No social life and lacking any Independence.

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Thought I may as well add my woes in this forum since I got a sudden sadness from everyone elses joy of a social life.

Long story short. I am not very independent (I had some a couple of years back but something happened to me to lose trust in society and I get VERY uncomfortable about certain situations outside these days).

My social life is basically non-existent outside of my job and my lack of friends makes it hard to arrange everything (I have a Support Worker but I'd rather not have one if you know what I mean). So me going outside on my own is unheard of since 2007, so when I go "out" it's usually with my family and never with friends.

I get upset about it sometimes since I would love to be independent and do stuff on my own and not getting any younger does put a downer on things so....yeah.

Not asking for advice as I know the answer to that and I am TRYING to change my lifestyle but in the meantime....yeah....it sucks.

a couple of nice wp members are meeting up around manchester soon, maybe you should ask if you could come along

If it makes you feel any better, being independent isn't all it's cracked up to be. Ever since I came to uni in Birmingham when I was 18 I've been independent, it was great at first during my uni years but that wasn't true independence. Once I left uni I became lost and have been so ever since. I don't know what I'm doing with my life, I don't know what I want to do and I spend a lot of time by myself outside of work. I do go out a bit with friends down the pub but there's not really much else going on with regards to my social life.

You have a job and that's a big plus, and so you do a lot of things with your family, I rarely do anything with mine which is a shame. It sounds to me that you're mostly on your way to independence. I understand your need to do certain things on your own but don't feel the need to try and do everything by yourself because your world can become a lonely place that way. It's good to have people to rely on, like your family and/or friends and instead of looking how far you feel you have to go, look at how far you have come. Don't be afraid to go at your own pace and not the pace society 'says' you should go at.

I'm sorry if those sentences sound like platitudes but they are coming from personal experience. In the mean time make some friends on here, it's filled with great people who know exactly what you are going through

Yeah, that would be nice. Although it depends where in Manchester, since it's a big place. XD

[QUOTE="Paulie C]
If it makes you feel any better, being independent isn't all it's cracked up to be. Ever since I came to uni in Birmingham when I was 18 I've been independent, it was great at first during my uni years but that wasn't true independence. Once I left uni I became lost and have been so ever since. I don't know what I'm doing with my life, I don't know what I want to do and I spend a lot of time by myself outside of work. I do go out a bit with friends down the pub but there's not really much else going on with regards to my social life.[/quote]

That really sucks dude (or dudette). Although I am happy to hear that you have had a taste of independence despite feeling "lost" about now...I know that feeling, and it really does suck. :/

[QUOTE="Paulie C]
You have a job and that's a big plus, and so you do a lot of things with your family, I rarely do anything with mine which is a shame. It sounds to me that you're mostly on your way to independence. I understand your need to do certain things on your own but don't feel the need to try and do everything by yourself because your world can become a lonely place that way. It's good to have people to rely on, like your family and/or friends and instead of looking how far you feel you have to go, look at how far you have come. Don't be afraid to go at your own pace and not the pace society 'says' you should go at. [/quote]

True, and I wouldn't be able to do anything without them...

Yeah I guess but I kind of lack the skills and confidence to do so, which makes it very hard...I used to be semi independent (went to the Town Centre by myself to meet friends or go shopping alone etc), but ever since the incident my mind hasn't been the same.

My family are the only people I can rely on...most of my friends kind of don't want to know me or at least that is my impression (one of them does but she's not confident herself and lives quite far away to do much at weekends).

I have come quite a bit away I must admit.

I agree to this, although I wish schools could teach people of independence and learning to socialise in society the right way...sure it may not work for everyone (mostly confident people), but for the shy and Autistic, I think it would help many people...which is why I am kind of disappointed in my school in "that" way...they wanted me to do well in my lessons (and I did!) but being independent and stuff, they kind of left me to it...they couldn't understand on a school holiday once why I couldn't go back to our shalee (typo) as I was lost on how to get there. I had someone from class to help me luckily but they were kind of lost on that scenario.

[QUOTE="Paulie C]
I'm sorry if those sentences sound like platitudes but they are coming from personal experience. In the mean time make some friends on here, it's filled with great people who know exactly what you are going through [/quote]

Nah, I am glad you replied as I needed it.

I am trying to, and have made some aquaintances although more local members on here would be cool too.

I don't mind talking to Americans or talking to someone from London/Birmingham etc but someone around the area would be nice.

Try not to get hung up on the small things. you mentioned not feeling able to go to town, I can count on 1 hand the amount of times iv been to town in the last 5 years, I'm just too afraid to venture that far out of my comfort zone, even with other people. There only seems to be 4 places I go to atm; work, pub (where I used to work) ASDA and my house. Yet I have a job, and I'm living with some friends (Im even on OKC trying to find a date ). What I'm trying to say here is that you don't need 100's of friends and you don't need to travel miles around to be independent and happy. By all means don't set the bar too low but don't set it too high either. We will always struggle to try and fit into society because it's ideals are designed for 'normal' people (for lack of a better term). Focus on what makes you happy and comfortable and try not to live up to society's standards if you think they may be out of reach.

I too would like to meet up with someone and talk, it's a shame you are quite far away. Oh and it's dude btw .

EDIT: You mentioned something about an incident, I didn't mention it the first time round because I didn't know if you wanted to discuss it or not.

Well, you're absolutely right that it sucks. All you can do is keep trying. You'll gain more experience the more you try. Put it all together and one day you'll be out on your own. It's really hard to be independent, though, but totally worth the effort. It's easier if you can find a kindred soul to partner with for the journey - maybe... family is a satisfactory substitution but its way better if you can keep family as a safe harbor - just for emergencies.

I wish you success.

I live about an hour north of Manchester but I can easily come down and visit if you'd like (especially if more than one WP member wants to meet).

Yeah, I guess so, although being able to do so a few years back and not being able to do it now does feel like a step backwards.

Yeah, I know the feeling...it's worse if you have to go out and about with people you don't know too!



Sounds like you have a happy medium to work with.

Does that dating site actually work? I don't have any interest into dating online but curious.



I understand that, but I do feel like I should have at least 2 or 3 people to rely on other then my family...my worst fear is losing my family as life is unpredictable...I sort of don't trust my distant relatives to take care of me as I suspect they'd take advantage of me via taking my money, possessions and selling them.

One of my dreams is to travel to a few places though, so mthat'll be somewhat hard.



I need to set some actually...my mum has helped me a lot in that area by helping me get a job and is currently trying to get me to drive on my own.

I never try to set my standards to society, but I do need to adapt to society in order to survive *Going back to fear of losing family*. Even my brother can't protect me from it forever (his friends are understanding of my condition...sadly I can't hang around with them as much as my bro thinks I may do something silly).



Indeed it is, oh and my bros friends met him on Xbox Live and come from around your area...maybe a similar scenario could happen?



I won't go into the details but it was pretty much some guy did a really sick joke on me via Facebook, he's pranked me before which involved messing with my emotional mind but he went really far on Facebook and potentially could have got me arrested...of course, what he did was slander and his friend (who'm he did the prank through), stuck up for him over me (despite me being more trustworthy over him...he basically had an argument with me over a pathetic subject), so...yeah. It really effected me for years (and it still does), which is why since then I have not been very comfortable going outside and stuff.



I remember talking to you via my old account (which I can't access at all). Yeah, that'd be sweet as I remember you being a cool guy.

Yeah I think we would need a group and set a date well in advance if it were to happen.

I had a good idea actually...although it depends...I play in a Steel Orchestra and they do gigs in Manchester usually around Christmas time...maybe if the dates are close to them I could show you a performance!

and LOL! DROP DEAD FRED! Saw that for £3 at Morrisons.



A kindred partner? That's deep there mate. I Think I need an Alpha Female in that case! XD

Indeed, but I do love my family and wouldn't likie to desert them for independence, as you only get one mum/dad/bro/sis. (I don't have a sis)

Thanks, and you too.

Well, they're out there. My youngest son and a nephew (both of whom could possibly be on the spectrum and have had a lot of issues throughout their young lives) both recently found nice, alpha girls wanting to marry on those internet dating sites. Both girls have it going on as far as the life management thing goes, they just needed whatever these young men have to offer.

Both young men had terrible social skills and I'm pretty sure they couldn't have gotten girls using conventional methods. (both were social outcasts) The girls picked them by their pictures because neither can write in complete sentences. I can see evidence of social training from both girls, especially in my son. Yes, I taught him all that stuff but it wasn't important until his wife expected it.

Both girls have rich family and social connections and the boys have benefited greatly here. My nephew is getting a job because his new mother-in-law works for the town sheriff. I hardly recognize my son anymore - in a good way. Both couples are ridiculously in love.

It can happen. Just watch out for crazy chicks...

That's very touching, I am glad that they have found someone that would love them back. They also sound really happy, which is always a great thing to hear (happy endings).

I am pretty sceptical about online dating due to the risks I guess, I.....have dated a few girls in my life...but they ended up being very slow and unfulfilled on my end (not committed to see me, making excuses), one even outright lied to me about not smoking! I wouldn't of cared otherwise but I found out with her staring at a cigerette...which I was pretty disgusted by (I have no disrespect to smokers at all, my mum smokes but she doesn't want to), it was because she didn't tell me...and she's kind of not told me other things that effected our short relationship so I was glad when she dumped me (despite being over obsessive with me for apparently five years), and I have tried to date a friend via online (we don't live far, but she's just as bad at socialising as me...but she has different circumstances which are more understandable), so I guess doubt of it working is another.

Oh believe me, I have grew up in school with many! I can handle myself with those.

Anyway, I am not that concerned about relationships at the moment, as I don't like the idea of being tied down too soon and all that. I'd rather have a more vibrant lifestyle but retain some of the values that make me, well...me.

Oh, this is definitely me. Hang on, I'll just get a cup of Hot Lava Java and I'll be reet wi' it.

Alright then, who is this "everyone else"? All that malarkey rather seems to have passed me by, so I'm not sure where you're getting that frae.



Neither am I. Woo.



[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPyZHncR2gc[/youtube]



Do you not like going for walks? In the daytime I mean? I can understand not wanting to bother with pubs and that, as it can be isolating and expensive.



That will make two of us then.



I know what you're at.

Okay smarty pants, I mean people who brag about being happy in their life

I made this in the spur of the moment.



Sort of surprised, since you sound totally confident in what you are capable of or not.



Random Ad, but I thought it was funny.



Depends who is out on that type of day...I don't trust my neioghbourhood to make "walks"



Let's mope about it together! or not....



You mean you feel that way too? Sucks don't it?

This is what I want to do to everyone who has a happy social life and blatantly rubs it in my face:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3S4PBNsnPEo[/youtube]

lol

I wouldn't go that far but I laughed all the same.