Moving Decisions and 19 yo ASD Daughter

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There are really two separate issues here.

1. My Asperger's daughter is 19, and graduating in May. She has lived with her Dad since our divorce when she was 11 years old. She thinks she wants to move in with me, but hasn't made up her mind 100% yet. If she does, it will be for two years while she attends a local college. Then she plans to move out of state.

She has always had a terrible time making up her mind on even minor issues. While I need an answer I decided to back off and give her more time. She is under a lot of stress about the end of high school and changes in her life. Also, her Dad is harassing her about it. I suspect he's telling her I can't care for her financially, which I can. I decided she's more likely to say yes if I stop pressuring her.

2. I have a housing voucher, and until June to find a place. It's a rural area, and rentals are hard to find. Right now I have a choice of 6 places, only 2 of them suitable for my needs. I have the choice to:

a. Go ahead and get a 2-bedroom that I want, close to college, clean, energy-efficient.
b. Wait on her decision (there's no guarantee how long, just sometime before August) and end up in a place further from her college,
(she hasn't even gotten her license yet) that isn't as clean and isn't energy-efficient.

a. I spend more money up front because she's not ready to sign the housing voucher to include her.
b. I spend more money on utilities, gas for transportation, and am unhappy with the place.

I need advice!

a. Does it seem best to give her more time? I'm thinking until June 1st.
b. Should I go ahead and move? Worst case, she changes her mind, and I pay more for rent for two years.
c. She is much more likely to move in with me if she has a bedroom, and it's not just "Mom's unrealistic dream" or a possible unseen dumpy place.

Hello Bookworm!

Tricky scenario...but I would say to wait until she makes a decision but of course you will have to ask about her answer before June to set up the house.

I would also go for utilities, gas etc as despite you not liking the way the house looks...you can ALWAYS improve this once you have money to do so...warmth and a shelter are the most important things you need....it shouldn't matter what the house looks like as long as you can afford the basic essentials, which your daughter will be grateful for.

It sounds like you want the place closer to the college. You might spend more money up front but even if she chooses not to move in now, she might choose to move in later in the future, and in the mean time, you have some extra space.

You're right, I want the place closer to the college. It will save money in the long run. Also if she already has her own room, the decision will be easier, although it won't obligate her. She is having a lot of other decisions to make at the same time, and not being able to visualize living with me (what will it be like?) isn't helping.