stays that way a little longer. The nice quiet. But it doesn't. I deal with it well because it's what I've always known I guess.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com